Adults On The Autism Spectrum

Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my pedicure. That is one of the girly things I do once a month to pamper myself. You sit in a massage chair and it is just terrific. But I digress. We have an announcement to make! Our group will have a new name very soon to reflect who we are and what we do here. We are growing, and not just in numbers. So stick around, ladies and gents, the show is about to begin! ( Cue the Fiftie's TV Music!) Until we meet again, MamacitaLucita

where do i go to log a new coment

I was always different. As a small child, I didn't realize I was different. I only knew as early as the age of three or four that I wanted to kill myself. I had it all planned out how I would do that. If I failed, I planned to run away from home, and I had that figured out as well. That would mean leaving my beloved Father behind. But I knew my Mother didn't care about me, so, I figured I had no choice. She was mentally ill, having suffered terribly at the hands of an abusive male relative for many years. She would frequently tell me all kinds of things that unsettled me. That she was not my "real" mother, that she was just watching me until she could come to get me. In a very real sense, she was not my real mother. My "real" Mother was one of two ladies hired by my Father to take care of me when I was born. My biological mother had a difficult time accepting motherhood. She had some sort of breakdown when I was born, and was unable to care for me. After a year, my parents could no longer afford two nannies. But they let the wrong one go. Just like in the film the Help, I was that little girl crying and screaming, begging the woman who had loved her and raised her not to go. I could read before I went to school, and was used as a teacher's aide to help other kids learn to read and write. I was playing the piano for church services at the age of six, and teaching my third grade class their music lessons at the insistence of my teacher. I had superior hearing, off the charts, actually, when I was finally tested as an adult. I read a huge stack of books every day after school, returned them the next day, then checked out another stack. I felt that if I read enough, one day I would figure it all out. I ended up becoming a Social Worker, then a Special Educator. I read temple Grandin's book, Thinking In Pictures, and was stunned. I had not known until then, that other people did not think in pictures. This was a very big deal to me. I worked directly under a Psychologist for the school system for three years, trying to help a child on the Spectrum to find her place. I suspected at the time that I had ADHD, and had already been diagnosed with Depression. I was already collecting labels by the fistful, and certainly did not desire anymore. But I always knew there was more to me than just depression. Long after I was transferred to another position in the school system, I began studying more about Autism. It was only after the ADHD medicines had become ineffective that I began to understand there was indeed a Spectrum, and that all people with Autism did not present exactly the same way. I am very sociable, for example. I never meet a stranger. I know now that I was miserable for so long, I want to do everything I can to encourage other people struggling with life. Around five or so years ago, I think, I began to read bits and pieces from a woman named Samantha Craft. She wrote Everyday Aspergers, and had a long list of traits that might present in females. This was very significant, because until about this time, most medical professionals didn't recognize Autism in females, except for extreme cases. We know now that girls are much better at "masking" or mimicking what is considered to be normal or typical behavior. After remaining open to the possibility that I could be on the Spectrum, I began to take a series of tests that are commonly given as part of the process in determining Spectrum disorders. It must be understood that I was extremely motivated in determining the truth. I had absolutely no desire whatsoever to attempt to make my scores high enough to "fit" the diagnosis. For me, this was a life or death matter. I have limited access to competent medical professionals who have had good success in working with persons on the Spectrum. Where I live, the closest place would be Birmingham, AL. I am raising a thirteen year old, have various health conditions, and a dear husband who is on immunosuppressant therapy. My days are filled with Homeschool and cleaning, so that his many allergies to not put him in respiratory distress. If I ever manage to have the time to get an appointment with a really good Psychiatrist an hour and a half's drive away, it will be just one more affirmation. I know where I come from and I know where I belong. The Spectrum is a perfect fit for me. My brain is just wired differently. All my senses are heightened to the nth degree. Things that used to torment me, now make sense. Sorry this is so long. I have actually left out an awful lot.

I definitely paid attention to my body , I love it when I feel like doing things in or outside of my house but if I’m having a more painful day I don’t try to push myself but the thing I’ve noticed is that it’s hard for me to make a definite commitment to a friend like going to do something it just makes me to not make any plans , and that makes me sad. Do any of you have that problem ?

Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my pedicure. That is one of the girly things I do once a month to pamper myself. You sit in a massage chair and it is just terrific. But I digress. We have an announcement to make! Our group will have a new name very soon to reflect who we are and what we do here. We are growing, and not just in numbers. So stick around, ladies and gents, the show is about to begin! ( Cue the Fiftie's TV Music!) Until we meet again, MamacitaLucita

@mamasitalucita

I am blown away by your wisdom and gifted writing skills. Your warm and loving responses to others posting on this thread, as well as to those who haven't posted, leave me feeling loved, accepted, and comfortable in my own body. I have chronic pain, the same back problems you do, diabetes, depression (controlled by Citalopram) and PTSD. Even so, I have led a fantastic life, pressing on thru all my fears, pain, and hypervigilence. I was exhausted at times, so the spoon theory makes so much sense to me.

Now that I'm retired, I sometimes feel like I'm being lazy because I don't work enough around the house. It's taken me about 5 years to really retire and let go of the things I was good at and got paid lots of money to do. Alas, my body forced me to stop working so hard. My back gave out while I was on a consulting assignment in the Denver area, and I was forced to get a wheelchair and fly home. That was my last work. I had a laminectomy within a month of returning home. Thankfully, it relieved a great deal of my pain, and further therapy using Active Release Technique has relieved most of my remaining back pain. My husband and I live with my stepdaughter in her beautiful, huge new home. She has a housekeeper who comes 3 times a week and not only cleans and does laundry, but also does the grocery shopping and cooks on those days she's here. That is wonderful, and I love her housekeeper who has been with her for 26 years.

But, on the 4th of July, my stepdaughter had a huge family and friends gathering which was very nice. I helped get the yard cleaned as much as I could, and made a fresh fruit plate as my contribution to the food, but that's all I could do. During the party, I ended up in my bedroom for a nap. I thought I was just taking a break, but ended up falling asleep. I then made it through til 10 pm, and had to go to bed for the night. My problem is I worry about not being able to help do any of the cleanup after the party. I so want to be useful and not take up too much space in my stepdaughter's home, which she asked us to come and live at no cost to us. My fears of not doing enough to deserve it sometimes get in the way of my just taking care of myself emotionally.

Your thoughts and the feelings you express remind me that I have space in this world and that I only have so many spoons to use each day. Sometimes just getting up, showering and making the bed is as much as I can handle. Even though I have some fun shopping to do for new bedroom furniture, I haven't had the energy to go do it. Decorating is something I love to do, but I don't have the energy most days now. My stepdaughter works so hard and is constantly busy. I worry about her level of activity as it will take a toll one of these days. Next to her I feel particularly "lazy." I need to remember that I was once as active as is she, and that it's OK for me to relax now and not worry about impressing anyone, least of all myself!

I so appreciate your wisdom and beautiful words @mamasitalucita. I think I'm a neuro, but I totally relate to you. We ARE better together. Thank you for listening.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

Hi everyone! How was your day? Mine was super busy, with shopping, cleaning, and getting my pedicure. That is one of the girly things I do once a month to pamper myself. You sit in a massage chair and it is just terrific. But I digress. We have an announcement to make! Our group will have a new name very soon to reflect who we are and what we do here. We are growing, and not just in numbers. So stick around, ladies and gents, the show is about to begin! ( Cue the Fiftie's TV Music!) Until we meet again, MamacitaLucita

I tried to comment earlier while I was on my way home from my cousin's funeral. Apparently it didn't work, for some reason. In my world, plans are made to be interrupted! Take this weekend, for example. We have this big church gathering in another city two hours from here maybe twice a year. It is planned for, anticipated, hotel rooms are rented, new dresses bought, hats to match the dresses, activities lined up after church is over, where we go eat....the list goes on. Then we find out earlier in the week my first cousin won't likely make it through the night. Great lady. Her suffering is over. As much as we want to go be with our church family and celebrate, we must change our plans and prepare for a funeral. Well, guess what? It was a lovely gathering. I even got to speak a little bit. And I am so glad we changed our plans. My health issues require me to say no many, many times. I cannot attend every concert, seminar, birthday party, or baby shower I am invited to! I only have so many spoons. I have to store up energy like a solar panel, child, so I can shine brightly later on! So, don't be too sad, for too long. When you get to be my age, you will have said "no" so many times, it will slip right off your tongue like a nice cold piece of homemade lemon pie! It's called self preservation. Explain to your friends nicely, and they will get it. Eventually. Until next time, Mamacitalucita