Holiday Feelings: Are They Merry or Stressful?

Thank you for posting this, Teresa. i was so stressed yesterday and today - trying to get last minute gifts bought, all gifts wrapped, some gifts mailed... I just felt overwhelmed. It helped me to make a list to really identify exactly what remained to be done. And then, tomorrow, on my list... I'm going to take some time for me. Maybe I will sit and look at the ocean, maybe I will walk... it's "me time" and I can do anything I want. I've penciled it in. LOL

@debbraw everything you,ve done you deserve a walk on the beach or sit and listen to the ocean

Great idea, @debbraw. We all need some breaks when holiday stress becomes too much.

There is nothing written in stone that we have to be cheerful and upbeat! That's what I have never understood, as someone on the autism spectrum, that I am expected to act a certain way. I am not a cheerful and upbeat person by my base nature, so why should I try to be somebody I'm not? I will socialize to the point that I am comfortable and not push- nor will I be pushed -into a situation that is outside of my comfort zone. This is new response for me in the last 10 years. Does it make me popular with a lot of people? No it does not, but I cannot live my life for others. I have to honor myself first. If that means stepping away from social engagement, I am fine with that. If others are not oh, well, that's their problem!
Ginger

@gingerw you sound like me . a lot of people don't like what I say or do but that's there problem not mine

For me, the holidays are less about gifts and decorations, and more about enjoying experiences like band concerts, a small local ballet production of the Nutcracker, and seeing my cousin ice skate in the holiday skating show where she teaches. If we look at holidays as a task and a list of things to do by a big deadline, that creates stress. If I look at it as a time to enjoy seeing friends and family, it is something fun to look forward to. Yesterday, I had to pick up some medical supplies for my mom, and I held the door open for a lady with a walker who was headed into the same store. She thanked me, and she thanked me again as I was leaving. I told her Merry Christmas. Something as simple as that can brighten your spirits to share kindness, not just at the holidays, but any day.

I do remember one year when I was young that I didn't want Christmas to come. It seemed like everyone else was happy, and I was alone with a broken heart. My dad had a connection with a commander at Great Lakes Naval Base, and he wanted to cheer me up, so we invited eight sailors to our house for Christmas dinner who could not go home to their families. Some didn't have close families. All of them were hand picked by their commander and we had to pick them up in the morning and return them to the base that night.

I think of this as a "Blue and White Christmas" because they all came in their dress blue uniforms and white sailors caps and were so polite. We had a turkey with all the side dishes and lots of desserts. I couldn't figure out why any of them took any beer and instead chose soda to drink. We were not beer drinkers, but had beer for our guests. Finally I asked, and found out they were worried about what we might say about them if they were drinking beer. So we assured them not to worry and just enjoy the day away from the base, and they did. I felt better about Christmas that year because I shared it with others who needed this just as much as I did. I've also learned to just accept what comes and to enjoy things that are a bit different. I actually like things simple.

Winter. Holidays start for me October 1st. One son and my husband have birthdays; Veterans' Day; Halloween; semi-annual trip to Mayo; Thanksgiving; Holiday Concerts, services and plays; Parades; Christmas Lights and Decorations; Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, New Years Day, my other son and I have birthdays in early January; Wedding Anniversary. Finally January 15th we are done with the Winter Holidays. Notice I did not mention cooking or baking. Sometimes I do, most times I do not. I used to love it all and enter into as much as possible with great enthusiasm. But, and it's a big but, much of my holiday spirit has been tempered with family rifts; being disowned by family members; broken promises; an abusive relationship; alcoholism; unappreciated gifts; demanding and ungrateful family; and abandonment by friends. I have lived this life and deserve to remember the pain and agony that has been inflected upon me. I am not a grump or Scrooge, but I also am no longer the exuberant Christmas Elf I once was. I no longer lead. I wait for invitations and inclusion. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it does not. It is actually a sad time of year for me.

I appreciate your honest appraisal of the holidays, @2011panc. It sounds like stress permeates this time of year. It is important to be true to yourself. I expect other Members may post similar feelings about this time of year.

What a great story about the sailors who came for Christmas!! It really was a Blue and White Christmas. Your dad was so wise to plan it that way. You make some good observations, @jenniferhunter, about accepting what comes and enjoying things that are a bit different. Yes, simple pleasures can make life happier and also help take the focus off of "what isn't."

I always appreciate your honesty about who you are, @gingerw.