1. < Loss & Grief

My life turned from great to awful and back to good

Posted by tmmmrlts @tmmmrlts, Mar 1, 2020

My name is Melissa and I was a caregiver for my husband until he passed away 6/14/19. Since he passed, I was a mess for the first few months. I was just mad at the world and I wrecked my car and that made me feel like crap, it was one of the 2 cars that he had put together. I was always trying to do stuff to stay away from people.

Then a switch happened i started going to grief meetings,and started going to church, got saved and baptized I started back to school to get my diploma, I graduate in May. My children thought I wasn't grieving. But now they are proud of me for doing what I always encouraged them to do.

I will always love and miss my husband. But when you realize you have to do what is best for you. Then you can start a different life and make it better for yourself. It's not easy but if I can do it so can you.Thank you to all the wonderful people on here for keeping me strong. I graduate May 29th 2020 from the mers goodwill excel center.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Loss & Grief Support Group.

dougmcd | @dougmcd | Dec 11, 2021

Thank you all for your kind words. It has been difficult to go out. I will try some of your suggestions but for now I am grieving very deeply and giving what I can to my children, young grandchildren and making it through the holidays. I know I am a changed man.

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providence1960 | @providence1960 | Dec 12, 2021

I am sorry for your loss...this is a hard time of the year I know. Grief is such a personal journey but I know from experience that a grieving group can help and just staying “busy” whatever that means...from a walk to an activity....helps too. Treasure the memories of your beloved wife.

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tasher3433 | @tasher3433 | Dec 13, 2021

People try to be so helpful at this time of year, not comprehending grief is not seasonal. Would you consider honouring your wife’s memory by doing something you and she enjoyed together? A walk, a beach, a group of wee ones? There I go, doing what everyone else does..trying to make you feel “better”. Grief is a journey of it’s own path. You embrace it in whatever way honours your love for each other. My best wishes to you.

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tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Dec 14, 2021

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago Noone can tell you how to grieve or how long to. I kept myself busy doing anything that I could to try to keep my mind off it. I however got my diploma for high-school, after 30 som years then went on to college. I have also went on a vacation where my husband and I visited. It was good just to be alone. To grieve and cry and be happy, with no one to judge me. I'm sorry for your loss and wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Its hard when you lose someone especially holidays and special occasions. I wish you the best, and God bless you.

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tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Dec 14, 2021
In reply to @donnacarp "Wow. You have really taken action to overcome. I can still do very little and I..." + (show)
@donnacarp

Wow. You have really taken action to overcome. I can still do very little and I have a terrible problem with really caring. My then 32yr old son died in 2007/cancer, then my husband of 20 years died in 2008, my dad in 2009 died, in 2011 my younger son came home after being missing for 12 years. In 2016 my new condo burned out entirely. I felt I had nothing left to lose and so I remarried at the end of 2013 and had moved to NY, keeping a small place in OK, I couldn't afford to keep up my house that I had with my husband. That younger son Tim died in 2018 just 2 days after his father (was married to him for 17 years). Tim died of a heart attack - broken heart syndrome. My mother also died in Nov 2018. During all those years from 2007-current I have worked diligently just to stay upright. I had numerous health issues which were pseudo problems and of all sorts. It has been like my body breaking down. Actually the pandemic has given me pause and I have had to sit still so to speak. Migraines every day for many years. When I have a pain free and peaceful night sleep it seems a miracle. I think I have gotten me this far by just believing that some day I will get to the other side and the Grace of God whom I had to actually seek. When my first son died, a priest said to me, "You will never have to hurt this bad again." I have wondered but truthfully nothing hurt more than Jeff's death in 2007. I thought I would surely die. I have a daughter remaining. she is the oldest. I have 3 grandchildren, 2 by my daughter and her husband and one who was only 18 mo old when his father Jeff died. Thankfully, he looks mostly like his mother but oh my God! --when his voice changed he sounded exactly like Jeff. Jeffs voice and sound.

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I am so sorry for all the loss. I had lost my daughter in 08 my granddaughter 2010 mom in 2013 dad in 2016 and husband 2019. So I have had a bunch of loss and I have health issues to. They told me I need a liver transplant. I am leaving everything to God. I have accomplished getting my diploma and started college. I try to keep busy helping others. I have also got saved and baptized so either way it goes I'm a winner. I thank God every day for waking me up.

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1 reply
tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Dec 14, 2021
In reply to @colleenyoung "Welcome back, tmmmrits. Good to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear about your new diagnosis..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

Welcome back, tmmmrits. Good to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear about your new diagnosis of gastric antral vascular ectasia (GAVE) and that you will need a liver transplant. You may wish to join the discussions in the Transplants support group here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/transplants/

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Thank you so much. I have so much to look forward to seeing my grandchildren and children grow and mature into fine young men and young ladies.

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1 reply
donnacarp | @donnacarp | Dec 15, 2021
In reply to @tmmmrlts "I am so sorry for all the loss. I had lost my daughter in 08 my..." + (show)
@tmmmrlts

I am so sorry for all the loss. I had lost my daughter in 08 my granddaughter 2010 mom in 2013 dad in 2016 and husband 2019. So I have had a bunch of loss and I have health issues to. They told me I need a liver transplant. I am leaving everything to God. I have accomplished getting my diploma and started college. I try to keep busy helping others. I have also got saved and baptized so either way it goes I'm a winner. I thank God every day for waking me up.

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I'm still feeling pretty tangled but staying with Life. I have always known I am resilient and I thank God for that. When I remarried this LAST TIME, I moved to NYC so there is always somewhere to go and something to do which I love. My remaining child, a daughter, is coming with the family of 2 grandchildren and her husband are all coming on Dec 19. I could let myself get nervous and think I have to know where and what to do but she is nearly 50 and the children are 19 and 17 and have been here before. Her husband has had some health challenges so will need to take is slow which is great. We can just let them do whatever they want to do. All vaccinated for the mandates here.

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tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Dec 30, 2021
In reply to @tmmmrlts "Thank you so much. I have so much to look forward to seeing my grandchildren and..." + (show)
@tmmmrlts

Thank you so much. I have so much to look forward to seeing my grandchildren and children grow and mature into fine young men and young ladies.

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Its there opinion not God's. I have faith that what is God's will be. Either way I'm a winner. I have more good news I'm going to be s great grandma

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1 reply
tmmmrlts | @tmmmrlts | Dec 30, 2021
In reply to @tmmmrlts "Its there opinion not God's. I have faith that what is God's will be. Either way..." + (show)
@tmmmrlts

Its there opinion not God's. I have faith that what is God's will be. Either way I'm a winner. I have more good news I'm going to be s great grandma

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Sorry I haven't been on much with college and hospital and dr appt. I have been busy

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