Sudden personality change in my grandfather

Posted by secaries @secaries, Jan 10, 2017

Hello,
My grandpa has been developing some sudden personality changes. For background, he is 82, 6'4, 200 some odd lbs, and has diabetes. For the past few months, he has descended into a foul mood. He used to nr really nice, and a good guy. He has now become angry, controlling, and paranoid. He has fallen on several occasions, but refuses to use his walker or a wheelchair. If you try to get him to use his walker, or the new bathroom they had built for him, he gets mad and refuses because "I'm not a damn cripple." He's becoming irrationally angry over very small things. He's also becoming controlling of my 81 year old grandma, and even went so far as to suggest that she was having an affair with her sisters husband. This was a kind, sweet, and gentle man for all of my life, and according to my dad growing up. This has all come on over the past few months, and has been getting worse over the past week. Does anyone have any ideas? My dad and I think it might be early stages of dementia.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Brain & Nervous System Support Group.

@jenniferhunter

@xavier90 Alzheimer's is tough on families. Does your grandfather have a care giver in place? Has the family considered placement in a Dementia care facility? I know these are tough choices, and your story isn't unusual for a family and a person with Alzheimer's. For some reason, the patient doesn't have normal inhibitions in knowing what is right and wrong and can be very aggressive with inappropriate urges. There can also be hydrocephalus pressure on the brain that can increase aggression and sometimes surgery is done to place a shut to relieve the pressure. Brain damage can increase aggression a lot. I saw that in my dad who had a traumatic brain injury. Over time, Alzheimer's is causing brain damage as well. I saw my father in law go through some similar changes, and he really did better in a nursing home. He became irritated easily and would hit people if he was angry. It is very frustrating for this patient to try to navigate his world when nothing makes sense anymore. As a family it helps to remember the person he was, and to know that he wouldn't choose to have this behavior if he knew what he was doing. If he is living alone, he is a danger to himself. A person like this can leave home and get lost, or wander out in the middle of winter and freeze to death because they don't realize they need warm clothes. How does he get groceries and medicine? He must be very lost without his wife and he seems to be looking for her in other people.

What does help is distraction with happy memories. If you get out old photo albums and talk about shared experiences you can help him remember without telling him that he can't remember anymore. That is frightening to a person to loose their memories and he may fight to try to prove he is right. It's easy to change the subject. My father in law didn't want anything to change anything in the house, and his wife wanted to redecorate the kitchen that had not been changed in 30 years. We got out wallpaper books and kept complimenting him about the pattern he picked out (not really, but we gave him credit) for the kitchen and the new countertops, etc. We made him feel good about it and after a couple months, he didn't mind the new kitchen and we kept complimenting him on how nice it looked and he just beamed. It was a win-win for everyone. At one point, he was getting too aggressive for the safety of his elderly wife, so at that point, he moved to a nursing home. The first one didn't work out because he was aggressive to other patients, and he was moved to a different home and did better there. I used to take my dog to visit him which he really enjoyed as did other residents.

Are you getting some counseling or a support group for yourself? Are you talking to other family members about this? Remember that he cannot reason about things like you can, and everything is new and unfamiliar to him. He will get angry, but what he needs from you is compassion. He won't remember things he has done. He lives in the moment. Music can help a lot to calm a person and it seems to help a lot with Alzheimers because those memories seem to last longer. It may help to play the old time music from when he was young. Sing songs with him and do everything you can to make him feel good about himself. Your life will be easier for doing that and there may be some fun in shared experiences.

Would you consider reaching out to your county's aging and disability resource center? Usually you can find a lot of information online and they have social workers who can help with recommendations. What has his doctor said about what his care should be? Has he seen his own physician recently? Perhaps he is already living in a care facility. I wasn't sure from your post and didn't want to assume that was the case. Have you visited any dementia care facilities? That may be an educational experience that could lead to better understanding for your family.

Jump to this post

This is a very empathetic and helpful post. I tucked away some ideas for the possible day I will need it. Thank you so much for taking the time to write these suggestions.

REPLY
@jenniferhunter

@xavier90 Alzheimer's is tough on families. Does your grandfather have a care giver in place? Has the family considered placement in a Dementia care facility? I know these are tough choices, and your story isn't unusual for a family and a person with Alzheimer's. For some reason, the patient doesn't have normal inhibitions in knowing what is right and wrong and can be very aggressive with inappropriate urges. There can also be hydrocephalus pressure on the brain that can increase aggression and sometimes surgery is done to place a shut to relieve the pressure. Brain damage can increase aggression a lot. I saw that in my dad who had a traumatic brain injury. Over time, Alzheimer's is causing brain damage as well. I saw my father in law go through some similar changes, and he really did better in a nursing home. He became irritated easily and would hit people if he was angry. It is very frustrating for this patient to try to navigate his world when nothing makes sense anymore. As a family it helps to remember the person he was, and to know that he wouldn't choose to have this behavior if he knew what he was doing. If he is living alone, he is a danger to himself. A person like this can leave home and get lost, or wander out in the middle of winter and freeze to death because they don't realize they need warm clothes. How does he get groceries and medicine? He must be very lost without his wife and he seems to be looking for her in other people.

