The Journey of Grieving

Posted by liz223 @liz223, Nov 22, 2018

Traveling the road of grief is never easy. I lost my husband of 62 years 10/6/18. This is my first Thanksgiving without him. I'm fortunate that I have moved into a retirement community and will be able to eat with new friends in our beautiful dining room. I have a lot to be thankful for today even though I miss him and will love him forever. God gives me strength each moment to take the next step. I will be here to discuss my daily journey. If you are grieving for a loss in your life, please join me. Thank you.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Loss & Grief Support Group.

gingergirl | @gingergirl | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @gingerw "@maddiec @hopeful33250 I feel each of us have a cloak that covers several "outfits" that make..." + (show)

I think generally people don't want to see or deal with our grief as it makes them uneasy. My husband died of Stage 4 small bowel cancer at age 62 almost 5 years ago, so I can attest to the fact it does get somewhat less painful but it never goes away and of course your life is changed forever. I constantly felt at the beginning of this unwanted journey was now what am I supposed to do. There were too many difficult decisions I didn't feel confident to make such as selling my home buying a condo and moving to a new location. Somehow things came together and I am now more settled in my new reality. I think what helped especially at the beginning was attending bereavement groups . When the 1st one ended I joined another group as talking about your loss is so important and is a big part of working through it. My friends were supportive but did not want to talk about it and see my tears of grief after a while, at least that's how I felt. There is great societal pressure to be strong and not burden people with your sorrow. I now have my own cancer diagnosis and feel I am handling it with strength from knowledge about my diagnosis ,family and friend's support as well as knowing I survived my husband's illness and death. I also feel a sense of responsibility to my children to handle this as well as I can and to show them that you are stronger than you know.

georgette12 | @georgette12 | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @hopeful33250 "It is so good to hear from you, @georgette12. Are you doing well?" + (show)

Well I'm not so great. I work as a home health caretaker for an agency and my husband recently had open heart surgery. I'm surrounded by sickness and I live in a small town with little support system. So I haven't been on the forum for a while as I'm so negative and tired. Oh gosh..I am sorry to sound this way!

Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @georgette12 "Well I'm not so great. I work as a home health caretaker for an agency and..." + (show)

Please don't be sorry about feeling down, @georgette12. We have all been there and it is nothing to be ashamed of. Feelings are just that, "feelings." Sometimes feelings are more comfortable than at other times. It sounds like you have been through a lot of stressors with your husband having heart surgery. How is he doing? Is he home now or in rehab?

Will you post again and keep in touch?

fara67 | @fara67 | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @rlealsan "Thank you for your prayers. Although I may seem strong I feel so weak and broken...." + (show)

I relate to this as well. It seemed like we had just reached the stage of our lives to enjoy life together. Our children are grown, we had bought a house in the country with a pool to relax. We had a garden we enjoyed working together and canning the vegetables. We were finally able to afford to travel a couple of times a year. Life seemed great... then bam! He is diagnosed with liver cancer and died within 23 days. My world was completely shattered. I have no idea how to do this thing called life by myself. But in that 23 final days we talked ALOT. He did everything he possibly could to help me prepare for the days ahead. Through my faith, prayers of friends, and alot of tears I am trying. But there are moments I wonder why. I really wanted to grow old together. These posts I am reading here help me to know others have walked this journey ahead of me. I can do it too. Just not the journey I thought I would be on at 51 years old. 😢

gingergirl | @gingergirl | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @fara67 "I relate to this as well. It seemed like we had just reached the stage of..." + (show)

You must still be in shock! I remember after my husband's diagnosis I kept feeling or was it hoping that none of it was real. I would sometimes close my eyes and wish that when I opened them it would all be different. Also when he told me his diagnosis I remember that the whole room lost it's colour, everything was just white. I still think back and remember how anxious I became, lost 30 lbs. and yet still could not quite believe it was real.

fara67 | @fara67 | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @gingergirl "You must still be in shock! I remember after my husband's diagnosis I kept feeling or..." + (show)

I think some days I am still in shock. I have never witnessed anyone go from working to dying in a months time. My husband worked up til his liver biopsy on Aug 27th and was gone by Sept 29th. There are times I cant hardly breathe from the overwhelming grief. But he told me almost daily "it's okay to cry, but you cant stay sad all the time" He very much wanted me to be ok. So I am trying. I have 3 young grandchildren who have little understanding of what just took place. I have to continue to be the Nana they need. Something precious he did do before passing was write out cards for each holiday that he entrusted to a friend to give me at the appointed time. I treasure those.

rlealsan | @rlealsan | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @fara67 "I relate to this as well. It seemed like we had just reached the stage of..." + (show)

We too were in our early 50s with a lifetime of travel, and so many things that were left undone. I close my eyes and pray that this is a dream and that when I wake he will be lying next to me. There was many a time that we couldn't believe how this could happen to us. We thought we had lived our lives well and yet here we are in the middle of this nightmare. Now I'm expected to move forward. Dont know how and if I want to. The pain, the hurt is unbearable.

fara67 | @fara67 | Jan 14, 2019

In reply to @rlealsan "We too were in our early 50s with a lifetime of travel, and so many things..." + (show)

I totally get it. I feel the same way at times. I'll keep you on my prayers

maddiec | @maddiec | Jan 15, 2019

In reply to @fara67 "I relate to this as well. It seemed like we had just reached the stage of..." + (show)

@fara67 I hear you...I have been grieving since my husband's diagnosis in 2016..life as we knew it ceased to exist..I felt like my life was one big hourglass watching the sand fall through..
I was in the midst of retiring when he was sick..thankfully he had been retired for 20 years...like you and your husband, we had plans..not big ones, but plans nonetheless..so now I'm finally retired, but without him..life is a bit dim now, but I have faith and hope that will not always be the case..
It is nice to have others understand this godawfull journey...