Possible Depression & ADHD - Need Advice & Support.

Posted by greymelody @greymelody, May 15, 2019

Hey, call me Melody or Mel for short.

Guess I'll get straight to the point-- 13 year old female (turning 14 soon) who has undiagnosed ADHD and shows possible depression symptoms.

Parents both are diagnosed with ADHD, have shown ADHD symptoms before the age of 12, and still struggle with symptoms as of now. If I had to guess, I'd say I have the Combination Presentation (Inattention & Hyperactivity/Impulsive). I show symptoms of both inattention and hyperactivity -- the former being unable to properly focus often, getting distracted easily (even when it's something I have to get done), and daydreaming far more than should be appropriate (waste hours of my life doing this, even when there's more important things to be done). Pace often (coupled with daydreaming), can't sit still, mind is always racing, and tend to blurt whatever's on my mind, along with a lot of extreme gestures while talking.

With that ADHD note, I am uncertain where my constant daydreaming is a symptom of my ADHD, perhaps a larger issue, or both. As I mentioned before, I waste hours of my life daydreaming, even if there's things I need to get done. I blast music in my earbuds and pace. I'm told I make facial expressions and sounds while daydreaming, which isn't something that people with ADHD seem to complain about - although it seems like something I would be more likely to struggle with, due to my ADHD. I've heard of the term "Maladaptive Daydreaming," but I don't daydream of worlds or make up entire storylines or plot. I don't make my own fictional characters in my head, nor do I imagine an idealized version of myself. I would say I daydream of fictional characters I've read or watched through media going through emotional conflicts -- it is not a storyline or a full plot; it is a section of a plot, the climax, with no other added details.

I would like to know what other people think of this issue, and if there's anything that can be done to improve it. I think I may have developed it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I'm unsure how to go about improving it. I have nothing against daydreaming in itself; it's a wonderful thing. But now it is interfering with my schoolwork and daily life, as I find myself procrastinating both relationships and work in order to daydream.

Finally, the main crux of what I want to talk about: My depression symptoms.

I'm not comfortable with self-diagnosing depression. It is a very real, serious condition that hurts people -- even people that I currently know and love -- and I would hate to invalidate the struggles of people who go through it if I don't actually suffer from it. It's why I am so hesitant in even professing the idea that I could have depression, perhaps a mild form of it, because I'm scared of invalidating other people's experiences.

The fact of it is that I've been showing depression symptoms for a while now, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I've gone through a lot as of late, so I would be valid in being stressed or sad about recent events. To tl;dr of it: Briefly moved to another country, withdrew from an online community of friends after an argument with one of the main friends in said community (didn't feel comfortable there anymore), learned about my ADHD when my parents told me that I most likely had it but never knew before that time, got into a relationship that inevitably failed once said guy got into another relationship and told me after the fact (he was polyamorous and we never had the conversation about it until then), and am currently in a very unstable living situation, as I am unsure of where my parents and I are going to travel next or where we'll be staying long-term.

With all that, it would be natural for me to be upset or stressed or sad. I'm aware of that. And yet, when I think about what's causing me distress, it's not those things -- It's me. I'm upset, not because of what I'm going through (although I am not fine with these events, they aren't the main struggle), but because of who I am as a person. I feel like a failure, useless, a burden, and that all I can do is take from other people, no matter how hard I try to do good. ... That last one probably stems from my falling out with the friend I mentioned earlier. They told me I was untrustworthy, unintentionally two-faced, and a person who takes from others in her pursuit to try to help everyone. I feel like their words have become a part of my mental dialogue, now.

I don't know. I think I've been oversleeping, eating more than usual, and I feel tired, all the time. But not a physical tiredness; a mental tiredness that doesn't go away, no matter what. It's a heavy nothing that follows me everywhere, and there's moments where I'll feel better -- distracting myself with friends or my daydreaming habit -- but the second those things stop, it washes over me all over again. I don't know what to do about it.

I feel worthless, like a waste of space. I'm guilty a lot, even for things I've got no reason to be. I've gotten passive suicidal ideation, different from active.

And I don't know, because I'm terrible at self-awareness. I don't know, because with all my distractions, it's possible that this has worsened over time, with the more I ignored it and the more I used my daydreaming as a coping mechanism to feel better, instead of actually addressing what was going on. And now... Now, I'm overdue on schoolwork, on the brink of tears because I feel so pathetic, and I just. Need advice, help, something.

My friends who I have talked to about this comment that it seems like a very mild form of depression, considering that I'm still able to function, but still showcase these depression symptoms. Heck, despite being told by two of my friends who suffer from depression themselves that it's okay for me to call it such or that they even think it's possible I have it and that that it doesn't invalidate their experiences at all, I'm scared.

