How do I know I've chosen the right psychotherapist for me?

Posted by lsittll @lsittll, Oct 31, 2021

I have a topic regarding a medical matter that I talk to my psychotherapist about. She says I am not the person to talk to about this. She listens a few times is very cold while listening and eventually says I am not the to talk to about this. That makes me feel like she does not want to listen to my feelings. It would be nicer if she would say I'm sorry I think it would be better if you talk to or you should talk to so and so about this. I tell her her she focuses on one thing and she will not admit it, so says no you do. I mention it once or twice in therapy because she started our sessions that way (I have only seen her for 2 months). She then says list 3 goals of therapy. I can only list one. Other things come up intermittently. I am beginning to wonder in some ways have I chosen the right therapist?

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@gingerw

@lsittll If you are perhaps discussing feelings about a medical situation, how it makes you feel, and how to work through things, it seems your therapist would be open to that. It also seems wise if your therapist is expected to discuss particular medical details she may not be versed on, that she would refuse to go there.

But, as @jakedduck1 mentioned, if you are not comfortable, then change. Not every therapist is the right fit. And you sometimes have to experience them to know they aren't the right fit.

Let me know what you decide to do, and how we can help you?
Ginger

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Hello Ginger! I stopped seeing this therspist months ago. However, my psychiatric nurse practitioner (her friend) says to me when I see her monthly are you still seeing Priscilla? I am tired of telling her no. I said she lacked important qualities that I need in a counsellor. What can I say and how can I say to my nurse practitioner that I am no longer seeing her and never have to repeat myself again!

Laurie

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@lsittll

Hello Ginger! I stopped seeing this therspist months ago. However, my psychiatric nurse practitioner (her friend) says to me when I see her monthly are you still seeing Priscilla? I am tired of telling her no. I said she lacked important qualities that I need in a counsellor. What can I say and how can I say to my nurse practitioner that I am no longer seeing her and never have to repeat myself again!

Laurie

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@Isittll Laurie, this is my thought.

If you have told your psychiatric NP "no" more than once, she might be hoping you expand your answer to include what you have done to move on from that therapist. She might be wanting to hear you have another therapist in place who is helping you. She may need to document in the chart notes that you are [or, are not] seeing another therapist. Has she asked you a follow-up question when you say "no"?

You could always ask her, "Why do you ask me this every time?" to see what she says. How do you feel about that idea?

And for my own benefit, have you found another therapist, either virtually or face-to-face, who is more to your liking? I hope you are doing well!
Ginger

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@lsittll
Why not tell her exactly that.I would probably tell her something like “I have answered that question over and over and I’m not comfortable talking about her and I’m not going to discuss it now or in the future. Please stop asking if I’m still seeing her. Don’t you take or read your notes.”
I might ask “why do you find it necessary to ask me this question so often.” It may be an uncomfortable conversation but it seems to me she isn’t giving you much of a choice. Doctors and medical personnel, in my opinion are only entitled to as much respect as they show their patients.
You may need to go on the hunt for a new therapist. I’ve had numerous confrontations and most of the time our relationship improved. Other times I knew that wasn’t the doctor for me and left avoiding a conflict other times I told them off in no uncertain terms and then left.
It’s too bad you've been having problems with these people.
Stay strong stand up to them. It's difficult at times but worth it in long term provided they aren't egomaniac's.
Good luck,
Jake

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@lsittll
@gingerw
I think if the nurse wants to know something specific she should ask it in a direct manner. Not only to prevent repetitive answers that may not give her the information she is seeking it may end up wasting valuable time that could be utilized more productively.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

@lsittll
@gingerw
I think if the nurse wants to know something specific she should ask it in a direct manner. Not only to prevent repetitive answers that may not give her the information she is seeking it may end up wasting valuable time that could be utilized more productively.
Jake

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In these times, I find my providers using a voice activated electronic scribe during an appointment. The scribe is taking down the notes for the visit. So, that may also be a reason the question is repeated each time.
Ginger

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@gingerw

@Isittll Laurie, this is my thought.

If you have told your psychiatric NP "no" more than once, she might be hoping you expand your answer to include what you have done to move on from that therapist. She might be wanting to hear you have another therapist in place who is helping you. She may need to document in the chart notes that you are [or, are not] seeing another therapist. Has she asked you a follow-up question when you say "no"?

You could always ask her, "Why do you ask me this every time?" to see what she says. How do you feel about that idea?

