Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

Hi there fellow copder. Yep it's a pia but it is what it is.
I have severe copd and if that's not enough, my poor decrepit lungs also have bronchiectasis and pseudomonas (a nasty drug resistant bacteria)
I have lots of sputum and spend an hour every morning and another one every evening doing airway clearance . Don't ask.
You don't want to know!
But with all that I don't desaturate and consequently am not on supp O2. I just helped my housekeeper put the laundry away and am sitting here recovering my breath. O2 96% on room air. Sometimes I wish I could turn it up and breathe better.
( housekeeper? Yes. I started saving for home health care when I was diagnosed with severe copd in 2010. No nursing home for me. Without being able to travel or eat out or spend much money there's plenty in that account. I live alone and no way could clean this place)

I also have had two cancers, the second one caused by extensive radiation for the first one and have terrible digestive issues as a result .

But with all that and a clearly limited quality of life, I do have pleasure in my life. There is so much to watch and to read . And so many interesting people to meet on support groups .

And silly optimist that I am I always hope it will get better. Summer is almost here.

@ta52- @olgamarie- @marshall8318 - Good morning. I think that there might be some confusion here. Making end-of-life decisions does not mean that you are choosing death. It means that you are living well, taking care of business. Some of this is similar to buying car insurance. It guarantees certain things. Now if you were a 20-year old I would really wonder why you would do this. I'm guessing that you aren't!

By making a will, even buying cemetery plots makes good sense. This way you make the decisions and there will be fewer confusing decisions for your heirs to make.

When my niece was killed I bought up all the plots around her that I could so that whoever wanted to be near her could. I am a 23+ lung cancer survivor from 2 different lung cancers, 2 open chest surgeries, 2 SBRT's, PTSD, COPD, and various other annoyances. Making end-life decisions, as difficult and morbid as they were, gave me peace of mind. It was a good day of living when I made my decisions.

There is no shame in thinking about dying. Survival is a natural instinct and for a healthy life, I think that those thoughts mature us. Sometimes it's difficult to know what our place is in the world. For me, I had to look at my whole life and that meant both ends.

Thank you for those words. I recently found out my lung cancer has spread to my liver. All I hear and see in peoples faces is "oh with a sad face" This concerned me as I am stage 4 lung cancer and was doing reallyt well 3 months ago. I immediatly went into depression. But I want to be upbeat and happy, Working on paperwork is a struggle but am getting it done. I have a Social Worker helping me. So any words of encouragement will be welcome. 23 years is what I saw in your comment. I feel better now!

@tahoerox99- Twenty-four next month! I do think that wanting to be positive and happy will see you through what might be a tough journey ahead. It will help propel you to just go forward, not spend too much time on what might be but what can be. That is the gold, the path that is lit to show you the way.

Having help will lessen your stress and give you more energy. What really helped lessen my sadness and depression was telling people about my journey. Would you like to do that here, to give hope to others? Help them on their journey as we go along on yours? Isn't that right, @richcolleen?

Can’t get in this new system. Sign in with my Mayo password and doesn’t work but can get in to see test that were just completed? Go figure

Colleen

This I-pad changes words without me knowing!

Can’t get in this new system. Sign in with my Mayo password and doesn’t work but can get in to see test that were just completed? Go figure

Colleen

This I-pad changes words without me knowing!

Think I’m in now!

I too worry about final preperations. I cannot figure out what to do first. I just as you am looking for some answers. Reaching out to several services. Sometimes frustrated about them never getting back to me. Not having the energy to do any of it. Worried about my kids being sad after I go. I have lung cancer and wear oxgyen. I can't cry because it is hard to breath. I am angry at my husband for his lack of caring. I don't think that is going well at all. Sorry but wanted you to know your not alone. Look up a site called "MyLungCancerteam" Lots of info and support. They at least listen. Good Luck.. If I figure any of this out I will let you know. Or just let it all go!! Bless you!