1. < Depression & Anxiety

How to have relationships while living with depression?

Posted by marjou @marjou, Jun 21, 2020

Need some help in coping or pointers in how to best handle relationships whether family,dating, friends. Because my depression is the constant factor every day, I isolate in a way as to not subject others to my depressive state which I have to live with but they do not. Feel it's not fair to them or they just avoid me. When to tell or not to tell someone especially if trying to date?

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jul 10, 2020
In reply to @stsopoci "I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me...." + (show)
@stsopoci

I go through a constant eruption with my wife when I think she is criticizing me. I grew up with a narcissistic Dad who was always right . Never apologized or said he was sorry. When I am criticized about something I usually am calm and sensitive with my wife. Sometime I blow a gasket and need to walk away before I do something I regret. I do have propranolol to bring my 200+ blood pressure down when this happens but I am not reacting to my wife. I’m reacting to my Dad who died in 1979.

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@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to recognize a trigger for us, who has tried to explain it to the other person/s and tried to reach a mutually beneficial conclusion? What was the outcome? For me, my spouse simply says, "deal with it", which serves no good except to slide me further away.
Ginger

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2 replies
rexie | @rexie | Jul 10, 2020
In reply to @gingerw "@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to..." + (show)
@gingerw

@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to recognize a trigger for us, who has tried to explain it to the other person/s and tried to reach a mutually beneficial conclusion? What was the outcome? For me, my spouse simply says, "deal with it", which serves no good except to slide me further away.
Ginger

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While I was in business, I was so careful to never show any signs of my depression. Customers did not want to know. But, unfortunately, I would occasionally take it out on my family. Because I felt angry about my “ problem “ and I knew that they would tolerate me because they loved me. Trust me when I say this, no one ever wants to lose a loved one, of course, but when they do die, and you have had occasions where you were verbally abusive to them, you will never forgive yourself.

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suzquez | @suzquez | Jul 23, 2020

Get medicine to cope first. Be sure to tell them if close to marriage. My husband said okay, but didn't realize the ride we would have for good and bad. We've survived 37 years.

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marjou | @marjou | Jul 23, 2020
In reply to @gingerw "@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to..." + (show)
@gingerw

@stsopoci I think many of us find ourselves in that position! While it is great to recognize a trigger for us, who has tried to explain it to the other person/s and tried to reach a mutually beneficial conclusion? What was the outcome? For me, my spouse simply says, "deal with it", which serves no good except to slide me further away.
Ginger

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Boy I do not like the words "just snap out of it" because it makes me realize the person saying them has no clue or understanding of what I'm going through. So then I retreat within myself.

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1 reply
gramvick | @gramvick | Jul 23, 2020
In reply to @marjou "Boy I do not like the words "just snap out of it" because it makes me..." + (show)
@marjou

Boy I do not like the words "just snap out of it" because it makes me realize the person saying them has no clue or understanding of what I'm going through. So then I retreat within myself.

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I am so sorry this has happened to youj.lm!! I lost my son 20 years ago.to depression/suicide. I lost many friends because I didnt get over it.

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2 replies
ellen307 | @ellen307 | Jul 25, 2020

My granddaughter is having this issue so what can be done, not good to go out n about csnnit trust any one

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mariajean03 | @mariajean03 | Jul 25, 2020

I find the more people I tell the more they back away. There's a terrible stigma!

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marjou | @marjou | Jul 25, 2020
In reply to @mariajean03 "I find the more people I tell the more they back away. There's a terrible stigma!" + (show)
@mariajean03

I find the more people I tell the more they back away. There's a terrible stigma!

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Agree!

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modz | @modz | Jul 25, 2020
In reply to @marjou "Agree!" + (show)
@marjou

Agree!

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I find that to, but sometimes I wonder if I explained things a bit instead of just isolating, my depression wouldn't be the "elephant in the living room" that it is. You know, everybody can see it's there but no one is saying anything. I wonder if I say something like "You know how I struggle with depression. I want you to know that you don't have to do anything or come up with answers. Just your company, talking, and spending time together really helps." Not sure how this would go over with friends and family, but I think acknowledging what's going on might make me feel better.

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2 replies
marjou | @marjou | Jul 25, 2020
In reply to @ellen307 "My granddaughter is having this issue so what can be done, not good to go out..." + (show)
@ellen307

My granddaughter is having this issue so what can be done, not good to go out n about csnnit trust any one

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@ellen307 At times I have found group therapy helpful, but not sure how this can be accomplished during COVID.

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