Reveal Trauma?

I’m hesitant to reveal the trauma that I went through. It’s still a sensitive subject for me although it happened a while ago. If I do reveal it I’ll probably be very vague. I guess I’m seeking advice on if I should open up about this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health group.

@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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@lisalucier thank you for remembering me. I appreciate it a lot. I didn't post recently. Although I am doing my best to hide my depression, my mind is blurred and I can't think well. I have not visited my psychiatrist for several months already. I feel it does not make any good. I can see she is not interested to listen to what I want to say. I don't trust her anymore. I feel down again, and it is like nobody around me cares.

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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@theotherone Many of us here can grasp what you are saying. I know I have been terribly down for quite some time. I am sad you are experiencing the same. It is a bummer when it seems no one near us cares. People are busy. those who do not experience depression cannot "get it" and oft feel helpless and also wonder why we do not just snap out of it. Good to hear from you.

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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We care about you. It is great that we all have each other so we are not ever completely alone. Have you thought about calling a distress line (if there is one you can access). Believe me, there are more people there who will care about you too. It is totally confidential and you can use an assumed name.
Best wishes ,
Ainsleigh

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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Hi, @theotherone — absolutely remember you. Great to hear from you. That is really tough that your mind is feeling blurred and can't think well from your depression.

Sorry that visiting your psychiatrist does not seem to do any good — that's very unfortunate. Would it be possible for you to look for another psychiatrist?

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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@parus @ainsleigh @lisalucier thank you all for your kind words. I feel so alone with my feelings sometimes. Those who never experienced depression can't understand it. Advices that I should overcome it do not help.
My psychiatrist is not interested to help. When I am there, she mostly talks about herself or gives general advices without asking me anything. And I am really not motivated to go there. I will try to find another psychiatrist, but it is so hard to find a good one.
I remember writing to Samaritans long time ago. We exchanged few emails. I can write them again. Thank you for your patience with me.

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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Hi, @theotherone — please know you are not alone — it definitely seems you have members here who care about you and are ready to talk to you when you'd like to chat. I do think it's hard for people who have never had depression to really grasp it, so having others you can talk to who "get it" is a great thing.

I think your thinking in terms of finding another psychiatrist seems wise. Would be great to have support and engagement.

Just so I understand, did Samaritan's have psychiatrist referrals available when you spoke to them before?

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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@lisalucier they didn't, they just offer anonymous help through talking, later I found this psychiatrist by myself, obvously not good choice. All good doctors have many patients and can't accept more.

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@gailb

@underedwardstale2018

I just responded to your post in another site on Mayo Connect. I’m a Volunteer Mentor with Mayo Connect. It would help me and others to understand your situation better if you are able to share a basic idea of the trauma you suffered. BUT, you should only share that which you feel comfortable sharing. Causing you further trauma by reliving it will not be helpful to you and our hope here is to support you in finding relief. Please, only share what you think will help us help you.

Warmly, Gail B
Volunteer Mentor

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@theotherone — the Samaritans service sounds like perhaps a good addition/ option in the meantime. Thoughts?

I'd sure encourage you to not give up finding the right psychiatrist for you. When we changed medical centers due to my husband's taking a new job and having different benefits a number of years ago, I was assigned a provider, and it wasn't a good fit for me. I met a couple others in the practice I really liked when they subbed for my provider over time, and I eventually convinced one of them to put me on her waiting list. She also agreed to more or less "adopt me" as her patient in the meantime.

I am so glad I persisted, as my new PCP had been extremely wonderful and a great fit.

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@underedwardstale2018

Thank you for the support Gail. I went through child abuse for eight years. It was difficult enough because the new woman in the house I was supposed to treat as my mother would invalidate my feelings and there were several instances of physical abuse. I have scars on my forearm from manicured nails and I can always hear the screams and curses of them in my head. I feel that my head is a very violent place sometimes. I mainly went through verbal and physical abuse, and because of always having to walk on eggshells as not to anger anyone, I am always nervous about nearly everything I do. I always feel that I am being watched, and I am so used to people being mad at me that I am hyper sensitive to people’s faces and tones and will think in a split second that they are angry with me. It truly is tiring keeping this mental state, but it feels that I can’t leave it.

