Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?

I feel isolated while caring for my husband that has Alzheimer’s. Help please.

Hello @gerimickler and welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. It is so understandable to feel isolated when caring for your husband. It is also so great that you recognized the need to reach out to get support for yourself.

You will notice that I have moved your post into a fantastic and very active discussion specific for caregivers caring for family with dementia. You can click here to see where your post is now: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/caregiving-for-dementia-sufferers

The main reason I wanted to bring your post here is to help you connect more quickly with members such as @IndianaScott who started this discussion as well as members such as @billchitwood @janet7 and @raebaby who can all relate to needing connections as they are also caregivers.

Has anything changed recently that has you feeling particularly more isolated or is it just a build up over time?

I lived in several communities with home owner associations. They were horrible, with no pity for anyone. They were simply people who had lost their power and this was some semblance of getting it back. I got reported for my wheels squealing on the cobblestones when i took my kids to school one morning and my husband got reported for wearing his shorts in the lobby to pick up the mail. I can assure you that he found some new way to torment their sensibilities.

Hello, @gerimickler I'm Scott and I, too, found Connect while in the throes of caregiving-imposed isolation. For me, the isolation and singular focus on the overwhelming needs of my wife, were one of the toughest things to cope with.

For me, Connect really helped me feel far less isolated. I could reach out with a question, cry, vent, tell a story, or ask for hints and hacks to deal with caregiving at any time of the day or night -- whenever I had a few seconds to sit at the computer. It may have been electronic, but it was a lovely way I could feel less alone.

How long have you been caregiving, if I might ask?

Strength, Courage, & Peace

@raebaby I immediately know I'd like your husband!

While I understand HOA work can be thankless (I was the HOA president in another neighborhood we lived in for 8 years since no one else would ever offer to take over), I agree it can be a real cesspool of perceived power. I remember when we lived in a townhome and every house had white hydrangeas along their walks. I asked if I could plant a different color and was told NO, it was against the rules and sure enough there it was "no planting of any flowers without permission"...so I remembered an old trick my grandma used to do. She'd stick iron ten-penny nails in the ground at the roots of her hydrangas and the change in ph would alter the flower's color! Same plant -- made them crazy upset with me, but all it did for me was make me smile every summer!

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Bill was an HOA president and our daughter is at present - a thankless job. Lots of power plays even among board members. Bill would get so angry. Later I began to think that was the start of his decline. He was constantly angry, especially at me. And his taste changed (I can't believe how much food I threw away as he claimed it was bad and then say I would eat anything! Furious with me when I admitted that I thought it tasted normal). When we moved to KY and a new doctor she put him on a stress reducing medication and that helped a ton. Probably saved our marriage. Last night he spilled something and it became my fault. I just agreed and then about 15 minutes later he calmed down and apologized. At the moment he gets upset if I'm not next to him (I'm trying to pack our home for a move). He wants all of my attention - sort of like a two year old. His health is such that he can't 'help' me or even go room to room with me while I work. I just make quick breaks to check on him, sit a moment, re-listen to his complains about his computer and TV ads - then go back to work for another 15 minutes. Makes for a much longer day lol.

How funny, plotting to put one over on the HOA! One of the owners had a sun catcher in their window they had to remove. I'm surprised that there isn't a secret squad that comes into the house to check out the colors of the sofas, and if they are displeased, are marched off to a dungeon never to return.

Towards the end (my husband died Parkinson's dementia 2 years ago after 58 years of marriage) I was always in trouble. I was told that being angry released serotonin and made him feel better. It was so dang hard! I really feel for you. Honest to god, what really helped me was taking up coloring in intricate books with gel pens. The anger and despair flowed on all around me and i could lose myself in the flow of the pens.

Actually I have a husband with Dementia and now he has heart failure! Someone in this group
Mentioned a PET scan and a geriatric psychiatrist. I would like to know the reason for having these done? Are these essential for Dementia treatment?

I'd get any treatment of any kind for him that you can. A psychiatrist is important as he can help with medication for him for hallucinations, anger, anxiety and the plain old despair that you must feel. I didn't understand why the women whose husbands had passed on felt so sorry for me. Four years later I got it!