Caring for someone w/ obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)

I hate being so blunt and harsh with my experiences as I really want to be on the helpful team here. I care so much and have experienced so much and actually studied research in order to help my sister's family as well as my own. The Hippa Law allows patients to refuse care, to refuse medicines and to literally drive their families nuts with limited cooperation or no cooperation and going to court is not a suitable approach for helping troubled families.
We do not realize how much our loved ones are suffering inside and are not ready to face their torments and get better, especially those who have been raised by old school thinkers who believe that any illness is a sign of moral weakness and must be overcome with a swig of strong alcohol. This was my situation, and alcohol was involved in my sister's family members with OCD. Some of them were really bad, with oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis, and had committees supervise their public school attendance. One burned down the bedroom. Genetic OCD can be a huge family destroyer. Dorisena

@dorisena Your experiences may have helped someone else feel like they are not alone in the difficulty of living with family and family members dealing with mental issues. You're right. We cannot push someone into help/treatment, it has to be their decision. And our decision what we do in the face of non-treatment.
Ginger

What will always be a puzzle to me is how a supposedly hard working, industrious, church going young man that I married can suddenly turn into a stranger who lives in another world at times, and believes unreal stories that I can prove are bogus. He was the greatest believer in success and was a terrific, natural salesman. But success made him insecure, and then he became a bragger, a user, and a fake to make up for his shortcomings, and didn't want to learn the economics to successful management of our businesses. And then the lies, lies, lies. In the psychology world this is called a personality disorder, not a mental illness. I recognized the OCD early on, but he believed he had no problems at all. I will never understand his reality. Dorisena

On a positive note, I have known people who thrive on the proper medication to control their OCD, so long as they yield to their spouse or partner who guides them when they overdo a compulsive episode. That is the true meaning of getting help. A person goes to the doctor to get treatment for a broken leg. It is wise for a person to go to the doctor for a misaligned thinking disorder. Both illnesses need assistance and support to overcome the problems and no one should think they are able or are required to go it alone. We need to teach this concept at a very young age. The ingrained thinking of an older person seldom changes, because he or she relies on what has worked in the past or what is the custom of the time. Dorisena

Thanks for all the insight. It helps to know I am not alone as a caregiver

Does anyone have any experience with OCPD? Hoe do you deal with someone who has it so that almost every interaction doesn’t turn into an argument? Any help you can give me would be appreciated.

Hi @jh31251, you'll notice that I moved your message to this existing discussion about dealing with someone who has obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). I did this so that you can connect with other members like @rpg @gingerw @dorisena @sears @Erinmfs and others.

You can also read more in this discussion:
Elderly father with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/elderly-father-with-obsessive-compulsive-personality-disorder-ocpd/

Jon, may I ask, is this someone you see and interact with daily or regularly?

Yes, I just did a nice thing for this person and got ripped for it. Always seems to turn everything back on me and of course is never wrong about anything.

Well, if a person with OCPD doesn't want to get better, or is in denial, you have two choices: live with him and avoid him, or leave, depending on your financial position. My sister's husband has a family history, along with his children and grandchildren, some who are medicated, and others who do not attempt to get better. My late husband was undiagnosed, but his OCD was evident and he died at a young age 71. He lived in denial for fifty years of marriage. There were other serious problems as well. My brother-in-law went to the University hospital doctor and then gave up and literally drove his wife insane with his disorder. His daughters are alcoholics and very compulsive. At this point you can only be kind and don't blow up at his rages, and you can just leave the room, as I did.
Yes, I had a bag packed as well, but I always came home at night because I knew he "owned me." God has blessed me with a very peaceful life and I don't allow any person to use controlling behavior with me. I have dumped friends, ignored relatives, and left churches because I want to be free of the conditions of OCD. It often declines into dementia and you can look forward to continued misery. I have known two success stories, with medication and behavior therapy which needs to continue for years. Love will not win the war over this disease if it continues into adulthood from childhood without medication.
It probably was a decision of the Mayo Clinic that they could not help him at this point. However, I have read literature from Mayo that they believe Narcissism can be cured or controlled with therapy, and after many years of study and being in a support group, I decline to agree. We are talking co-morbidity here. Dorisena

I am new to this site and was pleased to see a group that discusses OCPD. I am married to a man for 60 years who was only diagnosed with OCPD about 5 years ago. He is on an anti depressant and an anti anxiety med. He has also recently been diagnosed with MID. It has not been a happy life, due to his VERY difficult personality. He is very controlling and verbally abusive. I stayed with him (for the kids)... and then when I had a chance in 1985, I was too insecure about my own financial future and he had told me once that if I left him, he would kill me!!! My working life gave me some measure of freedom from him, but now being retired for 15 years, I am under his control every day. I do get out with friends, but usually am harassed about leaving him alone... Having gained self confidence from a therapist, I now do more for myself than ever, but it is a very difficult day to day life. Since his diagnosis of MID, he is even more controlling. His memory is declining quickly, but he continues to fight that he is right.... He's not.. He is a Narcissist, which is possibly a bi-product of OCPD. All three of our children suffered because of his behavior and 2 of the 3 live 2000 miles away.. I pray that I get to have a few years free of him before I die..