How do I know I've chosen the right psychotherapist for me?

Posted by lsittll @lsittll, Oct 31, 2021

I have a topic regarding a medical matter that I talk to my psychotherapist about. She says I am not the person to talk to about this. She listens a few times is very cold while listening and eventually says I am not the to talk to about this. That makes me feel like she does not want to listen to my feelings. It would be nicer if she would say I'm sorry I think it would be better if you talk to or you should talk to so and so about this. I tell her her she focuses on one thing and she will not admit it, so says no you do. I mention it once or twice in therapy because she started our sessions that way (I have only seen her for 2 months). She then says list 3 goals of therapy. I can only list one. Other things come up intermittently. I am beginning to wonder in some ways have I chosen the right therapist?

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@lsittll
If she isn't providing you the help your seeking I'd say it's time to move on. Does she explain why she’s not the person you should talk to you? Have you asked her to explain why. I have never seen a therapist but if she refused to help me for a problem I was paying for I’d seek out someone else.
It's not right she's being paid without providing you the help your there for. It isn't fair to you or whoever pays her bill. If she’s being paid through insurance, it isn't fair to whoever pays the premiums whether it's an individual, employer or the taxpayers. Perhaps you have already confronted her about not helping you, if you haven't I believe that it is your responsibility to do so.
If you move on I would be reluctant to go to anyone she recommends.
Best of luck,
Jake

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Hello Jake!

My therapist does not give any reason why she does not feel she's the one to talk to about the matter (The matter is about my neurologist.). She says I should speak to a psychiatric nurse practitioner whom she knows and whom I see for medication management only. I just spoke with the psychiatric nurse practitioner. I will tell my therapist how the session went and ask her why she does not feel she is the one to talk to about about that. I had a therapist/social worker & she worked with psychiatrists and she never would have referred me to one of them. I have never had any other therapists refuse to listen to me about a problem. I've only seen this one for about 8 weeks but because she doesn't want to listen to my biggest problem I want to change.

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@lsittll
I think that's a wise decision.
I hope finding a new therapist goes smoothly. I'm sure it will be a challenge your not looking forward to.
Hopefully she will change her mind about addressing the Neurologist issue.
Jake

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@lsittll

Hello Jake!

My therapist does not give any reason why she does not feel she's the one to talk to about the matter (The matter is about my neurologist.). She says I should speak to a psychiatric nurse practitioner whom she knows and whom I see for medication management only. I just spoke with the psychiatric nurse practitioner. I will tell my therapist how the session went and ask her why she does not feel she is the one to talk to about about that. I had a therapist/social worker & she worked with psychiatrists and she never would have referred me to one of them. I have never had any other therapists refuse to listen to me about a problem. I've only seen this one for about 8 weeks but because she doesn't want to listen to my biggest problem I want to change.

Jump to this post

If you want to change then you should do that. If you are discussing medical issues with her I can understand why she wont discuss that. If your asking for advice on how to communicate with your neurologist then she should help with that.

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@lsittll If you are perhaps discussing feelings about a medical situation, how it makes you feel, and how to work through things, it seems your therapist would be open to that. It also seems wise if your therapist is expected to discuss particular medical details she may not be versed on, that she would refuse to go there.

But, as @jakedduck1 mentioned, if you are not comfortable, then change. Not every therapist is the right fit. And you sometimes have to experience them to know they aren't the right fit.

Let me know what you decide to do, and how we can help you?
Ginger

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@marsha2

If you want to change then you should do that. If you are discussing medical issues with her I can understand why she wont discuss that. If your asking for advice on how to communicate with your neurologist then she should help with that.

Jump to this post

I had a session with her today. I asked why she did not think she was the person to talk to about this matter. She said because it is a medication/medical matter. I said I want her support. I expect her to listen and not be cold in doing so. She's cold anyhow.

