Reveal Trauma?

@lisalucier they didn't, they just offer anonymous help through talking, later I found this psychiatrist by myself, obvously not good choice. All good doctors have many patients and can't accept more.

@theotherone -- the Samaritans service sounds like perhaps a good addition/ option in the meantime. Thoughts?

I'd sure encourage you to not give up finding the right psychiatrist for you. When we changed medical centers due to my husband's taking a new job and having different benefits a number of years ago, I was assigned a provider, and it wasn't a good fit for me. I met a couple others in the practice I really liked when they subbed for my provider over time, and I eventually convinced one of them to put me on her waiting list. She also agreed to more or less "adopt me" as her patient in the meantime.

I am so glad I persisted, as my new PCP had been extremely wonderful and a great fit.

Wish I had seen this post earlier. There are several of us PTSD survivors on these comments I'm sure you'll hear from many. I believe all of us have in common the same thing that you're dealing with we have a hard time wanting to open up and explain what we've been through maybe it's a residual of the guilt we felt for having parents that treated us so badly and feeling it must be something wrong with ourselves however, therapy only works if you're able to tell people what your problem is and let those who can relate give you information of how they have handled things were how things have been done for them. I was a victim of sexual abuse or incest and from the age of which I had no language until I was 18 and left the home it has impacted my entire life and I managed to keep it bottled up thinking that someday I would confront my abuser and boy would I give him it's a piece of my mind! As though he didn't already own my entire mind! My poor luck, he died before that happened it was as though he had gotten away with it all. I crashed totally so far into depression everyone around me thought I had some disease that was killing me. My mother took me to Mayo for a full work-up to find out what on Earth could be wrong with me. Finally I was referred to a psychiatrist and after many many bad or false or even illegal pairings I found wonderful doctor and a not too bad therapist. However, having been on the same regime for the past 20 + years I have been having some difficulty lately with flashbacks nightmares, Etc maybe because I've been physically ill and it's been rather debilitating which leaves me too much time to think and bad habits return. Like you, the worst thing I can think of is to have to find a new psychiatrist as I have moved and my other psychiatrist has retired by now, and start this entire process over from the beginning probably including reassessing all my medications and changing them because they've been working for 20 years and there's probably something new which a doctor I would see now would want to try new things. I spent years in group therapy as well as individual therapy and found group to be much more helpful I eventually was even named the group therapy leader and worked under a licensed therapist. I find that all survivors of childhood abuse seem to have many similar attributes or actually, polarized versions of the same attributes. For instance, depending on your abusers preferences, you might choose to be overweight and unattractive or anorexic and unattractive but in general you fall into one group or the other mostly. The same thing goes for sexual abuse, you seem to turn out either brother promiscuous or absolutely uninterested in sex but with anyone. However this is about you, not me I was just giving you my background and credentials I guess. I highly recommend that do you find a psychiatrist who will work with you on medication which you probably need to begin with and may or may not need to continue. Don't be frightened by all the things you read on here about different antidepressants and withdrawal symptoms, Etc I'm on the one that is considered the worst being Effexor and I have only had withdrawal problems once and that was when I was so sick with After Effects of a surgery that I vomited everything and could not take my medication. I neglected to tell my Healthcare crew that everything was coming up so it took them awhile to diagnose symptoms. But that was easily taken care of on its own affects her has never caused me any problems other than the time I inadvertently went cold turkey. As I'm sure you know, you'll need a psychiatrist if you need any prescriptions and even though there are some great psychologists in this field there will have to refer you to a psychiatrist if you need help getting started digging your way back out of that whole you are in. If you're reluctant to start with an individual therapist and go through this all start here, I have read nothing but good, true advice after all, we are all in the same sort of a boat and we might as well share what we know rather than everyone starting at the beginning to end up in the same ending. I can say after more than 20 years that my flashbacks and Nightmares and freeze ups and general anxiety about everything has improved ten thousand percent! But it is never gone and there are triggers that will bring it back no matter how well I'm doing so it's important for me to talk to people who know and can help me find my triggers in order to avoid them. Whatever you do, you need to know that you will get through this if you work at it and believe me, it is work, much more painful than physical work. Good luck in finding good support and help. Just call me Sandi. One quick PS, I live in Southern Florida and I found it nearly impossible to to locate a good group for therapy, when I lived in tiny little Iowa I had options of which group to choose. I know there are more people here who are suffering the same as you and I but I can't figure out what they're doing for therapy!

