Worst case of depression? Need help

Hey, @ddeon07, You just said my favorite 4 letter word! Hope! Don’t get me wrong…believe me, I have other four letter words when I feel the need, but one of the most powerful words in our arsenal is Hope!

Many of the members in our forum have faced huge obstacles in their lives and the one thing that propelled them forward, to keep going is hope. I’m one of those people. So I know you can win this challenge of changing your life around.

I’m just curious, if you mapped out the ideal life, what would you see for yourself? Where would you be? What do you want to be doing? Your vision can serve as your roadmap for the future.

Can I ask your age?

@loribmt I'm 20 and I've got nothing mapped out. Sadly

No worries that you’re 20 with no roadmap! I’m 67 and still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.

Let’s keep going on this! I want to think a little more before I respond tomorrow.
In the mean time, I hope I’ve planted a seed in your head with a vision towards the future. I think it’s a good place to start. Sometimes we need a nudge to get us out of bad habits.

Will you give some thought to what you see yourself doing if you were able to do anything you want?

@ddeon07
Good Morning,
I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time!
My first instinct is to tell you to start off with a thorough physical by your doctor (including blood work).
Your symptoms can be many things, and yes, depression; however, only a doctor can tell for sure.
Good luck!
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

You are still young.
Teens often talk about what they want to be or study in college.
When they get there, they find out they were wrong.
I was married with two children and didn't know what I wanted to do.
At 26, after 7 years of marriage, I decided I wanted to go to college (I got married right out of high school).
I thought I wanted to become a school secretary so that I would be off with my kids and have good medical and a pension.
I lived in NYC and needed 30 credits to become a school secretary.
I decided to go for my 2 year degree since my youngest was too young to start public school and the college I went to had daycare.
When I was just about done, I realized that if I had to sit behind a desk, I'd go crazy.
My sister-in-law (an elementary school teacher), said I was always complaining that my kids were growing so fast, why not teach.
My hubby was very supportive and I decided to do just that.
With the switch in majors, it took me a total of 5 years to get my degree.
After teaching for several years, I decided to become an administrator,
I went back for my 2nd master's degree.
I became a elementary school principal and ending my career at that position after 10 years.
Everyone has a different journey and takes different roads to get to the end.
Sometimes there are twists and turns in the road, or even roadblocks.
If school is your thing, go to a community college and try out different courses to see what you like.
Good luck!
Ronnie (GRANDMAr)

Wow. Thank you grandma Ronnie

Thank you

Haha, good one
Well, I'd like to be effective in society but really from the shadows. I know this is very vague but that's kind of what I want amidst all these fog.

No, it’s not vague at all! I get what you mean. I’m an introvert by nature and rather be in the background than face to face with people. See how this volunteer job suits me? Depression can really leave you feeling like you’re living in a fog. I went through it a long time ago but I still remember the oppressive feeling of “what’s the point?” and yet I had everything I ever wanted right in front of me. It’s almost like I was observing myself from the outside, not even recognizing who I was anymore.

@grandmar is spot on, most of us have no idea when we’re younger exactly what we want. And our roads twist and turn all the time. Even people who love their careers from the get-go often end up burned out and wanting a change.

You’re far from hopeless. I think you just need some direction to get you started. Honestly, my gut reaction the other day, knowing nothing about you, is that you feel no sense of purpose right now. A sense of purpose also gives us a feeling of self-worth. We all need a reason to get up in the morning and to feel needed or relevant. Am I close?

And I’m also sensing that you live at home and feeling pressured to find a job or to do something with your life. Right? So it’s easier to head over to your friend’s house than to sit in judgment. I get it! When you’re feeling so bad about yourself already, that’s the last thing you want to hear at home. What’s your family life like though? Do you get along with your parents? Any siblings?
I didn’t always have the best relationship with my parents when I was younger, my mom especially. We were always going head to head about something. I was fiercely independent and would dig my heels in instead of actually sitting down and talking to them. When I finally did, it was amazing how smart and understanding they were with me.

Reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

Have you considered taking classes at a vocational/technical college? They have great counselors who take the time to talk with you about possible educational opportunities.

If you sat and talked to your parents would they help you make some life choices?

Depression is an horrible thing to have. No words can really describe what it feels like at the worse hour of the day- People ask me why am I depressed- after years of trauma and wars- I don't have the energy to even try and explain it. I think that's probably because I cant really define it.