Worst case of depression? Need help

No, it’s not vague at all! I get what you mean. I’m an introvert by nature and rather be in the background than face to face with people. See how this volunteer job suits me? Depression can really leave you feeling like you’re living in a fog. I went through it a long time ago but I still remember the oppressive feeling of “what’s the point?” and yet I had everything I ever wanted right in front of me. It’s almost like I was observing myself from the outside, not even recognizing who I was anymore.

@grandmar is spot on, most of us have no idea when we’re younger exactly what we want. And our roads twist and turn all the time. Even people who love their careers from the get-go often end up burned out and wanting a change.

You’re far from hopeless. I think you just need some direction to get you started. Honestly, my gut reaction the other day, knowing nothing about you, is that you feel no sense of purpose right now. A sense of purpose also gives us a feeling of self-worth. We all need a reason to get up in the morning and to feel needed or relevant. Am I close?

And I’m also sensing that you live at home and feeling pressured to find a job or to do something with your life. Right? So it’s easier to head over to your friend’s house than to sit in judgment. I get it! When you’re feeling so bad about yourself already, that’s the last thing you want to hear at home. What’s your family life like though? Do you get along with your parents? Any siblings?
I didn’t always have the best relationship with my parents when I was younger, my mom especially. We were always going head to head about something. I was fiercely independent and would dig my heels in instead of actually sitting down and talking to them. When I finally did, it was amazing how smart and understanding they were with me.

Reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.”

Have you considered taking classes at a vocational/technical college? They have great counselors who take the time to talk with you about possible educational opportunities.

If you sat and talked to your parents would they help you make some life choices?

@loribmt you're pretty close. Phew, always thought I needed to change so badly because most people make me feel like "no one is born an introvert. You just giving excuses" and yes, I did try to change but it exhausted me. It didn't even feel right to me.
I have no sense of purpose. That's an understatement but true. I know people learning skills (legal and illegal) and earning money to cater for themselves. It drives me nuts cause I don't have that. And what kills me is that I've never been "pay-worthy" of something or a skill. And all my interests now are those that help me escape reality and those ones bring no money or value.
I school. I'm in a tertiary(university to be precise) institution. So i hope that answers your later inputs.

@loribmt you're pretty close. Phew, always thought I needed to change so badly because most people make me feel like "no one is born an introvert. You just giving excuses" and yes, I did try to change but it exhausted me. It didn't even feel right to me.
I have no sense of purpose. That's an understatement but true. I know people learning skills (legal and illegal) and earning money to cater for themselves. It drives me nuts cause I don't have that. And what kills me is that I've never been "pay-worthy" of something or a skill. And all my interests now are those that help me escape reality and those ones bring no money or value.
I school. I'm in a tertiary(university to be precise) institution. So i hope that answers your later inputs.

Oh, you are not alone in being an introvert. I’m an introvert and so is my daughter! It’s a personality trait and we’re born with it. Just like people are born with super outgoing personalities. I’m not sure why, but as introverts we’re often seen as ‘less than’ if we’re not part of the popular crowd and outgoing. That takes a toll on our morale and we feel pretty insignificant.

Extraversion-Introversion simply means how you get your energy. Extraverts get their energy from the outside world (people and events), while Introvert get their energy from the internal world (solitude). An Extravert is often seen as outgoing or a “people person,” while Introverts tend to be more reflective and reserved. It doesn’t mean we’re all or nothing. I’m a people person but I am very much a loner.

It also doesn’t mean we can’t rise above what we feel are our limitations. We can overcome our insecurities with some effort. I’m very socially awkward and yet I had a successful career in the dental field where I had to interact with at least 25+ patients a day. As long as I could stick to basic small talk I was fine because the job was so fast paced. But put me in a room with strangers in a social setting…I’m filled with anxiety and need to decompress afterwards! The only things I have going for me are that I’m annoyingly perky and truly love helping people.

You really sound so normal to me except that your low self esteem needs some heavy lifting. I know you have the ability to make some changes and you’re willing or you wouldn’t have gone looking online for help and found Connect.

Change IS exhausting. Anytime we try to do something that defies our nature, it’s a challenge. Sometimes baby steps are all we need to get moving. Not leaps and bounds! That’s scary as heck! But in your heart you know at some point you’re going to have to take a risk and put yourself out ‘there’…find something that does bring in $$ to be independent and that’s frightening!

If it helps, we’re not born pay-worthy. So try not to feel that you’re never going to be that person. My daughter felt the same way. In high school her friends had jobs. She was too insecure about herself to even try. Then one day we were at the little local diner and the owner offered her a job as a waitress. She didn’t want to but was intrigued. She finally caved and took the job. Turned out to be a really good ego booster! Now she’s 38, still introverted but the director of operations at the business where she works and brave enough to be heavily involved in roller derby! She’s fierce! You’d never know it by looking at her.

You’re in a university! That’s really great news that you’re still connected to the academic world. Do you have an advisor? That’s their job to help guide students. What’s your major? Are there any mentorships you could sign up for…just to test the waters?

@loribmt. Lori, your set of introvert "symptoms" are exactly the same as
mine. I can teach confidently a class of 25 adult students, but put me in a social setting and I just want to run and hide. I can be flamboyantly annoying in familiar surroundings and yet a quiet wallflower in social settings, as well as feeling somewhat of a nervous wreck for some time afterward. I'm always so relieved once the gathering is over and i'm safely home and alone again!
Since I now live at an Assisted Living seniors residence and eventually broke through all of that to feel welcome and loved around here, the big fear now looming in my near future is having to transfer to a Long Term Care facility in a different city and having to face many new people and circumstances. I'm trying to look upon it as a new adventure, but many times each day that old familiar fear grabs at my heart and I find myself dreading this new upcoming experience. My mantra - Under all this manure, there must be a pony somewhere. I'm sure there'll be a pony over there in my new residence!

Laurie, I knew we were kindred spirits!! I’m exactly the same way!!!

@loribmt. Hahaha! You didn't need to tell me, Lori! I knew it all along!! 🤣

@loribmt you're pretty close. Phew, always thought I needed to change so badly because most people make me feel like "no one is born an introvert. You just giving excuses" and yes, I did try to change but it exhausted me. It didn't even feel right to me.
I have no sense of purpose. That's an understatement but true. I know people learning skills (legal and illegal) and earning money to cater for themselves. It drives me nuts cause I don't have that. And what kills me is that I've never been "pay-worthy" of something or a skill. And all my interests now are those that help me escape reality and those ones bring no money or value.
I school. I'm in a tertiary(university to be precise) institution. So i hope that answers your later inputs.

@loribmt you're pretty close. Phew, always thought I needed to change so badly because most people make me feel like "no one is born an introvert. You just giving excuses" and yes, I did try to change but it exhausted me. It didn't even feel right to me.
I have no sense of purpose. That's an understatement but true. I know people learning skills (legal and illegal) and earning money to cater for themselves. It drives me nuts cause I don't have that. And what kills me is that I've never been "pay-worthy" of something or a skill. And all my interests now are those that help me escape reality and those ones bring no money or value.
I school. I'm in a tertiary(university to be precise) institution. So i hope that answers your later inputs.