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Loss and Grief: How are you doing?
Loss & Grief | Last Active: Apr 7 12:18pm | Replies (932)Comment receiving replies
I am so sorry for everyone that lost someone that they loved deeply. My dad has been gone since 2001. God i still miss him so much!! When he died, it was a shock to my whole family. Who would of thought he would die before my mother. My mother passed away three years later. She was in a nursing home for twenty-five years due to a stroke she had. My dad visited her every day come rain or come shine. I still am not over their passing away. They were good people. I still cry sometimes when i think of them and still have vivid dreams about them to this day. It got easier to deal with their loss with the help from my husband Mark who loss his mother a few years ago too. prayers for everyone who loss someone, Trudy
Replies to "I am so sorry for everyone that lost someone that they loved deeply. My dad has..."
Hello Jim @jimhd
I am glad to hear that your letter got some results and led to some changes at the hospital. Even though the hospitalization wasn't the best for you, you made an impact for others.
I know what you mean about a "chocolate-weakness." That is mine as well. I am now pre-diabetic and I just need to avoid chocolate as much as possible. It certainly is not easy, though.
Teresa
@jimhd,
"just stop all of my meds". How could they do that? Some of those things need to be stepped down over a period of time, not cold turkey. I read up on the one I'm taking and was disappointed to find that it'd take a matter of months to wean me from the stuff. It's not an opiate, some other stuff.
Good for you standing up to the staff. It's difficult to take that stuff when you're there for help. That one day/night I was in the hospital several doctors paraded through my room and one young smart ass doctor made fun of me for drinking ten cups of coffee a day. OK Doc! I'll switch it to ten shots of whiskey per day and get back to you from the drunk tank. Priorities? My shots were more like "three finger whiskey" which is a good "stiff drink" as they say.
Funny we are, I'm trying to put on the lost weight because I'm looking skinny at 170, really skinny at 150, and looking like a refugee from a concentration camp at 137. That happened around 2012. The dietician just put me on a routine of 2 containers of Ensure per day and that was sent to me by the VA at almost no cost. I think there were maybe 50 drinks per box. It was heavy and the postman groaned when he handed them to me. They sent around 9 box's over the months and I gained weight and got my appetite back. Thanks VA.
It was funny when the dietician asked me what flavor I wanted. I don't know, I was thinking, this stuff is almost free and I'm going to be picky? I chose chocolate.
Don't let them push you around!
Take Care.
Mark
I just had a snack of two graham crackers with chocolate cream cheese on them. My wife has a few friends who get together on Wednesday evenings and knit, so I'm on my own for what to eat. I usually have yogurt and toast and a piece of fruit.
If I lose another 5-10 pounds, I'll be at my comfortable weight, which is the same as what I weighed in college. I'm 6' 2", and 155-160 is where I like to be.
I was on several meds that absolutely should never be stopped suddenly. I was too dizzy to walk, and I had to lie perfectly still. Just moving my eyes would make me dizzy. I was trying to take notes of everything that was happening, but I could only scrawl a sentence or two at a time. It was a nightmare I hope never to repeat.
One thing I started doing at their recommendation is to rate each day on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the best day of my life. 4 is the level of active suicidality. I was a 2 in the hospital. It took at least two years to reach 5, and another 3-4 years to reach 6. At the end of last year I was back down to 5, and it's taken a year to get back up to 6. I seem to be pretty much settled in at 6.
I was diagnosed depressive bipolar, which means that my base line is lower than normal, and the highs of bipolar are still lower than what a non-depressed person would be on their normal day. I've told the therapist that I'm just really tired of depression, but I'm thinking that 6 will just be my new 9. I'm able to function, though not at the level I could before I spiraled downward into the darkness of clinical, severe depression. I do as much as I can make myself do.
Our driveway is a quarter mile long, and over the winter months it develops potholes. We are infested with ground squirrels, and they have made big holes in the bank next to the driveway, with dirt cascading down onto the driveway, creating humps. I spent some time several days filling the holes and trying to level it out. There was a section that was graded wrong, so water wouldn't drain off. I shoveled and raked a bunch of dirt to correct it. It's not perfect, but it's about as good as I can make it using a shovel and rake. I'd like to have 5 yards of gravel brought in. I think that would help maintain the driveway.
