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underedwardstale2018 (@underedwardstale2018)

Reveal Trauma?

Mental Health | Last Active: Sep 21, 2018 | Replies (44)

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@stlouisgmajenn

My pedophile father is 92 years old. Still alive, living alone in another usa state. Suffering from prostate cancer. How appropriate that a freaking pedophile is suffering penile pain. Talk about karmic payback.
My 87 year old mother expects me to take care of her, supply her with groceries, chauffeur her here and there, make sure her basic needs are met. Which is laughable, cause she sure didn't make sure my basic needs were met when I was an infant, a molested toddler, etc. And don't dare talk about forgiveness. Yes, I've come to believe that my mother is vacant in her head.Unaware I was being molested. She's quite stupid, ignorant actually, living in her own little internal peaceful world.Yes I'm angry. How can any mother not know their child is being sexually molested? While the other is being violently intimidated?

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Replies to "My pedophile father is 92 years old. Still alive, living alone in another usa state. Suffering..."

@stlouisgmajenn

First of all, let me say that you do have the right to feel angry! I so appreciate your incredible honesty and openness about your situation with your parents.

I can understand the feelings you must have about being asked to care for someone who was so vacant to your needs as a child. For those of us who have lived with a "vacant parent" your situation seems all too familiar and all too stressful.

Some suggestions for the conundrum that you find yourself in:

Are you an only child or do you have siblings that might help carry the load with your mom?
Does your mom have the resources to have help with groceries, appointments, housekeeping, etc.?
Each county in my area has assistance programs for senior citizens who do have funds to hire help at the going rate. If you could look into that you could help provide your mom with help without getting personally or emotionally involved.

It is important that you be firm with your mom as to what you can or cannot do. For example, "I can help you to find an organization to help you but I cannot personally get involved with your many needs at this time." This involves setting boundaries and for those of us who were raised without any boundaries to protect us, we need to learn how to create and maintain those boundaries now as adults.

Will you post again and let me know how you are doing?

Hello @stlouisgmajenn — I can't imagine the pain and suffering you have been through. I don't think anyone can unless they have been in your shoes. My hope is that you can find some support to help you maybe not get over it but move forward and not let it continue to cause you anger and heartache. There are some evil people in the world and their are those that are fooled by evil or just don't want to believe it. When we were going through some mental health issues with our son we found a support group of other parents with similar issues that was extremely helpful to both my wife and I. I'm wondering if a support group of other adult survivors of childhood abuse might be helpful for you to talk to and maybe not share but figure out how to move forward. Here are some links that may help you find a support group:

HAVOCA – Help for Adult Victims Of Child Abuse
https://www.havoca.org/

Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse
http://www.ascasupport.org/

WINGS Foundation: Adult Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse
https://www.wingsfound.org/

Hoping you find peace and comfort.

John

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