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Mentor

Downsizing, To Move or Not to Move? That is the Question

Posted by Rosemary, Volunteer Mentor @rosemarya, Apr 12, 2020

At some point as we age, we will have to make a decision about leaving our homes and downsizing. Maybe in our own town or to another town. Maybe to smaller home, condo, apartment, or assisted living/senior community.

When the time comes to downsize, seniors can struggle with a multitude of emotional, physical, and financial challenges.

How do you make an informed decision about when to downsize?
What tips do you have to share?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

woot | @woot | May 18, 2022

My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the choice retirement community will no longer be an option because their waiting list is 8 years long. Their new Indepent Living is being built, all apartments immediately had money down on them. We put a large chunk down but if we don’t move in, it’s refundable. My husband is becoming seriously depressed about this impending move. We live 2 blocks from our daughter. Our house is all one floor. Hospital 5 minutes away. We love our neighbors. My husband spends a lot of time puttering in the yard even though we have a yard service. The AL apartment is on the 4th floor with 2 br + den and good size balcony. First floor is all restaurants, gym, coffee shop, pub, etc.
he hates the idea of having to get on an elevator to go outside and the rules of living there. If we stay in our house we could hire medical and housekeeping help. So far, all advice in this discussion comes from people in their 70’s or from their children. Easy to say what you will do. I’d like to hear from anyone 80+ who has or has not moved to Independent Living. Advice, please?

REPLY
3 replies
Mentor
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | May 18, 2022
In reply to @woot "My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the..." + (show)
@woot

My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the choice retirement community will no longer be an option because their waiting list is 8 years long. Their new Indepent Living is being built, all apartments immediately had money down on them. We put a large chunk down but if we don’t move in, it’s refundable. My husband is becoming seriously depressed about this impending move. We live 2 blocks from our daughter. Our house is all one floor. Hospital 5 minutes away. We love our neighbors. My husband spends a lot of time puttering in the yard even though we have a yard service. The AL apartment is on the 4th floor with 2 br + den and good size balcony. First floor is all restaurants, gym, coffee shop, pub, etc.
he hates the idea of having to get on an elevator to go outside and the rules of living there. If we stay in our house we could hire medical and housekeeping help. So far, all advice in this discussion comes from people in their 70’s or from their children. Easy to say what you will do. I’d like to hear from anyone 80+ who has or has not moved to Independent Living. Advice, please?

Jump to this post

Hello. @woot While I can’t really offer advice, I can relate what my mother thought of the outcome of her and my dad’s move to a retirement/graduated community. They were in their early ‘80s.

She was never happy there. They, too, bristled at all the rules, discovered it was not as ‘all-inclusive’ as advertised, and tremendously expensive for the ‘add-on services’ they each eventually required.

This was only their experience and their community. My mom frequently told me she wished they’d never left their home.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

REPLY
1 reply
woot | @woot | May 18, 2022
In reply to @IndianaScott "Hello. @woot While I can’t really offer advice, I can relate what my mother thought of..." + (show)
@IndianaScott

Hello. @woot While I can’t really offer advice, I can relate what my mother thought of the outcome of her and my dad’s move to a retirement/graduated community. They were in their early ‘80s.

She was never happy there. They, too, bristled at all the rules, discovered it was not as ‘all-inclusive’ as advertised, and tremendously expensive for the ‘add-on services’ they each eventually required.

This was only their experience and their community. My mom frequently told me she wished they’d never left their home.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Jump to this post

Thanks, Scott. I appreciate your taking the time to tell me.

REPLY
nattayaleuenberger | @nattayaleuenberger | May 19, 2022
In reply to @woot "My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the..." + (show)
@woot

My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the choice retirement community will no longer be an option because their waiting list is 8 years long. Their new Indepent Living is being built, all apartments immediately had money down on them. We put a large chunk down but if we don’t move in, it’s refundable. My husband is becoming seriously depressed about this impending move. We live 2 blocks from our daughter. Our house is all one floor. Hospital 5 minutes away. We love our neighbors. My husband spends a lot of time puttering in the yard even though we have a yard service. The AL apartment is on the 4th floor with 2 br + den and good size balcony. First floor is all restaurants, gym, coffee shop, pub, etc.
he hates the idea of having to get on an elevator to go outside and the rules of living there. If we stay in our house we could hire medical and housekeeping help. So far, all advice in this discussion comes from people in their 70’s or from their children. Easy to say what you will do. I’d like to hear from anyone 80+ who has or has not moved to Independent Living. Advice, please?

