Possible Depression & ADHD - Need Advice & Support.
Hey, call me Melody or Mel for short.
Guess I'll get straight to the point-- 13 year old female (turning 14 soon) who has undiagnosed ADHD and shows possible depression symptoms.
Parents both are diagnosed with ADHD, have shown ADHD symptoms before the age of 12, and still struggle with symptoms as of now. If I had to guess, I'd say I have the Combination Presentation (Inattention & Hyperactivity/Impulsive). I show symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity -- the former being unable to properly focus often, getting distracted easily (even when it's something I have to get done), and daydreaming far more than should be appropriate (waste hours of my life doing this, even when there's more important things to be done). Pace often (coupled with daydreaming), can't sit still, mind is always racing, and tend to blurt whatever's on my mind, along with a lot of extreme gestures while talking.
With that ADHD note, I am uncertain where my constant daydreaming is a symptom of my ADHD, perhaps a larger issue, or both. As I mentioned before, I waste hours of my life daydreaming, even if there's things I need to get done. I blast music in my earbuds and pace. I'm told I make facial expressions and sounds while daydreaming, which isn't something that people with ADHD seem to complain about - although it seems like something I would be more likely to struggle with, due to my ADHD. I've heard of the term "Maladaptive Daydreaming," but I don't daydream of worlds or make up entire storylines or plot. I don't make my own fictional characters in my head, nor do I imagine an idealized version of myself. I would say I daydream of fictional characters I've read or watched through media going through emotional conflicts -- it is not a storyline or a full plot; it is a section of a plot, the climax, with no other added details.
I would like to know what other people think of this issue, and if there's anything that can be done to improve it. I think I may have developed it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I'm unsure how to go about improving it. I have nothing against daydreaming in itself; it's a wonderful thing. But now it is interfering with my schoolwork and daily life, as I find myself procrastinating both relationships and work in order to daydream.
Finally, the main crux of what I want to talk about: My depression symptoms.
I'm not comfortable with self-diagnosing depression. It is a very real, serious condition that hurts people -- even people that I currently know and love -- and I would hate to invalidate the struggles of people who go through it if I don't actually suffer from it. It's why I am so hesitant in even professing the idea that I could have depression, perhaps a mild form of it, because I'm scared of invalidating other people's experiences.
The fact of it is that I've been showing depression symptoms for a while now, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I've gone through a lot as of late, so I would be valid in being stressed or sad about recent events. To tl;dr of it: Briefly moved to another country, withdrew from an online community of friends after an argument with one of the main friends in said community (didn't feel comfortable there anymore), learned about my ADHD when my parents told me that I most likely had it but never knew before that time, got into a relationship that inevitably failed once said guy got into another relationship and told me after the fact (he was polyamorous and we never had the conversation about it until then), and am currently in a very unstable living situation, as I am unsure of where my parents and I are going to travel next or where we'll be staying long-term.
With all that, it would be natural for me to be upset or stressed or sad. I'm aware of that. And yet, when I think about what's causing me distress, it's not those things -- It's me. I'm upset, not because of what I'm going through (although I am not fine with these events, they aren't the main struggle), but because of who I am as a person. I feel like a failure, useless, a burden, and that all I can do is take from other people, no matter how hard I try to do good. ... That last one probably stems from my falling out with the friend I mentioned earlier. They told me I was untrustworthy, unintentionally two-faced, and a person who takes from others in her pursuit to try to help everyone. I feel like their words have become a part of my mental dialogue, now.
I don't know. I think I've been oversleeping, eating more than usual, and I feel tired, all the time. But not a physical tiredness; a mental tiredness that doesn't go away, no matter what. It's a heavy nothing that follows me everywhere, and there's moments where I'll feel better -- distracting myself with friends or my daydreaming habit -- but the second those things stop, it washes over me all over again. I don't know what to do about it.
I feel worthless, like a waste of space. I'm guilty a lot, even for things I've got no reason to be. I've gotten passive suicidal ideation, different from active.
And I don't know, because I'm terrible at self-awareness. I don't know, because with all my distractions, it's possible that this has worsened over time, with the more I ignored it and the more I used my daydreaming as a coping mechanism to feel better, instead of actually addressing what was going on. And now... Now, I'm overdue on schoolwork, on the brink of tears because I feel so pathetic, and I just. Need advice, help, something.
