I am quite open about my 14 years of widowhood and the fact that I inherited my husband's share of the estate, including property that he owned without my name on it. He wanted to give it to the children at his death, which was not legal, and would have left me with no real income. Also no savings, no retirement, and he refused to purchase health insurance on himself aside from Medicare. I can say that most of the problems in the end were caused by his declining mental health which most people did not notice. So they did not believe my side of any story, and do not to this day. It sounds like you are doing the right thing for yourself now, and I recommend studying research on Narcissism which explains why the behavior does not improve with therapy. You are correct to fear being killed because you are property, not a beloved wife. Narcissism can come from trauma early in life that is never resolved. Looking for a cause can relieve some of the stress and guilt you many suffer from becoming trapped in your marriage. I was lucky that my late husband didn't mind my independence, in fact he was then free to not spend much of his life with me. That worked best in the end, but I did go to the nursing home almost daily before he died alone, drugged, and unconscious. He wouldn't speak to me at all and never reconciled. My healing continues, and I am mentally healthy enough to reach out to others to support the realities of the disease. Dorisena