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lsittll
Yep, I'd dump her. So what if it's a medical matter. You have a choice in your treatment even if it were wrong she should help guide you through this and be supportive of your decision. I'd just tell the Neuro no new batter and don't you ever mention it again.
It's not like you haven't given it a chance.
Jake

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@jakedduck1

lsittll
Yep, I'd dump her. So what if it's a medical matter. You have a choice in your treatment even if it were wrong she should help guide you through this and be supportive of your decision. I'd just tell the Neuro no new batter and don't you ever mention it again.
It's not like you haven't given it a chance.
Jake

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Hello Jake!

Today when I said to my therapist I am just asking for her support with the matter. She goes absolutely! Then show it to me lady. She started out so nice and concerned about my well being but she has proven herself to be different.

Laurie/@lsittll

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@gingerw

@lsittll If you are perhaps discussing feelings about a medical situation, how it makes you feel, and how to work through things, it seems your therapist would be open to that. It also seems wise if your therapist is expected to discuss particular medical details she may not be versed on, that she would refuse to go there.

But, as @jakedduck1 mentioned, if you are not comfortable, then change. Not every therapist is the right fit. And you sometimes have to experience them to know they aren't the right fit.

Let me know what you decide to do, and how we can help you?
Ginger

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Hello @gingerw
You are correct that she should have been open to listening. If she had questions about what I said she should have researched the matter. She personally knows the psychiatric nurse practitioner she told me to talk to so it would have been easy for her. My other counselors and social workers have researched things when they have had questions.

I thoroughly research my psychotherapists/social workers background before seeing them. The LinkedIn page for this therapist attracted me to her. But she's not as good as she looks. I'll go researching the therapists once I find which ones are within my HMO network. I can't go back to the great one I had years ago because she is out of network and I must pay 100% of her fees. I must wait til the government lets me free and I can get Medicare again to see her.

I don't think there is anything you can do to help the matter. I have had several people tell me to change counsellors. The more the better! I go through about four counselors and four doctors until I fine the one I am comfortable with.

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@marsha2

If you want to change then you should do that. If you are discussing medical issues with her I can understand why she wont discuss that. If your asking for advice on how to communicate with your neurologist then she should help with that.

Jump to this post

Ive seen several psychotherapists over the years. I have found that they each have areas that they like or prefer to focus on. They dont realize their single focus so just move on till you find one who relates to you and your issues. Dont blame them or be angry. Once you connect with one it’ll be worthwhile.

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@gingerw

@lsittll If you are perhaps discussing feelings about a medical situation, how it makes you feel, and how to work through things, it seems your therapist would be open to that. It also seems wise if your therapist is expected to discuss particular medical details she may not be versed on, that she would refuse to go there.

But, as @jakedduck1 mentioned, if you are not comfortable, then change. Not every therapist is the right fit. And you sometimes have to experience them to know they aren't the right fit.

Let me know what you decide to do, and how we can help you?
Ginger

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Hello Ginger!

I have decided that change is most definitely needed and I will do so. The other week I did not change my clocks so I didn't make the bus. I couldn't make therapy. Last week she wanted to do teletherapy because she was away. I missed the messages. So what? I'm looking for someone else. No teletherapy for me with her! She is colder than a rock in winter then. I have told her the most traumatic things during teletherapy and she cannot be empathetic about them. I only need someone to listen to me about the problem my doctor is giving me, help me write a note to a hospital advocate to resolve an issue with my doctor. But this social worker wants to do none of those things.

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@gingerw

@lsittll If you are perhaps discussing feelings about a medical situation, how it makes you feel, and how to work through things, it seems your therapist would be open to that. It also seems wise if your therapist is expected to discuss particular medical details she may not be versed on, that she would refuse to go there.

But, as @jakedduck1 mentioned, if you are not comfortable, then change. Not every therapist is the right fit. And you sometimes have to experience them to know they aren't the right fit.

Let me know what you decide to do, and how we can help you?
Ginger

Jump to this post

Hello Ginger!

I have stopped seeing her but last week she called me I didn't make an appointment and today she called again. Today the phone rang and when I looked at the caller ID it was my therapist. it happened that I did not have my answering machine on so I let the phone ring and ring. It rang12 times. I am not making appointments yet she's calling. I'm come on lady bug off! How can I get this lady to stop? I'm surely not calling her.

@lsittll

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