I got a therapist appointment in June, I think, but my parents seem to be of the impression that's it's for an ADHD diagnosis only. It's only an hour long, and I don't think I'll have future, consistent ones besides that one, considering how shaky my living situation is right now. Should I talk to them about me showcasing depression symptoms, as well? I don't know if we'll have time to really go over it, or if I'll be able to find help right away, though.

I would say the depression symptoms began a year ago, got better with the relationship I had, and then fell right back into that hole of darkness again. And then I had a period where I felt better, and then crashed for no particular reason, and am now right back here again.

What should I do? What should I think? What do you guys think? I need some outside advice here.
I would really appreciate any input, so thanks in advance for anyone who bothers to reply to this mess, haaaa.
If more context or information is needed, just let me know.

(Also, I'm new here, so if this is posted in the wrong area, let me know, and I'll move it.)

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | May 17, 2019

In reply to @greymelody "@gingerw Haha, yeah! I really appreciate you guys taking the time to respond and everything. And..." + (show)

@greymelody Melody, if you feel comfortable with the person you see in June, arrange to continue with her even if it has to be by phone or Skype. I did this with a therapist I had, and it really made a difference to keep the consistency. In this day of technology, keeping in touch is easier. There are many paths to our wellness, and you will find what works for you.

FYI that saying "together we are mighty" is from @mamacita and her wisdom. It's so true!
Ginger

greymelody | @greymelody | May 17, 2019

In reply to @gingerw "@greymelody Melody, if you feel comfortable with the person you see in June, arrange to continue..." + (show)

@gingerw Mhm! Yeah, definitely. I do want to first go through the appointment and see if we click, because some therapists work better with different clients. Also, this particular therapist has helped my mother before, and I've kind of just sat there with my mom during an appointment least once or twice, so I'm also unsure if she may have a bit of a bias, due to that. So, I'll see! If we do end up clicking, I'll talk to my parents about continuing appointments online, and seeing if the therapist is capable of doing it online instead of in-person.

Aaw, is it? It's a lovely saying, for sure! It really is true, 100%.

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 18, 2019

Hello @greymelody

I would also like to join the others in welcoming you to Mayo Connect. You are certainly very articulate! You express your feelings in words that are understandable and very clear. As I read your post about the insight you have regarding ADHD and perhaps depression I thought about an article I just read about the positive effect on music for both ADHD and depression. Since you are so insightful, I thought you might find it helpful as well. Here is the link to the article, https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd-music?

Will you let me know what you think about the ideas in the article?

Also, here is another article that was written about a mother and daughter who had ADHD,https://www.healthline.com/health/adhd/the-other-side-of-adhd?

greymelody | @greymelody | May 18, 2019

In reply to @hopeful33250 "Hello @greymelody I would also like to join the others in welcoming you to Mayo Connect...." + (show)

@hopeful33250 Haha, thank you for your kind words! I have actually heard about the positive effect of music for ADHD (although not for depression) -- I actually tend to listen to music in the background while I'm working: ASMR Ambience, classical music, and/or lofi beats, depending. It has definitely helped me! It's just a matter of controlling my impulse to click off to another video, since I use YouTube to listen to music, haha. I think that whether this type of music helps or not depends on each individual person, though! Some people with ADHD work better with silence, I believe.

That article that was written about a mother and a daughter who had ADHD-- It's honestly really sweet! Personally, I try not to view ADHD as an obstacle that needs to be overcome, but something that I need to work alongside; my brain is unique in its own way, and instead of fighting against that fact, I should work with those strengths/weaknesses to best maximize my potential, if that makes sense.

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | May 18, 2019

Hi Mel, @greymelody

I'm glad that you enjoyed the posts and that you reflected on their message. I really like your idea of working alongside ADHD. That is a great way to look at it! The word picture that is created by that thought is very helpful for a lot of problems. We all tend to work alongside our problems unless we try to fight them and fighting them takes more energy than working alongside them.

Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | May 18, 2019

In reply to @greymelody "@mamacita, thank you so much, I don't even really what to say-- I can't really say..." + (show)

@greymelody

@mamacita, thank you so much, I don't even really what to say-- I can't really say anything besides expressing my gratitude for your kind words. So, really, thank you.

As you're someone who is diagnosed with ADHD and depression, do you think I could contact you in the future for some coping strategies/tactics and information regarding those conditions? I've done a lot of research into it myself, but first-hand accounts are just as important, if not more-so, I would think.