Parus, I have no idea how old you are but I am 71 and I know that even in the last 5 Years I have improved immensely by using techniques eyes are learned in group therapy or from actual survivors like you. Please try not to isolate yourself because then you will prove that your idea of not being able to get better is true. If you don't get help in any form you probably are going to continue to believe it's impossible and I'm here to assure you that even without a current psychiatrist or therapist in Florida I have been able to improve. I am now looking for therapy again because I'd like to move my boundaries farther and get even better. Since I can't find any groups, I'm going to use this forum and see if it can help. I would like to stay in touch with you but if you choose not to, please believe things can always improve maybe not hugely in one big bunch but in smaller steps though I'm not a big one for patients and if I thought it would take me 10 years to feel better I would probably just shoot myself! I know someone help me figure out one of my triggers once and it was like a miracle sent straight from God to my head and it worked immediately, efficiently, and seems to be permanent. Bless you and the best medicine is remember nothing was your fault you were created perfectly, God don't make any junk, people who are sick choose to be that and if a person abuses children there isn't a punishment great enough for them.

@underedwardstale2018

I'm wondering how you are doing and if anything posted here has helped you in seeking support and therapy for your childhood assaults? I hope you will give us an update on how you're doing at this point.

I may have told you all this in an earlier post, so if I did, I'm sorry. But, I've hit another bump in the road. About 3 years ago I moved from a town I loved, had my own condo, worked for a dentist, to be closer to 2 of my kids. To say I dislike it here is an understatement, and truthfully, if given the opportunity and an apartment I could afford, I'd move back. Sure my girls (the ones who live down here) are very sweet to me and thoughtful, but it's not really "home" .... home is still in MD and probably always will be. But it is what it is, and I know someday I'll need their help .... I'm 73 now, very healthy. So I'm not dumb enough to think it will always be that way. So, here I am, and I suppose here I'll stay. Adjustment, especially when one is older, is hard. I have likened it to a large tree being pulled out by the roots, replanted in another place and expecting... it to thrive .... sometimes yes, sometimes no.
abby

I read all your posts. My heart goes out to all of you. I have trouble with my thoughts. I have a tendency to think negatively. I have worked on this before with a therapist. I also have the "flight " impulse. I don't like conflict. Change is also hard for me. I've had a lot of changes lately. Sometimes I get depressed whenever any of these things and others stress me out. I'm hard on myself when I think I've failed. If it wasn't for God helping me, I wouldn't make it. I have a hard time making decisions, perfectionism.

The only thing I ever consistently wanted to do is Write a Book. Real life, my life, but fiction. All the crappy stuff but with more action. I'm 64 years old now, taking care of my 87 year old sweep-it-under-the-rug useless mother who ignored my pedophile father's acts. A reveal all, tell all book about white America. How America looks at middle income white working fathers and refuses to believe they molest their daughters and assault their sons. How some mothers are so emotionally frozen they ignore their children's pain. Just let the abuse continue. I'm not alone. But incest is still such a secret. Shameful. And so I hide. But I'd like to expose this ugly oozing sore. Blast it open. Here's the ugly truth world. Let us survivors unite!

Hi, @stlouisgmajenn - first of all, I wanted to say that I'm so sorry you have endured so much pain, and from your own family members. The place that was supposed to be safe for you as a child clearly was not, and that is heartbreaking.

You mentioned "survivors unite." In that same vein, your post is merged with this one, as I thought you'd like to hear from members discussing familial abuse here, like @theotherone (note he has also written a book), @gailb, @parus, @underedwardstale2018 @amberpep and others. Hoping that they will have some insights for you on what you endured with abuse from your father and with your mom ignoring your pain.

You talked about taking care of your 87-year-old mother now. What is your relationship like at this point? Is your father still living?

My pedophile father is 92 years old. Still alive, living alone in another usa state. Suffering from prostate cancer. How appropriate that a freaking pedophile is suffering penile pain. Talk about karmic payback.
My 87 year old mother expects me to take care of her, supply her with groceries, chauffeur her here and there, make sure her basic needs are met. Which is laughable, cause she sure didn't make sure my basic needs were met when I was an infant, a molested toddler, etc. And don't dare talk about forgiveness. Yes, I've come to believe that my mother is vacant in her head.Unaware I was being molested. She's quite stupid, ignorant actually, living in her own little internal peaceful world.Yes I'm angry. How can any mother not know their child is being sexually molested? While the other is being violently intimidated?