~ I thought the healing was complete, but I guess not ...~

Oh, and something else unrelated to the aforementioned discussion. For the passed year or so I've been very clumsy, teetery on my feet, unbalanced, and there are days I feel like I'm in a brain fog. I have fallen here at home almost weekly, not breaking anything, but getting some dandy bruises. I was afraid I was coming down with Parkinson''s, MS or another one of those awful diseases. Well, I renewed my Rx this week for Clonopin (been taking it for 1-1/2 years) and for the first time I read the entire patient handout. Everything I was experiencing was exactly what they described. They said it was very normal to feel physically unbalanced and fall. Also another med. I take - Lamictal - for Bipolar 2, has the same effect, although not quite as extreme. At least I know what is causing this, and that helps, but I really have to be careful anywhere I walk.
abby

Abby @amberpep

I'm sorry that you are having such a tough day. Memories are funny things, aren't they? They pop up and interfere with our peace of mind in so many ways.

Our past, both the good and the bad, are always with us. It takes some work to process those memories and replace them with where we are now and what we have accomplished. As I've read your posts over the past year or so, I'm impressed with how much you have grown and changed. You have left the "door mat" side of yourself behind you and you've moved on. That is quite an accomplishment!

These memories will come back, perhaps in a dream or perhaps in intrusive painful memories - but we always have the present and the future. For the rest of the day, try to think on those memories.

Keep posting as you can,

Teresa

Thank you Teresa for your kind and encouraging words.
abby

Oh, Abby--that is a very upsetting dream. We are with you and care about you.

@amberpep

Oh, wow.

Dreams can be so awfully real. With the emphasis on awful sometimes. Abuse, in its wildly sundry forms, too often seems to attach itself to our minds with super glue. Extracting ourselves from its grip can be a lifelong process. We think we've worked through it all, and all of a sudden, it knocks us out again with some small trigger.

You said Thanksgiving is always at your x's home. Do you plan to be there?

We just got to our daughter's home, and my wife is calling me to get the luggage and stuff into the house, so I'd better stop writing and get to work.

Jim

Hi Jim, @jimhd

I really like the analogy of super glue-how true! Those memories do stick. Holidays can be difficult for many of us and with Thanksgiving just a day away, we are all subject to painful memories. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Teresa

Hi Jim .... Yes, Thanksgiving is at my X's house. He's become quite the cook. He lives down a major highway about 20 miles from me, and since I don't drive at night, I'm going down with my daughter and her family. I'd really prefer to drive alone so I could leave when I wanted to. I'm going to have to think about that. This is one of those many times when I wish I'd never left MD.
abby

I'm copying and pasting a sort of hang-on to my original post. I want to be sure you all see it .... some of you may be having the same problem and wondering what's going on .... sort of "catastrophic thinking."
"Oh, and something else unrelated to the aforementioned discussion. For the passed year or so I’ve been very clumsy, teetery on my feet, unbalanced, and there are days I feel like I’m in a brain fog. I have fallen here at home almost weekly, not breaking anything, but getting some dandy bruises. I was afraid I was coming down with Parkinson”s, MS or another one of those awful diseases. Well, I renewed my Rx this week for Clonopin (been taking it for 1-1/2 years) and for the first time I read the entire patient handout. Everything I was experiencing was exactly what they described. They said it was very normal to feel physically unbalanced and fall. Also another med. I take – Lamictal – for Bipolar 2, has the same effect, although not quite as extreme. At least I know what is causing this, and that helps, but I really have to be careful anywhere I walk."
Just wondered if anyone else had this problem?
abby

@amberpep

I mentioned to the neurologist last week that I find myself turning into doorways too soon, banging my shoulder against the door frame, and staggering down the hall, bumping pictures on one side and bookshelves on the other, almost tipping over when I stand up and then turn left or right with the first step, catching my right toes on the back of my left foot, and tripping because my right toe touches the carpet or even a smooth surface. He made a note of it, but didn't comment at all. It sounds like foot drop that I've heard other people with neuropathy complain about.

It seems that you're more comfortable with being at your x's home than I would. Even if I were, like you I'd want to be able to leave on my own schedule. I had trouble driving at night, but cataract surgery on both eyes has helped a lot, though I still don't like the oncoming headlights. Have you suggested having dinner earlier so you could drive home in the daylight? I know people have definite traditions like that which they don't want to, or would even consider to change.

However it works out, I hope you have a pleasant day.

I remember how overwhelmed I was in the early days of my marriage, going to family times at my in-laws. They were SO noisy! My family was never like that. I got used to finding an empty room, and sitting alone in the quiet or going for a walk.

Have you been able to unpack more boxes? Have you found it more like home when you get things set out on shelves and tables? It's a comforting thing to have things around that have sentimental value, or that remind us of happy times. But then, I'm definitely not a minimalist when it comes to decorating.

I'm believing for you a settling of emotions as more time passes in your new home.

Jim

There seem to be triggers everywhere. I surely have been traumatized recently by family physician I was used by her to give a new NP training and was not asked first. The recent visit a specialist went well. I am having horrible dreams and waking up with panic attacks. It has not been this bad for a long time. It will take time to keep myself grounded. What I experienced should not happen to anyone. Being blind-sided can have drastic results for some of us. I have to just work my way through this.
I was going to go with my son and his family for Thanksgiving dinner and I just cannot do it. Bummer.
I need to get back on my feet as staying alone all of the time is not healthy.