Dissociative identity disorders (DID) from vicious childhood abuse

@peach414144 Thanks for input. Publication is not something I would want to do as I see these types of publications as guide manuals for abusers. How I see thus and do not have any issues with those publishing thus.

@Dear Parus, you have a quick mind (you have to be quick to avoid your abusers) . You know what is best for you. I found that writing it, putting it down on paper and reading it when I felt it would be good for me. It does help me and I have heard from others that it does help them. You are smart enough to know what is best for you. Take care, Peacg

@peach414144 Back to you on the quick mind. I do still write poetry as I can write feelings/memories in a disguised way. I would never want family to know the ugly things. The poetry in an array of styles/words still exists. I was in no way saying writing in a journal is not a healthy and helping thing. I just would not be comfortable with publishing. Some of my journals were far too graphic. I always appreciate your input. I still have terrible nightmares of the abuse that lasted for many years. The thing that oft hurts me the most is how one of my sisters joined in with the abuse of the mother. Their hitting, throwing things at me,name calling and laughing the whole time they were doing so still scream into my sleep as well as the sexual abuse. TMI perhaps. You take care too Peach. Gotta be tough and determined to keep on keeping on. I am sad for what many have endured. My mind cannot grasp this type of cruelty of others nor would I want my mind to be able to. I know in ways I am way too sensitive. The body heals and the mind is endeavoring to do some healing. I was diagnosed 27 years ago. I functioned well and in many ways better prior to integrating although at times I still am fragmented when the world becomes too big and cruel. Easier to share a bit with someone who "gets it". If I could go back and stay there I would. Long story. Shows how determined I (we) we are to continue on. So many believe being "many" equals crazy. The things that happened were sick and crazy. How they could have found pleasure in such things...Enough about perverts of the past.

@this certainly sounds like my family. Hiting, screaming awful thind for no reason. The horror of it. My entire family mother, father, 3 sisters al together or alon. Yes there are nightmares, but slowly they are further apart and become somewhat less with the agonies. It is easy to say this and much harder to accept. But give it time, much much time. I made it to 80 and I realize that they are the monsters and they love what they do. They are what they are and they do not change. But perhaps one of the many many look back and realize what was done by them and somehow they can and do change. Believing in yourself and staying away from them is one way to go. It is up to you. It is lonely but less anxieties. Love Peach

Hi bright wings, I am glad you posted. I got diagnosed with dissociative disorder not otherwise specified. I did not get full did because I don't have enough amnesia. But I do know what it means to have parts. I also know what it means to talk to God and have God give you things and tell you things. I do think that people that can or were forced to dissociate can see into the spiritual realm more than the regular singleton can. So I think its both a gift and a curse. We have experienced evil but we have also experienced light that comes from God.

Hi, @ihatediabetes -- good to hear from you. Sounds like you've had some experiences with dissociative disorder and having parts.

I thought you might like to meet, if you've not met sometime before, @amberpep, @mscosette and @parus, who also have talked about dissociative disorders. They may have some perspectives on your mention that those who are forced to dissociate are able to see into the spiritual realm more than a singleton can, and what you said about this being both a gift and a curse. I'd also invite @hopeful33250, @gailb and @jimhd to join.

You mentioned something about experiencing evil, being forced to dissociate and that you don't have enough amnesia for a full dissociative identity disorder diagnosis. Sounds like you may have had some really hard things happen to you in the past?

Yes, for me, the dissociation happens during something unpleasant, evil, or something I really don't want to do. I learned that as a very young child when my parents would fight, and I would hide under the bed. She'd sometimes lock me in the closet or basement and threaten me she was going to make me leave - I was an only child - about 7 years old. I was terrified. When these things were happening, I'd "go away" ..... I'd be at the shore, camping in the mountains, or someplace more pleasant. And, I hate to mention this, but I'm divorced after 40 years .... my husband was an abusive Narcissist (emotionally and psychologically), and when we would be "together" I just went away......usually then to the shore. It just got to be an escape for me .... a way out of painful situations.
abby

There are times it is not easy being "we".

@brightwings Wow! What a wonderful story of your healing. I knew a woman who was also raised in multigenerational satanic cult. She too had multiple personalities. The stories she told me of what she endured would make your toes curl. Those stories were horrific, but she also shared stories about what it is like to have multiple personalities. She would wake up and her hair would be dyed red because that is what one wanted. Another time she ended up in Mexico because that one wanted to go.....the incidences go on and on. She was working on her integration when I saw her last. Success stories like yours warms the heart and helps so many to go on. Thank you for sharing your story.

Someone else who has endured cults. Altho integrated (mostly) time is still lost when the stress, depression, anxiety, etc. overwhelm. I (or we) stay close to home and far from others. No one on the outside is trusted. Cults are beyond words. So many do not understand DID and many professionals do not believe such a thing can be. They have been cruel and have no use for them and their ignorance. Sorry for the pain others have gone through and are still being harmed by the abuse of others. Coming here is helpful.