Winter. Holidays start for me October 1st. One son and my husband have birthdays; Veterans' Day; Halloween; semi-annual trip to Mayo; Thanksgiving; Holiday Concerts, services and plays; Parades; Christmas Lights and Decorations; Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years Eve, New Years Day, my other son and I have birthdays in early January; Wedding Anniversary. Finally January 15th we are done with the Winter Holidays. Notice I did not mention cooking or baking. Sometimes I do, most times I do not. I used to love it all and enter into as much as possible with great enthusiasm. But, and it's a big but, much of my holiday spirit has been tempered with family rifts; being disowned by family members; broken promises; an abusive relationship; alcoholism; unappreciated gifts; demanding and ungrateful family; and abandonment by friends. I have lived this life and deserve to remember the pain and agony that has been inflected upon me. I am not a grump or Scrooge, but I also am no longer the exuberant Christmas Elf I once was. I no longer lead. I wait for invitations and inclusion. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it does not. It is actually a sad time of year for me.

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