1. < Depression & Anxiety

How should I respond to criticism?

Posted by aliali @aliali, Aug 13, 2019

There are many ways to do so and they are available online. But what I wish to know is how should a depressed respond to destructive criticism internally? Yes here are three main things: depressed, destructive criticism & internally. I am depressed and facing many destructive criticism daily. If someone criticizes me, I can deal with him easliy. I can say for him that he is right and it is gone. But internally, the effect I carry when after days, how should I deal with it? Should I go thru the criticism to check whether it is true or not? If it is untrue I doubt it is true because the criticism has been made by someone else. If it is true, I become tense, stressed; add to that the cruel manner used to make the criticism, it made me feel worse about myself. Headaches, diziness, weak concentration, weak functioning, becoming drowsy... are all caused by the process of EXAMINING the criticism. So what to do?

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Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Aug 17, 2019
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @aliali and all others in this discussion group, Here is a video by Smart Recovery..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @aliali and all others in this discussion group,

Here is a video by Smart Recovery that might give you some good ideas to working with your thoughts,
https://www.smartrecovery.org/new-video-release-the-abcs-of-coping-with-urges/?
Will you share with me and let me know what about this video was helpful to you?

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@hopeful33250 Thank you for that link. I found the video very interesting. It is not saying anything I haven't heard before, over years, but it bears repeating, and has been presented in a slightly different format. It seems like the right thing comes along when we need it.
Ginger

REPLY
Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Aug 18, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@aliali Like you, I am a perfectionist. But over the years I have learned to soften..." + (show)
@gingerw

@aliali Like you, I am a perfectionist. But over the years I have learned to soften the edges somewhat, and not hold myself to such strict standards. It takes work. Often being a perfectionist may turn people away from you. If you are like me, I would correct people all the time, in their speech, grammar, tasks, etc. It drove people away from me. I am a much happier person and a happier person to be around, now that I worked on becoming softer.
As for the list - what do you hope to accomplish with this? Have you thought about how family member might react when you ask them about the list? What is the purpose of rehashing a negative [to you] event that occurred, as that might increase a family member's opinion of you being a source of problems? I hope you will consider these questions just posed. Will you do that?
Lastly, remember, sometimes when someone is criticizing you, it might be because they are reminded about something they do not like about themselves, and if they can make you feel poorly, it raises themselves up in their own eyes. I hope the wording was understandable.
Ginger

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Hello @aliali, I feel that what @gingerw has said about the list is true. Your family has been unduly critical of you and I'm not sure that giving them another opportunity to criticize you would be at all helpful.

Instead, why don't you tell them of one of their positive characteristics and then ask them to tell you one of the positive characteristics that they see in your life? In other words, write affirmations for each other! This may not change their attitude overnight but in time, if you keep telling them something good about themselves and then ask them to tell you something good about yourself, it might eventually turn their critical attitudes toward something more positive.

It might be worth a try to just see how it works.

REPLY
1 reply
smilie | @smilie | Aug 18, 2019
In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @aliali, I feel that what @gingerw has said about the list is true. Your family..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

Hello @aliali, I feel that what @gingerw has said about the list is true. Your family has been unduly critical of you and I'm not sure that giving them another opportunity to criticize you would be at all helpful.

Instead, why don't you tell them of one of their positive characteristics and then ask them to tell you one of the positive characteristics that they see in your life? In other words, write affirmations for each other! This may not change their attitude overnight but in time, if you keep telling them something good about themselves and then ask them to tell you something good about yourself, it might eventually turn their critical attitudes toward something more positive.

It might be worth a try to just see how it works.

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That sounds interesting.

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