Recognizing my own bias or prejudice .....

@ayeshasharma
Hi,

Empathy is the key word in your post. Let me say that I am flabbergasted that, in today’s world, someone would ask you why you are gay. I can’t imagine how you respond to that or if you feel it is necessary to do so, or how often that occurs.
I still get amazed when someone in my age bracket (78) says to me , in a low voice...he (she) is gay or he(she) is biracial.....like no one should overhear what they just said. I just sat say yeah...and....? Then they get embarrassed.

But people are clueless. Not that this was prejudice, but once, about 10 years ago, when flying alone...I told one of the airline personnel that I was extremely hard of hearing and won’t hear if my row is called to board. They did this in groups. She asked me if I needed a wheelchair. Really...I just smiled..didn’t have to heart for one of my usual retorts.

And yes, the world is not made to accommodate overweight or obese individuals. I often wonder how they feel in certain situations.

Regards from FL Mary

@ayeshasharma Really? "Why are you gay?" That's like asking me why do I have (had mostly) freckles and red hair! Even the Catholic Church says that God made people that way, it is not a choice. I am amazed that in this day and age people still think it is a choice.
It breaks my heart that one of my daughter's friends who is a Lesbian has been disowned by her parents. When she got married they would not go to the wedding. I will never understand that.
JK

@ayeshasharma What a breath of fresh air you bring to this conversation. I too want to have a button that is a bigger heart to press! Thank you for reminding us all that it is ALWAYS better to take the path that is inclusive... not exclusive.

@ellerbracke you're so right. The first thing we see is not the content of a book but its cover. And there's no way we're going to be able to re-train the course of our mental dialogue without being aware of it, which you've done in this post. So many people won't give their negative judgments a second thought. They might feel more entitled to it if anything, but to ask, "how can I change it?" and actually work on catching yourself when you're thinking negatively–that's the moneymaker (haha).

I've been living in South Africa for the past year or so. The other day, I found myself thinking about how the flooring repairs in my apartment have been taking forever (still not done after a pipe burst 6 months back). I thought, "this situation might've been dealt with a while back if I were renting an apartment in the US." I was raising up the efficiency/reliability of one country while putting down that same quality in the country I'm living in now. I love so many aspects of being in South Africa, but I've found myself making these comparisons repeatedly and about a variety of different things (like how in the United States we have Vlasic sour pickles but you can't find them here).

But in that moment in thinking about the floors, I stopped myself, and thought, "seriously, what is the point in making these comparisons? It's not bringing me to do anything productive and it's also not bringing me to gain a deeper understanding of the situation I'm in now." And I wasn't criticizing myself but just critiquing that mental pattern that had become a habit for me.

I think a lot of us have these negative mental cycles that are instilled in us, but they certainly don't need to define us. Thank you so much for bringing this topic to light so we can discuss more productive ways of thinking together.

PS: I made homemade Vlasic style pickles the other way and they were amazing!!

@imallears @contentandwell @debbraw you all make this community so unique in showing openness and acceptance <3

@ayeshasharma
Hello,

Not everyone has your introspective awareness. I suspect it has a lot to do with being subject to bias and prejudice yourself. I see more tolerance and acceptance from my gay friends, my friends who are in biracial marriages and my disabled friends.

I would like to say that maturity and education brings tolerance but that’s not always the case. It’s also hard to break away from the rigid mindset of your parents. This is where education is crucial. I see more tolerance and acceptance in my children and grandchildren than in my parents family. Let’s hope we can keep passing this down to future generations.

So great to hear from someone who seems so young yet so wise. Namaste😀

Regards from FL Mary

@imallears I am just now seeing this. I think perhaps it is related to that. I also think I had a certain astonishment toward injustice from a young age, which has only grown over time.

It's interesting what you're saying about education. And I think you're so right about breaking away from cultural perspectives. Learning sometimes comes more from experience than formal lectures/training/etc, and I think positive role models are such a huge part of that. I'm curious–what do you think is up with the generational differences we're seeing today? On the note of gender violence, I've connected with a lot of older (than me) women about how they have had to endure rough circumstances but it just isn't/wasn't culturally acceptable or financially possible for them to demand better for themselves or otherwise not be subject to it.

It's great to hear from people who care to engage on topics like this. It makes me so happy 😀

@ellerbracke @imallears @debbraw @contentandwell I came across this video the other day and I thought you all might find the different perspectives interesting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsDLOuXSy7k

@ayeshasharma Your posts are very thought provoking.

When I was a younger, working person in a professional job I very definitely saw a lot of gender bias. When I think of it now I’m appalled and so glad that my daughter doesn’t have to go through as much as I did, but I don’t think it’s entirely gone. You would not believe some of what I went through. I was in IT, which back then was male-dominated.

As a person who has gone from being extremely overweight to now not being overweight (still do have a BMI slightly in the overweight range) I also know the prejudice against fat people. I really wish I had the will-power to lose weight when I was younger but I didn’t. Pregnancy and being a stay-at-home mom was not good for my weight.
I was gradually losing weight, mostly because I knew it was bad for my heart and both of my non-overweight parents died from heart problems in their 60s. When I was diagnosed with cirrhosis from fatty liver I was really hit with a bomb! I then put much more attention into working out and losing weight. So now, when I see young people who are grossly overweight I want to shake them! Not because of how they look, people can still be very pretty when they are overweight, plus a person’s value should not be based on their looks. In fact I think my face looked better at a higher weight, but because I am all too aware of the health risks I knew I needed to lose. .
Yes, many overweight people choose to be that way but I wonder if they were more aware of the health risks they might lose weight. I knew it was bad for my heart but I had no idea about the other risks. I think doctors should make their overweight patients aware of ALL of the risks but I think they don’t because they are afraid they will lose that person as a patient.
JK

@contentandwell your perspective really illuminates some of the realities of this–that it's important to find a balance between showing acceptance and also caring enough to educate the overall population about health risks so we don't end up with a non-critical point of view