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Wish I had seen this post earlier. There are several of us PTSD survivors on these comments I'm sure you'll hear from many. I believe all of us have in common the same thing that you're dealing with we have a hard time wanting to open up and explain what we've been through maybe it's a residual of the guilt we felt for having parents that treated us so badly and feeling it must be something wrong with ourselves however, therapy only works if you're able to tell people what your problem is and let those who can relate give you information of how they have handled things were how things have been done for them. I was a victim of sexual abuse or incest and from the age of which I had no language until I was 18 and left the home it has impacted my entire life and I managed to keep it bottled up thinking that someday I would confront my abuser and boy would I give him it's a piece of my mind! As though he didn't already own my entire mind! My poor luck, he died before that happened it was as though he had gotten away with it all. I crashed totally so far into depression everyone around me thought I had some disease that was killing me. My mother took me to Mayo for a full work-up to find out what on Earth could be wrong with me. Finally I was referred to a psychiatrist and after many many bad or false or even illegal pairings I found wonderful doctor and a not too bad therapist. However, having been on the same regime for the past 20 + years I have been having some difficulty lately with flashbacks nightmares, Etc maybe because I've been physically ill and it's been rather debilitating which leaves me too much time to think and bad habits return. Like you, the worst thing I can think of is to have to find a new psychiatrist as I have moved and my other psychiatrist has retired by now, and start this entire process over from the beginning probably including reassessing all my medications and changing them because they've been working for 20 years and there's probably something new which a doctor I would see now would want to try new things. I spent years in group therapy as well as individual therapy and found group to be much more helpful I eventually was even named the group therapy leader and worked under a licensed therapist. I find that all survivors of childhood abuse seem to have many similar attributes or actually, polarized versions of the same attributes. For instance, depending on your abusers preferences, you might choose to be overweight and unattractive or anorexic and unattractive but in general you fall into one group or the other mostly. The same thing goes for sexual abuse, you seem to turn out either brother promiscuous or absolutely uninterested in sex but with anyone. However this is about you, not me I was just giving you my background and credentials I guess. I highly recommend that do you find a psychiatrist who will work with you on medication which you probably need to begin with and may or may not need to continue. Don't be frightened by all the things you read on here about different antidepressants and withdrawal symptoms, Etc I'm on the one that is considered the worst being Effexor and I have only had withdrawal problems once and that was when I was so sick with After Effects of a surgery that I vomited everything and could not take my medication. I neglected to tell my Healthcare crew that everything was coming up so it took them awhile to diagnose symptoms. But that was easily taken care of on its own affects her has never caused me any problems other than the time I inadvertently went cold turkey. As I'm sure you know, you'll need a psychiatrist if you need any prescriptions and even though there are some great psychologists in this field there will have to refer you to a psychiatrist if you need help getting started digging your way back out of that whole you are in. If you're reluctant to start with an individual therapist and go through this all start here, I have read nothing but good, true advice after all, we are all in the same sort of a boat and we might as well share what we know rather than everyone starting at the beginning to end up in the same ending. I can say after more than 20 years that my flashbacks and Nightmares and freeze ups and general anxiety about everything has improved ten thousand percent! But it is never gone and there are triggers that will bring it back no matter how well I'm doing so it's important for me to talk to people who know and can help me find my triggers in order to avoid them. Whatever you do, you need to know that you will get through this if you work at it and believe me, it is work, much more painful than physical work. Good luck in finding good support and help. Just call me Sandi. One quick PS, I live in Southern Florida and I found it nearly impossible to to locate a good group for therapy, when I lived in tiny little Iowa I had options of which group to choose. I know there are more people here who are suffering the same as you and I but I can't figure out what they're doing for therapy!

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@parus

There are those gliding through life with ease. It is not mine to question. I keep trudging on knowing that at my age moving forward is not possible. Trauma is lurking all around waiting to frighten. Lurks in least expected places. This community has become a busy place. No way I can read so much. Back to my own world for now. Pain and depression do not blend well. Working on unsubscribing from some posts. Only a few come to my email.

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Parus, I have no idea how old you are but I am 71 and I know that even in the last 5 Years I have improved immensely by using techniques eyes are learned in group therapy or from actual survivors like you. Please try not to isolate yourself because then you will prove that your idea of not being able to get better is true. If you don't get help in any form you probably are going to continue to believe it's impossible and I'm here to assure you that even without a current psychiatrist or therapist in Florida I have been able to improve. I am now looking for therapy again because I'd like to move my boundaries farther and get even better. Since I can't find any groups, I'm going to use this forum and see if it can help. I would like to stay in touch with you but if you choose not to, please believe things can always improve maybe not hugely in one big bunch but in smaller steps though I'm not a big one for patients and if I thought it would take me 10 years to feel better I would probably just shoot myself! I know someone help me figure out one of my triggers once and it was like a miracle sent straight from God to my head and it worked immediately, efficiently, and seems to be permanent. Bless you and the best medicine is remember nothing was your fault you were created perfectly, God don't make any junk, people who are sick choose to be that and if a person abuses children there isn't a punishment great enough for them.

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@underedwardstale2018

I'm wondering how you are doing and if anything posted here has helped you in seeking support and therapy for your childhood assaults? I hope you will give us an update on how you're doing at this point.

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I may have told you all this in an earlier post, so if I did, I'm sorry. But, I've hit another bump in the road. About 3 years ago I moved from a town I loved, had my own condo, worked for a dentist, to be closer to 2 of my kids. To say I dislike it here is an understatement, and truthfully, if given the opportunity and an apartment I could afford, I'd move back. Sure my girls (the ones who live down here) are very sweet to me and thoughtful, but it's not really "home" …. home is still in MD and probably always will be. But it is what it is, and I know someday I'll need their help …. I'm 73 now, very healthy. So I'm not dumb enough to think it will always be that way. So, here I am, and I suppose here I'll stay. Adjustment, especially when one is older, is hard. I have likened it to a large tree being pulled out by the roots, replanted in another place and expecting… it to thrive …. sometimes yes, sometimes no.
abby

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