And for my own benefit, have you found another therapist, either virtually or face-to-face, who is more to your liking? I hope you are doing well!
Ginger

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@gingerwGinger

Hello!

Unfortunately I have not found a therapist. I have called some and they never get back to me. Last week I emailed and called a social worker saying I was looking forward to hear from her and I heard nothing. Others I want to see are not taking new patients. I need a therapist locally but they do not have to be in my zip code and Cigna reps only want to give persons in my zip code and three of them. There is such a long list of therapists online. The list is longer than the one in the provider directory. You must check with Cigna first to see if the provider online accepts you insurance plan. Reps do not want to check this information, They do not have access to it, my plan doesn't cover the services of a social worker, I don't know if Cigna covers social workers they tell me. I have given up with them. The only way I will get the needed information is probably to ask for a supervisor.

There are so many male therapists too. The therapist must be a female for me. I can only communicate with older persons. Cigna has given me the name of a social worker nearby but she is not yet credentialed with the practice.
I do not know how long that will be either. I have been without a therapist so long. I need someone NOW! At least temporarily until that counselor is credentialed with Prologue. I can't wait all this time. When I go without psychotherapy for such a long time my depression gets the very worse. In fact the worst. Months ago I started taking extra Cymbalta without telling my psychiatric nurse practitioner/therapist when I had to go without a therapist. Without a therapist I will need more Cymbalta. I don't know what to do where to get help!

Laurie

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@gingerw

In these times, I find my providers using a voice activated electronic scribe during an appointment. The scribe is taking down the notes for the visit. So, that may also be a reason the question is repeated each time.
Ginger

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@gingerw
Hello Ginger!

I called somewhere today where I can get some psychotherapy. I have gone there before. It is not my #1 choice. - they don't know how to bill. It is JCS (Jewish Community Services). They have many counselors there. That is why I chose it. I can't continue to wait. I don't want to see things regress. I'll be seeing my fourth therapist there. I usually have to see four therapists or doctors before I find one I feel comfortable with.

A big sigh of relief! I can say I have done something for myself today.

Laurie

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@jakedduck1

@lsittll
@gingerw
I think if the nurse wants to know something specific she should ask it in a direct manner. Not only to prevent repetitive answers that may not give her the information she is seeking it may end up wasting valuable time that could be utilized more productively.
Jake

Jump to this post

@gingerw
@jakedduck

Hello!
Today I spoke with my psychiatric nurse practitioner. She asked if I found a new therapist. I was very happy to say yes. I must get counselling to see her. She didn't seem to like where I am going but tough on her. I have valid reasons of choosing that place.

Laurie

REPLY
@lsittll

@gingerw
@jakedduck

Hello!
Today I spoke with my psychiatric nurse practitioner. She asked if I found a new therapist. I was very happy to say yes. I must get counselling to see her. She didn't seem to like where I am going but tough on her. I have valid reasons of choosing that place.

Laurie

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@Isittll Good for you! I sincerely hope you are able to get good support and results with your new therapist! And, I agree, who you choose, where you go, is what is best for you and your situation, not for someone else.
Ginger

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@lsittll

@gingerwGinger

Hello!

Unfortunately I have not found a therapist. I have called some and they never get back to me. Last week I emailed and called a social worker saying I was looking forward to hear from her and I heard nothing. Others I want to see are not taking new patients. I need a therapist locally but they do not have to be in my zip code and Cigna reps only want to give persons in my zip code and three of them. There is such a long list of therapists online. The list is longer than the one in the provider directory. You must check with Cigna first to see if the provider online accepts you insurance plan. Reps do not want to check this information, They do not have access to it, my plan doesn't cover the services of a social worker, I don't know if Cigna covers social workers they tell me. I have given up with them. The only way I will get the needed information is probably to ask for a supervisor.

There are so many male therapists too. The therapist must be a female for me. I can only communicate with older persons. Cigna has given me the name of a social worker nearby but she is not yet credentialed with the practice.
I do not know how long that will be either. I have been without a therapist so long. I need someone NOW! At least temporarily until that counselor is credentialed with Prologue. I can't wait all this time. When I go without psychotherapy for such a long time my depression gets the very worse. In fact the worst. Months ago I started taking extra Cymbalta without telling my psychiatric nurse practitioner/therapist when I had to go without a therapist. Without a therapist I will need more Cymbalta. I don't know what to do where to get help!

Laurie

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Please be careful with Cymbalta! It has had very serious side effects for my husband

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