Stress/Anxiety/Insomnia/Memory Issues

@mandrake70 I started taking Mirtazapine a while back as an add on to my antidepressant (Wellbutrin). I didn't know that it's a sleep aid, but I was feeling gradually more depressed, so the psychiatrist prescribed it, and it helped me get back to the plateau where I've been for several years. I guess this plateau is now my new "I'm fine" place, if you get what I mean. Maybe it will help you stave off depression.

Jim

@mandrake70 I believe that the counselor will probably ask you to think or talk about the times your wife was right, even though she might not have been sensitive to how she proved the point. He/she will probably be working with both of you to rethink how to handle disagreements. Those things are hard for most of us, I'm sure, me included.

I don't know if you ever read the Bible, but if you do, I would recommend 1 Corinthians 13. There's a fairly new version of the Bible called The Message that puts the Bible in plain, current words. I can probably send it to you in a private message if you like.

Have a good night with pleasant dreams.

Jim

I've been 90% of where you are with family divorce, mentally ill wife, alone, no sleep, too much work. Those are probably more damage to day to day memory recall. For me epilepsy started at 22ish, off/on without drugs until 30 all the time. I'm 64 and just now starting to relax a bit about recall, how my hair looks in the grocery store, see Sundance's response for some of aging and understanding of it. You said "stop trying". That can be applied to a few of what you are naming. It took several months and years to get over the issues going on with my pre-teenage kids when I had them for every other weekend and Wednesdays. Police, courts and attorneys started in around 13-14 years to 25 years. I could go on but the ex-wife relationship since divorce 25 years ago has been no more than 2 paragraphs on any subject, and it took me a few years to realize just how much for the best.

You are maxed out. When I was, and I'm a caretaker like you, maxed I had to pick which things I was going to deal with and which would NOT BE under any circumstances. I was out of time in a day and when you are, they all start failing, and less sleep to go with. Tired epileptics have all kinds of memory failures. You may not feel welcomed to the gang, or want to be, but it's the same as old men with hair in their ears, it will happen. Now I pay someone $14 once every 3 weeks to pull it out with a wax/gell/plastic. It's a cheap fix to how I feel in the grocery store about my ears but pick your interior battles and items that will help you fix your current things. So when picking which you will NOT BE dealing with, do one at a time, the easiest ones because you can watch with some success, giving a positive attitude to continue with others. But, you'll never get them all and don't try to. Do not sell this to yourself as a ticket to being lazy, because if some items fail you will define yourself as a failure. Sleep and water and the time it takes to do them is mandatory like pants and shoes.

Very cool that your daughter is in there with you. Young people can grow short on help and understanding since their lives are starting, so if it slacks later some of it is because of age not love or caring about you.

On recall, I had my best neurologist explain that the difference, in my case anyway, in recall from a normal person(?) is that they both save "new incoming info" with the same ability. In our case picture a globe with 100 windows on it, windows with access to memory. On ours, some windows open intermittently, which s important because the window is the problem, not your inability to get the window open or remember. I find 30-40% of the time some of those windows do open (sometimes just a few minutes/things at a time) unfortunately not always with someone around to appreciate). Think of someones demand for your recall as the amount of time a car salesman has to spend on you, when you are in the dealership. He's in a hurry to get you to spend money, and will pressure you for a response, but knows how to keep you engaged with him to get what he wants, until he knows there is not going to be a sale. Same scene is your wife (or any other) wanting to keep you engaged long enough to get your memory on a topic, but, not very long. Once you can't she will go on to forget it or stay be frustrated. Frustration stays longer because you are not salesman and wife, and stay in the same house likely to forget again. I don't think of my wife as a saleswoman but I do avoid getting into or starting a conversation that will may require my memory. Sometimes in a conversation the memory kicks in before the demand because pieces of the conversation allow building Legos to get to a memory, before conversation is over. In any case, I excuse their inability in my mind as, it's the best that they can do, they just don't know it, and may never, which is excusable even if they don't try, because memory for them is a given, no work, they haven't experienced the panic, and you wouldn't wish it on them, and again, they just don't know it.

Enough of my book. For memory, little 15-30 min naps are a big deal, anytime in the day, in the car if you have to for 5 min. Too much demand for memory damages recall, for more. Panic in any situation causes people to do things they normally wouldn't do. Ask any good police officer if that is true. It's part of their training for dealing with panicked people behavior. Don't get yourself into panic. It will take you and our gang longer to get out of it.

my heart goes out to you. keep being strong and trying to get better. it will happen.

@jimhd @1634517678 @njp1013 Thanks. I'm doing pretty good today. The depression is under control and the anxiety is almost gone. I ended up having to call the doctor since I was getting terrible headaches from the Mirtazapine. I slept OK without it last night but still had a headache this morning. The headache is gone now so maybe it just had to get out of my system. Still waiting for the doctor to call back today to see what he wants to do. I may be back to just melatonin for this weekend.
I went to my daughter's parent teacher conference last night and talked to the teachers. My daughter is doing very well. This morning when I was picking up my daughter for school, my wife asked me what happened at the conference last night. I was actually able to tell her. I remembered several of the conversations I had had with the teachers and was able to relate them to my wife. It really made my morning. Maybe it was the depression or the medication I was on that was causing the problems. Maybe the lack of sleep. I don't know at this point but I'm feeling pretty good about it.
The school had a presenter from NAMI come in to talk to us about mental illness. They had a presenter earlier in the day talk to the kids. It was a really good presentation and discussion about mental illness and how to help kids that are dealing with it. I really wish my wife had gone to it because a lot of things she says were talked about and debunked.

that is great to hear 🙂 it sounds like your wife is one of the lucky ones that doesnt have to understand what this is all about, and rather than having gratitude for that thinks its because she is somehow 'stronger'. well she is wrong. sounds like you are doing great and should be very proud of yourself. hopefully i am feeling better soon too.

@njp1013 I hope you feel better soon too!

@mandrake70 It's nice to see your uplifting post here! I hope that you have a great rest of the day, and that your weekend is what you want it to be. No matter whether it is better sleep, or meds, the fact that your recall is better is wonderful! Give yourself a pat on the back, please, since I cannot reach through the cyber-space except virtually ;))
Ginger

@mandrake70 Your post is really uplifting. It sounds as if you are getting more control over things and as if the medication definitely had an influence on your memory and state of mind. I am very happy for you. I'm glad too that your daughter is doing well, and that you felt good about talking with your wife! So much good in your post.
JK

Thank You