Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)

It most definitely is an issue and one that needs to be discussed. There are alternatives to intercourse that should be amenable to both parties.

Not a matter of "might become frustrated". They absolutely will be frustrated. The reasons and resolutions need to be considered. Sexual incompatible individuals should seek counseling or consider the options. It angers me to see people living in sexless marriages craving affection.

Again, intercourse is not the only route to sexual satisfaction. I am sure that you know that.

This topic really needs to be revived. There must be 1,000s of us boomers and others living, in the situation. Thank you for sharing.

I’m in an observational clinical trial on mmj at Thomas Jefferson Univ Hospital and my pain Mgnt doc is looking into a specific study that addresses some of the more diseases and disease processes that are covered by Pa Medical Marijuana Program.

It is definitely an issue in our marriage. My husband had stents two years ago and is on blood thinner, cholesterol medicine and blood pressure medicine. He has erectile dysfunction now and and I am sure it is some of the medication. He will not discuss it with his doctor. He says it is his age—76– and it could well be. He has stage 3 kidney disease also, but he does not take medication for this. He refuses to see a urologist, but goes to a nephrologist. He says he loves me, but he just does not have sexual feelings any longer. He avoids any contact with me saying that he does not want to start something he can’t finish. I am really feeling lonely and rejected. He goes to bed early every night and reads. His cardiologist let him try viagra, but it dropped his blood pressure lows on now we are afraid of that. I just truly thinking is some of the medication because this loss of all interest in sex happened suddenly. Does anyone else have these problems? I feel ridiculous writing about it. We have a great relationship otherwise—going out to eat, to church, shopping. I just miss the closeness we have always had.

@anet Hi and this may be a bit uncomfortable since I'm a man and your issue is not only a woman's issue. I cant help with the medication issue and would leave that to his doctors but I can relate to a sexless marriage. I love my wife very much and similar to your issues(except yours is from you Husband) she feels uncomfortable during intercourse basically it hurts. Now I do feel left out as it seems when our intimacies stopped so did any touching even hand holding or kissing has disappeared. She like you husband seems uninterested in finding a solution. I personally think when I started having Health issues ( I have had a Heart Transplant) is when the other things declined. I see you mentioned Church and I am very dedicated to the Lord and ministry in general so I suspect for me that's a factor also. She does not attend church and so except for walking, shopping and dining out we don't have much else to share. So i hope at least this helps to know your not alone and Ill say your story helps me also.
I just myself try not to dwell on what we don't have and concentrate on what we do. I try to think that I did promise to Love in sickness and health and remember my vows. What if one of us had a serious accident and no longer had any body functions would that be a deal breaker? So I'm not much help, but for me knowing that the Lord knows my Prayers and as He told Paul about his thorn in the flesh "My Grace is sufficient" and remember someday we all will be in Heaven and enjoying a perfect Life that actually doesn't include physical sex but that the Joy we have is greater than what the this world has to offer by many times over .
I hope that at least gives some comfort and keep praying as the saying goes "But God" he can maybe change his outlook going forward in you Husbands drive.
Blessings
Dana

Anet and Dana, I think the loss of intimacy you're experiencing from your partners is not uncommon. Have either of you sought the help of a counsellor as a sexual health clinic or social worker? Sometimes it can help to talk with a professional even without your partner.

Dana, I can also understand where your wife is coming from because at one time I had the same problem with uncomfortable sex. The difference being that I found a solution. I went to two doctors, but both only gave me estrogen creams, etc. which did very little to help. One day I just happened to come across an article in a magazine about exactly what was going on with me. It suggested using a set of vaginal dilators which started off small and gradually increased in size. I showed the article to my doctor, I am wondering why doctors don’t recommend it. I ordered them and I have to say at first it was painful, but it worked and before long things were really good until he had the heart problems and got on all the medications. Your wife may not be interested but others may be. I may check in the women’s health section and see if anyone is. Meanwhile I am just focusing on my other interests and keeping us safe. Hope you are too.

@anet Yes We did discuss all those options and I'm pretty ok with other forms of intimacies and actually enjoy some aspects outside intercourse. Now She also finds that form of release to intense and preferred only traditional methods.
So depending on your own tastes oral forms of enjoyment can be i think better for both partners.
I will also add that I was concerned at first when my Heart was giving me issues often with Arrhythmias I got worried that the act of arousal would cause a shock from my pacemaker. I believe even tho I don't have that anymore that the fear in her mind is also a factor. She saw me deal with shocks many times and I can understand its a scary thing to watch
Is it possible that the arousal period gets you Husband concerned that it will be a medical episode? This may cause an ED issue I have heard.
Good Luck and its been about 6 years now and I've kind of got used to the Idea of just enjoying the companionship. I now look to the Lord for what he has planned for my life going forward.

Thanks @colleenyoung I thing its also an age issue too. She is in her 70's and even tho I don't feel this way she feels Her youth has left her and older people just don't do that anymore. I've always wondered and I've heard it many times that quite a few women I think particularly in the older generation see Love Making as something for the young only.
Blessings
Dana