Severe anxiety/depression. Need help.

Dear Anoushy,
I hope this is the correct spelling of your name! I also experienced both Suicidal Ideation, major Depression which is finally in remission, and still experience anxiety! I know exactly how you feel and hope you can somehow remember and remind yourself that what you are currently feeling is temporary and DOESN'T DEFINE or diminish who you are and what you mean to your friends, family members, and others!! I'm writing a book about coming back from my Stroke and how to change my attitudes towards my life and how I have suffered from being thrown out of a hospital with my former entire Team of Providers, without any knowledge or permission to put everything online and therefore BLOCKING me from Neurological, Psychological, Primary Care, and 4 other practices! I had absolutely zero HEALTHCARE for at least 7 months! I had a right knee torn meniscus, Epilepsy, Depression, Anxiety and an UNDIAGNOSED Non-Verbal Learning Disability! No-one cared about my life; they all just wanted me out of their lousy practices!!!!! The book I am writing is entitled "Misunderstood and Resilient", because my Mother whom had passed away 7 and 1/2 months prior to my Stroke wanted me to have a LIFE worth living and to make a difference in others lives like myself! I'm rooting for your recovery because I honestly do care and understand your situation! Here's hoping that you feel some relief soon!
Sincerely hope my advice helped cheer you up and gives you some hope!
Shelley Mintz

I am sorry you are having to go through this. I am sorry I don't want to what may seem stupid questions.
Is there a reason you are trying to go off the latest meds? I didn't catch it if you said they were not working.
Do you have family, friends, or other support?

I'm sorry to hear of your anxiety and wish you comfort. As a former severe anxiety sufferer, I can offer a few tips that helped, 1) make yourself get out of the house and walk, every day, 2) Look at your problems, with a capable therapist, and how you can solve them or learn to live with them and to make peace (in your mind at least) with those who may have unintentionally/intentionally hurt you so you can have a peaceful mind and giving yourself permission to move forward, (And, as Jack Canfield says, we have to take 100% responsibility for our lives) 3) give yourself permission to pursue work and play you enjoy and that fulfills you, 4) do some volunteer work as helping others helps you, too, and remember "Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." May you be comforted.

You've had a huge meltdown which likely took a long time to manifest itself and will more than likely take some time, step by step to mend. You will probably be a happier person as you heal because your long suffering is over, its out in the open. My mother had a breakdown like yours, but, she never pursued professional help and somehow she managed to pull through. My view is her recovery came by having oodles of loving kindness surrounding her. She also loved a whole lot. She has 50 grandchildren included in there her greats and add to that her own children, and we all kept her occupied. She herself was very witty and kind. At every occasion she gave generously without hesitation. This enabled her to maintain a measure of dignity and restore laughter during her recovery period. She juggled, and ducked and dived, robbed Peter to pay for Paul after all she had a huge field to play in, I mean all those children. She spoke of her trials often, regularly sharing gave us a lesson to learn. We all listened carefully even though at times it was done painstakingly. Eventually she was able to empty out and throw all the negatives to the wind, her past trauma's had passed. Her present care was where her mind wanted to be. The complexity of a breakdown is dynamic and hard to digest at best. She wanted a simple version of life now. One she could be content in. Her future, she didn't worry about. She remembered everyday to be grateful for what she had and tried not to mourn what she didn't have. She also believed in God. Striving after material gain could put her under compulsion so she avoided that in fact she avoided all kinds of pressure. When anxiety arose, she read, she created, painted...she rejuvenated herself someway. She was a creative soul so she'd find a way. When she broke her hip on a lip in the footpath she couldn't walk her anxiety away whilst picking flowers and branches on the way. She did need assistance with pain though. She brought Panadeine from the drug store nearly every week. She had huge varicose veins in both legs. Ouch. She had suffered more than anyone person should. I think she feared going to the doctor's because she was afraid to cry for fear she might not stop....not to mention dying from embarrassment.. Poor thing. At night she stood her legs under a cold tap for 10 minutes or so, so as to numb her legs in order to fall to sleep without the throbbing pain they caused her. She used a basin of ice, no problem for her to stick her feet in it. We all learnt from the local librarian how to use acupressure massage so we could bring relief of some sort to her. The foot was the patient. My goodness that was the bomb. It was so good that in the end we'd pay or bribe the grandchildren to do ours too. Father had Halcion for sleep back in their married years and now and then she'd indulge in one or two. But they were divorced now, after 35 years of marriage, the little blue melodies were sparse now. Mother's breakdown had much to do with fathers brutality and adultery. But something else came to her rescue, yes, it pleasantly surprised her. She discovered a thing called marijuana. She was 48 when she had her breakdown and soon her first whiff of marijuana wafted up her hungry nose. She was totally against this drug yet this one afternoon her daughter blew that smoke right next to her. She said she inhaled instant relief and so goes the story of why marijuana become her medicine. It also made her creative juices soar to a heavenly height. She died at 73, peacefully at home but to this day I'll always remember her telling me cannabis kept her sane.. it kept the stain of pain at bay. I think the moral of this story has to do with kindness and love. May you have that in abundance during your journey.

I’m so sorry you are going thru this. Maybe a higher dose of the Lexipro would help? I was in a very bad way emotionally and the Lexipro helped a lot gave me my life back. Wish. The best for you. God bless.

@farabella Good to read of a positive experience with an antidepressant. So oft we read of only the negative. Thank you.

@anoushey I'm a firm believer in the power of sharing your troubles. Whether it be putting it on paper, sharing with a trusted friend, seeking assistance from a medical professional, or on a site such as this, releasing the stranglehold that negative can have over you is critical. I sincerely hope that by your sharing you feel better about yourself, that a path to recovery is unearthed, and that someone else can shed light on the medications issue. I have suffered from depression for much of my life, but the only thing chemically given was citalopram. I work hard to keep my emotional and mental selves on an even keel, by whatever means necessary. I will echo what @littlepaw said, and add that I use CBD oil sublingually.
Ginger

Hello @littlepaw, I would like to welcome you and @anoushey to Connect and also thank you for sharing your Mother's story and what helped her. When things are a little down for me I like to find something that makes me focus on happy thoughts. I had the opportunity to listen to a talk given by Dr. Amit Sood that really struck home with me - A Very Happy Brain.

This is the first time I've written about Mum and to have good feed is very encouraging, thank you. 🙂

Dear friend ..... keep writing to us ... you will find here a group of understanding, caring, loving, and non-judgmental folks who will in no way judge you. This is a tremendous group of friends, and I do consider many of them friends, and they could not be safer.
Please let us keep hearing from you as you journey on.
abby