I've once again rambled down some of those squirrel holes. Sorry. I'm not doing much online these days because it's beyond my functioning level right now. One of these days maybe I'll get myself together enough to be more involved with the groups.
Jim
@jimhd Hi Jim:
Whenever you post it is always helpful! So do what you can. My posting has been somewhat irregular as well because of some chronic pain problems and some neuropathy. My doc would like to prescribe Gabapentin for the neuropathy, but I've heard mixed reviews. Have you taken it? If so, what was your impression?
Teresa
@jimhd,
"I was too dizzy to walk, and I had to lie perfectly still" Jim! You made me dizzy reading that. What a gross experience. Sounds worse than a dizzy drunk attack. Don't know why it took me so long to learn...stubborn dude! I can't imagine what kind of sensation that would be except for that. Just gross me out. HAHA! I did it to myself even.
It's the squirrels messing with your road that's the bug here. We don't mind if you ramble some. I've shoveled a few yards of stuff over the years but not 5 yards at a go. I've watched a good gravel trucker go to the top of a road and radio down that he's coming so clear the road. Heard the diesel noise and the trucker twisted and turned and lay down a perfect 3-4 inch of road gravel all the way down. He was going fast, artist in motion. Different dance.
Got to admit, I bumbed out today. Can't help it because it just sneaks up and does it's rude business and then leaves you wondering if sleep will come tonight. I can handle waking at 3-4 but going to sleep at three and up at 5-6 sucks like a Hoover.
Take care!
What do they say? Something like, "We'll cover your six." OK, I guess it means something like 'cover your back'.
Mark
Hopeful, I was given Gabapentin by my Neurologist years ago when I first went to him. It really helped with no side effects that I was aware of. It stopped my stinging entirely. I tried increasing my dose to help with my herniated disc pain, but no help there, so now coming back off to a small dose. No problems at all. Good luck!
@hopeful33250
Teresa, I tried Gabapentin a few years ago and again a couple of months ago. I didn't like the cognitive side effects.
Jim
@jimhd Could you explain more - was it memory, attention, concentration or something else?
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@muppey
The facility where I spent 6 weeks was owned and operated by a hospital. It was locked, but I admitted myself, so I could have left anytime. There were several group therapy sessions every day, attendance required. I found the groups marginally helpful.
I asked the facility to keep my profession confidential because I knew that people would want to tell me their problems. I made it for 4 or 5 weeks, then in one group session the facilitator pressed me to tell what my 24/7 job was. It was really frustrating, and exactly what I hoped to avoid did happen. I was there because I needed help. I didn't want to be a pastor to the other patients.
I would have preferred to have more down time. I just wanted to stay in my room, alone. The main reason I was there was to be in a safe place, to get a break from suicidal possibilities. I think I was more severely depressed than most.
The typical stay is a week or so, but I knew that I wasn't safe to leave. After awhile the group session curriculum cycled, and I was just hearing the same thing that wasn't very useful the first time around. It did get boring.
I went back 3 months later and the staff was very rude and did and said things that were totally inappropriate. One thing they did was just stop all of my meds. When I got home, I wrote a strongly worded letter to the hospital and the safe home, and I guess I ruffled some feathers and changes were made. I was really angry with the staff. On the third day, I met with the whole staff and made it pretty clear that I had several grievances, and what exactly they were. I was disgusted with the way they treated me. I walked out that day.
My psychiatrist told me that my letter had quite an effect, and that significant changes were made. I hope that if I ever need to go back, I'd be treated with more respect. I might find a different place, though.
I agree that regular hospitals are pretty boring.
I'm trying to lose weight. I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago, but I've put 15 back on. Yard work is helping. So far I've lost five. My weakness is chocolate and most other sweets. I'm restricting myself to one piece of candy per day, and taking smaller portions at meals.
Jim