My friends who I have talked to about this comment that it seems like a very mild form of depression, considering that I'm still able to function, but still showcase these depression symptoms. Heck, despite being told by two of my friends who suffer from depression themselves that it's okay for me to call it such or that they even think it's possible I have it and that that it doesn't invalidate their experiences at all, I'm scared.
I got a therapist appointment in June, I think, but my parents seem to be of the impression that's it's for an ADHD diagnosis only. It's only an hour long, and I don't think I'll have future, consistent ones besides that one, considering how shaky my living situation is right now. Should I talk to them about me showcasing depression symptoms, as well? I don't know if we'll have time to really go over it, or if I'll be able to find help right away, though.
I would say the depression symptoms began a year ago, got better with the relationship I had, and then fell right back into that hole of darkness again. And then I had a period where I felt better, and then crashed for no particular reason, and am now right back here again.
What should I do? What should I think? What do you guys think? I need some outside advice here.
I would really appreciate any input, so thanks in advance for anyone who bothers to reply to this mess, haaaa.
If more context or information is needed, just let me know.
(Also, I'm new here, so if this is posted in the wrong area, let me know, and I'll move it.)
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.
@greymelody Hi greymelody, boy can I relate! To the depression, I can only hope you are feeling better. I have had depression since 1992. If I can offer you one piece of advice - learn all you can. Knowledge is power! I continue to read about it and if there is something I don’t agree with, I just file it away as “bad” info and go on. Anyway, I hope you had a great birthday dinner. Sorry it took a few days to get back to you. ......Karen
@gingerw Sorry for taking so long to respond, been kind of busy with schoolwork lately, haha! And to answer your question, not particularly, no! I haven't ever really been one for 'big celebrations.' I just tend to prefer small get-togethers with close family members - which was basically what we did! My parents and I just went out to dinner and it was very nice!
@karen00 Thank you! I think that I've been feeling better as of late, so I just hope that things continue to get better. And yes, I certainly will! Knowledge truly is power, and I'm always doing my best to seek out more, haha. And no worries, it's totally okay! <3 I just appreciate that you responded at all.
@teresa, Volunteer Mentor, and @graymelody, Happy Weekend! I have had a very interesting week. I learned that I had a recurrence of
Shingles with a secondary infection. More meds, yada yada.
Bottom line, no kindergarten graduation for me.. I have been sad and disappointed My plan is to be able to go visit as soon as possible. Hurry up, contagious disease. Get it done!
I hope everyone has a safe holiday weekend. Expect little, be grateful for much
Namaste.
Mamacita
@greymelody Hi Mel, hope your last few days after turning 14 have been going well for you. Although it is just a number, it can be a big jump emotionally, right?
Ginger
@gingerw Haha, yeah! True. It all just feels a bit surreal - like, time is just flying by so quickly, you know? Still, I've been doing better as of recent, so I hope that trend continues! I've been spending a lot of time with friends lately, so I think that definitely could've helped.
@greymelody Good for you, Mel! Time with friends is critical for your well-being. Each day a new and great adventure. If I recall, your appointment is in a couple of weeks here in the US, right? That will be good for you to get some professional input on your situation, and someone else's suggestions to help you through this time. Your young [but mature!] mind and body are going through so many changes right now.
Ginger
First of all, I'd like to say that Melody's post was not written by a 13 year old. The mature language, organization of thoughts and clarity in her writing is not that of a child. Perhaps the mother is writing this and posing as her daughter in the hopes that people will be more inclined to offer suggestions.
A letter to Dr. Phil asking to be on his show may be an idea. Otherwise, how about the PNP Centre where Dr. Phil sends people with brain/behaviour issues to do a complete neurological work up? Good luck!
Hi @afrobin, I agree that Melody's writing is very clear and well organized, and demonstrates a maturity beyond her years. Kudos to her. Let us not make assumptions. Connect is a welcoming, inclusive and respectful community. See the Community Guidelines here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/page/about-connect/tab/community-guidelines/
Hi, @greymelody - just wanted to check in with you and see how things are going?