~ I thought the healing was complete, but I guess not ...~

@parus

I agree, being blind-sided can be terribly unsettling. You are right to say that you will have to work through this and I know that you will do just that. You are a very determined and gifted person.

I hope for you a good day, in whatever you choose to do.

Blessings,

Teresa

@parus

I think that unexpected change is more impacting on those of us who are doing the coping dance with mental illnesses. I catch myself using words like should, ought to, need to, and so on. When I use them at the therapist's, I will stop and find a different way to express my thoughts.

I'm learning, albeit very slowly, that I don't have to feel guilty because of the shoulds and need to's. I'm working at letting myself be who or where I am right now, and not letting someone else tell me I "should" be better by now. Or I "need to" do this or that. Sometimes, I wonder if I'd be better off without having to hear those guilt producers. Being single does have its advantages.

I just let myself sleep in until 10:45 this morning, and didn't worry about what the rest of the household thought about it. I'm doing pretty well limiting the number of hours I sleep, but once in awhile it feels good to stay in bed.

I hope you enjoy a relaxing, quiet day of being thankful for the good things from your past. This weekend, I plan to make a list of people for whom I'm thankful, and when I get back home, I plan to hand write thank you notes and mail them. I plan to, but we'll see if I can make myself do it when the time comes.

Jim

@jimhd I call this "plan to" as paving the road since I so oft heard this about good intentions. I did have a quiet and peaceful day as nearly everyone else was gone. For several years now I have designed a Christmas card to send to those near, dear and far away. I have designed one for this year and will hand deliver the ones I can and forget about the others as no one sends Christmas cards anymore. I always felt disappointed as I did not receive cards. By not sending any I will not have my feelings hurt. Gee, why did I not think of this sooner? I do the best I can and I only invest extra effort in taking care of myself.
This is not selfish at all.

Hi all ..... well, today is Thanksgiving, and I went to my X's for dinner. Our kids, and their spouses, and our grandkids were there. After being divorced for 12 years, things have leveled out pretty well. In fact, if he'd have treated me then the way he does now, there may have been more hope. But, since he's a narcissist, well, a tiger doesn't change its stripes ..... it's all for appearances. I've been in therapy for 10 years, so I'm not the same person I was and I think it throws him a bit .... no longer the "good little Suzy" who agreed with everything no matter what .... she's been moved out and her "evil" twin has moved in, and she doesn't put up with any garbage from Mr. know it all. That's gone a long way toward improving our relationship. He knows better than to be "Mr. Wonderful" around me .... I just say some little sarcastic thing and walk away. Love it. Probably why he treats me better.
abby

Hi Abby, @amberpep

It sounds like you've had a graduation exercise from the "good little Suzy" and you have taken on a new identity! Feels good, doesn't it?

Teresa

Sure does Teresa, and I have my therapist to thank for that. I remember when I first started to see him, about 10 years ago ..... oh, I was just so good ... dressed perfectly, sat straight, said all the "right" things a Christian wife and mother should say, blah, blah, blah. After I was done, he looked at me and said, "I see "good Suzy" sitting across from me ..... we're going to dismantle her." WHAT???????? All through my life I never made waves, caused problems, never disagreed if I thought it would make someone mad, etc. I was numb when I left .... but he was right ...... it took many years to find "good Suzy's" sister, but she's sure there now.
abby

@amberpep

Hi, Abby. I'm glad you had a satisfying Thanksgiving. I think I'm going to ask my therapist if he sees me the way yours did that first session. I think that probably would describe me. "I see mr. nice guy looking at me. Time to find what's really inside you." Hmm. I'm glad that your X saw a new, improved you. I'm glad you see a new you, for that matter.

Sadie just jumped in my lap, time for her nightly walk. So, gotta go. Have a good weekend, Abby.

Jim

Abby @amberpep

I understand what you are saying - when you are trying to please everyone else, you can no longer be yourself - a true identity crisis isn't it?

Teresa

@parus

I'm with you on the Christmas card thing. I don't like e-cards, even though that's all we get from some. I suppose it's inevitable that it will be the norm soon enough. I write a letter about the highlights of our year and send copies to an increasingly shorter list of family and friends. But if we don't receive a card from someone, they're off the list. I write the letter so it can be interesting to friends who probably aren't all that interested in the minutiae of our granddaughters' lives.

I sat in a corner of the family room at my in-laws' home today half listening to the swirl of conversation and activity, drinking coffee. My wife's family is overwhelming. But I survived, and have made it back to our daughter's, and am playing catch up with the Mayo Connect discussions.

Next comes Christmas! I'm going to put up more lights outside this year, as our daughter is coming for a week. I only put up a couple of lights last year- fewer every year. I just haven't felt like using the little energy I have doing something that only my wife and I would see. Living out in the country, no one else would see the decorations. I used to compete with the neighbors where we lived last, and strung lights on the fences, the porch rails, the roofline and even the trees and bushes. Makes me tired just thinking of it.

I should write to a few others, so I must say goodnight.

Jim

Whew @jimhd , I am tired after just reading all of that :). I now email some the Christmas card I design as many I know spend the winter in FL and do not get their card until Spring. Why would I spend my energy decorating when I am the only one seeing thus? I go to the houses of others and enjoy all of their decorations. By no stretch of the imagination am I Ms. Scrooge. Living in an apartment complex I play secret elf. The fun is no one has figured out where things at their door are coming from as I also place something in front of mine. I sing Christmas carols in stores or when lines are long-Jingle Bell Rock is safe thus far. The Salvation Army enjoys my "Christmas" carols even though I don't last long in the cold air.
My body may be old with chronic pain, but I can still have Christmas spirit and not mind one bit when I am called a crazy old woman at times. Usually by someone who has mega-bucks and does not understand the true meaning of happiness. I am chronic in many ways-now chronically old at 66. I am also chronically crazy which is the only way I know to handle all of my chronic issues... :).

I must work on the watercolor of dinosaurs for my soon to be 3 year old grandson. The gift that keeps on giving even after Christmas.

Have a good day and thankful to hear your daughter is coming. Motivation can be found.