What does help is distraction with happy memories. If you get out old photo albums and talk about shared experiences you can help him remember without telling him that he can't remember anymore. That is frightening to a person to loose their memories and he may fight to try to prove he is right. It's easy to change the subject. My father in law didn't want anything to change anything in the house, and his wife wanted to redecorate the kitchen that had not been changed in 30 years. We got out wallpaper books and kept complimenting him about the pattern he picked out (not really, but we gave him credit) for the kitchen and the new countertops, etc. We made him feel good about it and after a couple months, he didn't mind the new kitchen and we kept complimenting him on how nice it looked and he just beamed. It was a win-win for everyone. At one point, he was getting too aggressive for the safety of his elderly wife, so at that point, he moved to a nursing home. The first one didn't work out because he was aggressive to other patients, and he was moved to a different home and did better there. I used to take my dog to visit him which he really enjoyed as did other residents.

Are you getting some counseling or a support group for yourself? Are you talking to other family members about this? Remember that he cannot reason about things like you can, and everything is new and unfamiliar to him. He will get angry, but what he needs from you is compassion. He won't remember things he has done. He lives in the moment. Music can help a lot to calm a person and it seems to help a lot with Alzheimers because those memories seem to last longer. It may help to play the old time music from when he was young. Sing songs with him and do everything you can to make him feel good about himself. Your life will be easier for doing that and there may be some fun in shared experiences.

Would you consider reaching out to your county's aging and disability resource center? Usually you can find a lot of information online and they have social workers who can help with recommendations. What has his doctor said about what his care should be? Has he seen his own physician recently? Perhaps he is already living in a care facility. I wasn't sure from your post and didn't want to assume that was the case. Have you visited any dementia care facilities? That may be an educational experience that could lead to better understanding for your family.

Jump to this post

@xavier90 @jenniferhunter This post is filled with experience and good advice. I've had similar experiences with my family members and in-laws. Photo albums to bring back memories to talk about can be soothing so I encourage you to consider doing this.

Xavier, I hope you will come back here and tell us how you are feeling and what you are doing for yourself and your family to cope with your grandfather's situation.

REPLY
@jenniferhunter

@xavier90 Alzheimer's is tough on families. Does your grandfather have a care giver in place? Has the family considered placement in a Dementia care facility? I know these are tough choices, and your story isn't unusual for a family and a person with Alzheimer's. For some reason, the patient doesn't have normal inhibitions in knowing what is right and wrong and can be very aggressive with inappropriate urges. There can also be hydrocephalus pressure on the brain that can increase aggression and sometimes surgery is done to place a shut to relieve the pressure. Brain damage can increase aggression a lot. I saw that in my dad who had a traumatic brain injury. Over time, Alzheimer's is causing brain damage as well. I saw my father in law go through some similar changes, and he really did better in a nursing home. He became irritated easily and would hit people if he was angry. It is very frustrating for this patient to try to navigate his world when nothing makes sense anymore. As a family it helps to remember the person he was, and to know that he wouldn't choose to have this behavior if he knew what he was doing. If he is living alone, he is a danger to himself. A person like this can leave home and get lost, or wander out in the middle of winter and freeze to death because they don't realize they need warm clothes. How does he get groceries and medicine? He must be very lost without his wife and he seems to be looking for her in other people.

What does help is distraction with happy memories. If you get out old photo albums and talk about shared experiences you can help him remember without telling him that he can't remember anymore. That is frightening to a person to loose their memories and he may fight to try to prove he is right. It's easy to change the subject. My father in law didn't want anything to change anything in the house, and his wife wanted to redecorate the kitchen that had not been changed in 30 years. We got out wallpaper books and kept complimenting him about the pattern he picked out (not really, but we gave him credit) for the kitchen and the new countertops, etc. We made him feel good about it and after a couple months, he didn't mind the new kitchen and we kept complimenting him on how nice it looked and he just beamed. It was a win-win for everyone. At one point, he was getting too aggressive for the safety of his elderly wife, so at that point, he moved to a nursing home. The first one didn't work out because he was aggressive to other patients, and he was moved to a different home and did better there. I used to take my dog to visit him which he really enjoyed as did other residents.

Are you getting some counseling or a support group for yourself? Are you talking to other family members about this? Remember that he cannot reason about things like you can, and everything is new and unfamiliar to him. He will get angry, but what he needs from you is compassion. He won't remember things he has done. He lives in the moment. Music can help a lot to calm a person and it seems to help a lot with Alzheimers because those memories seem to last longer. It may help to play the old time music from when he was young. Sing songs with him and do everything you can to make him feel good about himself. Your life will be easier for doing that and there may be some fun in shared experiences.