Jump to this post

I would like to move but my husband loves the house. We are about your age so I will stay! Our children are so far away from us but we have friends and great neighbors plus fantastic doctors and dentist! Why move!!??!

REPLY
2 replies
shani | @shani | May 19, 2022
In reply to @woot "My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the..." + (show)
@woot

My husband and I are both 84. We must make a decision this year or the choice retirement community will no longer be an option because their waiting list is 8 years long. Their new Indepent Living is being built, all apartments immediately had money down on them. We put a large chunk down but if we don’t move in, it’s refundable. My husband is becoming seriously depressed about this impending move. We live 2 blocks from our daughter. Our house is all one floor. Hospital 5 minutes away. We love our neighbors. My husband spends a lot of time puttering in the yard even though we have a yard service. The AL apartment is on the 4th floor with 2 br + den and good size balcony. First floor is all restaurants, gym, coffee shop, pub, etc.
he hates the idea of having to get on an elevator to go outside and the rules of living there. If we stay in our house we could hire medical and housekeeping help. So far, all advice in this discussion comes from people in their 70’s or from their children. Easy to say what you will do. I’d like to hear from anyone 80+ who has or has not moved to Independent Living. Advice, please?

Jump to this post

I’m sitting where you are and it seems to b smarter to hire help if needed rather than ‘’make do’’ with what others think I need or want, stay in familiar area, keep the friends , docs, shopping I have and do I really want to pack up, move, start all over? Most ppl I know who have moved to AL say they miss the old, dislike the new. Let the young’ ens move, resettleand make new friends.

REPLY
davej | @davej | May 19, 2022

My 90 year old uncle moved to A.L. by his choice, then covid hit and the facility disabled garage door openers, had certain times a person could be in the hallway my uncle felt like a prisoner in his own home till he started to escape to get out and sneak to get back in good luck dave.

REPLY
Mentor
Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | May 19, 2022
In reply to @nattayaleuenberger "I would like to move but my husband loves the house. We are about your age..." + (show)
@nattayaleuenberger

I would like to move but my husband loves the house. We are about your age so I will stay! Our children are so far away from us but we have friends and great neighbors plus fantastic doctors and dentist! Why move!!??!

Jump to this post

We are facing a similar decision, not yet regarding assisted living, but whether to move from our 2 level home with yard and lots of gardens to something easier...and realizing what we want is not available in our immediate neighborhood - where our kids have settled and everything we need is at hand. It is complicated by the fact that we travel half the year and feel it is a burden to our kids and our neighbor to watch over the house and yard...

What we have settled on for the short term is simplifying - shedding possessions, clearing out everything we no longer use from every shed, closet, nook and cranny. Also letting go of items from old hobbies and interests, relics that are not of interest to our kids. For example, I have a few "very special" houseplants instead of dozens, and gave away all the spare pots, trays, etc.

And I have decided to approach our city government about encouraging the next building project to be some one-level, 2-by or detached townhomes, for us younger-oldsters. Then our 4 bedroom home & yard would be ready for the next family!
Sue

REPLY
nattayaleuenberger | @nattayaleuenberger | May 19, 2022

I understand your feeling and good luck with your decision!
Best,
Natt

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 20, 2022
In reply to @nattayaleuenberger "I would like to move but my husband loves the house. We are about your age..." + (show)
@nattayaleuenberger

I would like to move but my husband loves the house. We are about your age so I will stay! Our children are so far away from us but we have friends and great neighbors plus fantastic doctors and dentist! Why move!!??!

Jump to this post

Hello @nattayaleuenberger and welcome to Mayo Connect. I enjoyed reading your post about whether or not to downsize. It is a difficult thing to consider. Houses are more than dwelling places but homes with memories and those become more important as we get older (or should I say "more mature").

I'm glad that your health allows you to stay put in the home you obviously love.

REPLY
1 reply
nattayaleuenberger | @nattayaleuenberger | May 20, 2022
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @nattayaleuenberger and welcome to Mayo Connect. I enjoyed reading your post about whether or not..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @nattayaleuenberger and welcome to Mayo Connect. I enjoyed reading your post about whether or not to downsize. It is a difficult thing to consider. Houses are more than dwelling places but homes with memories and those become more important as we get older (or should I say "more mature").

I'm glad that your health allows you to stay put in the home you obviously love.

Jump to this post

Morning and thank you I certainly appreciate the website and the connection with other people. And to know that you are not alone is a wonderful things.
Stay safe and healthy

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