Mhm, and yeah, I agree. When it come to mental health, I've come to form the opinion that all aspects of treatment are important: Forming healthy coping strategies (such as mindfulness, meditation, etc), medication (depending), and therapy (such as CBT, DBT, etc). Like, I would compare it to: They're all pieces of an overall puzzle; you can't just have one piece and not the others, if that makes sense.

That does remind me - Does anybody have any CBT exercises/sources online that I could take a look at? I don't really have access to a therapist right away that I can do that type of thing with, but it seems like something that could be helpful to what I'm struggling with. I also have a friend who I think would benefit from CBT, as well, so all the more reason to learn about it, heh.

Mhm, yeah, I do think doing all that would be a good idea. The main issue that since I'm currently unsure of what our long-term living situation is, I don't think I can get a steady therapist or consistent treatment plan just yet. We're currently in Dubai, and in June, we're going to the U.S. for the therapist appointment to get my ADHD diagnosis (and possibly medication for it, as well).

After that, we aren't really sure -- My dad may be getting a project in Saudi Arabia for a couple of years, so we may possibly move to Bahrain for a while, if that does happen (since my mom and I don't want to move to Saudi, and Bahrain is close enough that he could drive back and forth to see us, I think). Possibly being the keyword here, though, haha.

From the way my mom has talked about the therapist I'm going to see in June, she apparently works through a psychiatrist, of sorts which means that even though she's a therapist, she's allowed to prescribe medication through him. She works in the U.S. though, so if we end up moving to Bahrain or somewhere else, I wouldn't be able to continuously see her -- basically, I can't really get a steady treatment plan until we can figure out where our long-term plans for living are. So I guess I'm sort of searching for coping mechanisms/strategies to work with while I wait for the opportunity to get more concrete treatment?

Still, I want to thank you again for your kind words. I really do appreciate it. Love and light to you, too. ♥

Jump to this post

Hey, @graymelody, you can chat here with me. This is about the best forum for sharing information and getting support I have found.

An addendum for my previous statement earlier: There are lots of medications out there, obviously, for ADHD and other things.

The medical specialists like to start slowly and carefully, as they should. Sometimes they decide for no medication at all.

I'm with the no medication at all group, for young people. Growing, vibrant brains have enough to contend with . However, having said that, I do know that sometimes it is necessary.

Time magazine put out a specialty magazine on Mindfulness. That one little magazine is chock full of information about a very simple, easy, no cost approach to soothing our frazzled nerves.

I am not a medical doctor and of course cannot "prescribe" treatment. But I do agree with the principle that physicians go by every day of their lives. "First, do no harm."

The jury is still out on what is at the bottom of your situation. Research is wonderful and I thank the Lord for Google every day! When I was your age I lived in the library, because I was much like you. I had situations that made me feel uncomfortable , I felt like I only had myself to figure things out, and I was anxious about so many things.

I commend you for reading everything you can get your hands on to try to figure things out. Just remember that time will tell. And breathe! You are a very well informed young lady and that is so awesome! But remember too, that if you read all of this medical information , non stop, without taking a break for yourself, pretty soon you will have diagnosed yourself with Hungarian Jungle Rot Disease!

My point is merely this: Take time to just be a 13 year old. Breathe. Literally . Most people are shallow breathers and do not realize it.

Take time for yourself with self care. Whatever brings you joy, think about scheduling some time for that.

Start a journal, if you haven't already. What I really like is a gratitude journal. Medical professionals in the area of psychology are telling us that the attitude of gratitude changes our thought patterns.

Hydrate! I can't say this enough! Eat as healthy as you can, but don't beat yourself up if you have a Hershey bar with almonds every now and then. The best of us do!

Sleep. Try to get a good bit of it before the midnight hour. It's been proven that's when teens do their healing and growing more than any other time. No screens flashing, either.

Move!!! Not from where you are, obviously.....But put on an exercise video or a dance routine and move that body! A new rule we have here at our house is this: Never leave a room without something in your hand. This will help your parents out with the housework, tremendously! A place for everything and everything in its place.

Marie Kondo has changed my life. Literally. With every bag of clothing that I donate, a weight is lifted off my shoulders. Depression loves to hide out in dark corners of "stuff" we keep because we are attached emotionally to "things." Let it go.

Sorry this is so long. I'm sure that others on here have some more tips for you that I in my lack of coffee haze have not thought of. Ha!

There really are some great ideas I can share with you about depression. I am a survivor! And nothing makes me any happier than sharing how!

Hope to "talk" with you some more later! Have a great day! And welcome to the table....we are here for you!

Mamacita

greymelody | @greymelody | May 18, 2019

In reply to @mamacita "Hey, @graymelody, you can chat here with me. This is about the best forum for sharing..." + (show)

@mamacita