Would you consider reaching out to your county's aging and disability resource center? Usually you can find a lot of information online and they have social workers who can help with recommendations. What has his doctor said about what his care should be? Has he seen his own physician recently? Perhaps he is already living in a care facility. I wasn't sure from your post and didn't want to assume that was the case. Have you visited any dementia care facilities? That may be an educational experience that could lead to better understanding for your family.

Jump to this post

@xavier90 Xavier, a friend shared a link with me that explains a lot of issues with aging and dementia. I thought this may also be helpful to you. https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-handle-an-elderly-parents-bad-behavior-138673.htm

I was also thinking since your grandfather was a doctor, that may pose a difficulty since he will think he is in charge of medical decisions. You may be able to ask him questions about a similar situation with your imaginary "friend". Connect has some discussions about how art and music help patients heal where you can find some links to related stories. You could ask his advice about your imaginary friend while you are talking about art or music and how much you think it helps by making patients feel happy and relaxed. Let him feel valued by stating his medical opinion about music. That would be a jumping off point to distract him with something positive. Maybe you could get some adult coloring books and ask him to help you finish a project with one of them. Tell him anything.. like you are dong this for a children's daycare center. Make him feel like he is helping someone else by helping you do something. He wants to feel valued and respected as a person who is there to make the community better. That may be the reason he became a doctor and you can use that to make him (and everyone else) happy.

Music is proven to help. There a great discussion and music and health in the Just Want to Talk group. Check it out here:

– Music Helps Me
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/music-helps-me/

The Art for Healing discussion can also be found in the Just Want to Talk Group. You might enjoy it. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/art-for-healing

Do you think some of these creative ideas may help? Do you have another strategy that you think he may respond to?

Jennifer

REPLY
@jenniferhunter

@xavier90 Alzheimer's is tough on families. Does your grandfather have a care giver in place? Has the family considered placement in a Dementia care facility? I know these are tough choices, and your story isn't unusual for a family and a person with Alzheimer's. For some reason, the patient doesn't have normal inhibitions in knowing what is right and wrong and can be very aggressive with inappropriate urges. There can also be hydrocephalus pressure on the brain that can increase aggression and sometimes surgery is done to place a shut to relieve the pressure. Brain damage can increase aggression a lot. I saw that in my dad who had a traumatic brain injury. Over time, Alzheimer's is causing brain damage as well. I saw my father in law go through some similar changes, and he really did better in a nursing home. He became irritated easily and would hit people if he was angry. It is very frustrating for this patient to try to navigate his world when nothing makes sense anymore. As a family it helps to remember the person he was, and to know that he wouldn't choose to have this behavior if he knew what he was doing. If he is living alone, he is a danger to himself. A person like this can leave home and get lost, or wander out in the middle of winter and freeze to death because they don't realize they need warm clothes. How does he get groceries and medicine? He must be very lost without his wife and he seems to be looking for her in other people.

What does help is distraction with happy memories. If you get out old photo albums and talk about shared experiences you can help him remember without telling him that he can't remember anymore. That is frightening to a person to loose their memories and he may fight to try to prove he is right. It's easy to change the subject. My father in law didn't want anything to change anything in the house, and his wife wanted to redecorate the kitchen that had not been changed in 30 years. We got out wallpaper books and kept complimenting him about the pattern he picked out (not really, but we gave him credit) for the kitchen and the new countertops, etc. We made him feel good about it and after a couple months, he didn't mind the new kitchen and we kept complimenting him on how nice it looked and he just beamed. It was a win-win for everyone. At one point, he was getting too aggressive for the safety of his elderly wife, so at that point, he moved to a nursing home. The first one didn't work out because he was aggressive to other patients, and he was moved to a different home and did better there. I used to take my dog to visit him which he really enjoyed as did other residents.

Are you getting some counseling or a support group for yourself? Are you talking to other family members about this? Remember that he cannot reason about things like you can, and everything is new and unfamiliar to him. He will get angry, but what he needs from you is compassion. He won't remember things he has done. He lives in the moment. Music can help a lot to calm a person and it seems to help a lot with Alzheimers because those memories seem to last longer. It may help to play the old time music from when he was young. Sing songs with him and do everything you can to make him feel good about himself. Your life will be easier for doing that and there may be some fun in shared experiences.

Would you consider reaching out to your county's aging and disability resource center? Usually you can find a lot of information online and they have social workers who can help with recommendations. What has his doctor said about what his care should be? Has he seen his own physician recently? Perhaps he is already living in a care facility. I wasn't sure from your post and didn't want to assume that was the case. Have you visited any dementia care facilities? That may be an educational experience that could lead to better understanding for your family.

Jump to this post

@xavier90 I came across some information from the Alzheimer's Association that I wanted to share with you.
https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10_signs

At the bottom of the page of that website is this check list for a doctor's appointment that is a good resource on how to talk to the doctor about Alzheimer's, and find help and make plans. This list can help organize and assist.
https://www.alz.org/media/documents/alzheimers-dementia-communicating-doctor-health-care-pro-ts.pdf

Perhaps you have your own list of questions too. Are you getting support from other family members?

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