1. < Depression & Anxiety

Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I"m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: 'why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude'. Or they don't hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: 'what do you have to be depressed about?' Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a 'why', not is it a 'choice'. It's almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that's what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don't want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it's harder and harder to 'push depression down' once it's popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy - but as I said, it's not a 'why'. I'm looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it's just me and there's no one else who feels this way -- 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

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jacklin | @jacklin | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @anniegk "I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and..." + (show)
@anniegk

I hear what you are saying. I have had depression and Anxiety for 30 years and in the past was given medication and i pulled out of it. Not anymore. Iam now 72 years old and have not been able to pull out of this depression/anxiety. This depression has been going on for 1 1/2 years. Iam so sick of the anxiety and depression. I also have a heartbeat irregularity that really makes me nervous and anxious. It is also getting worse with age. I have also developed cramping and weakness in my lower legs I go to a doctor and they pour tons of pills on me and PHYSICALLY I feel worse than before. I worry I am having a heart attack. I fear that i will have to be hospitalized for my heart and that they will take me off all my meds cold turkey and that it will cause withdrawals which could also kill me. I have been on 250 mg er Seroquel 1 time a day and Buspar 10 mg 2x a day for over a year and Remeron for 10 years at varous doses. I also take BP Meds Lisinopril and a waterpill and Propanolol. I try to tell my husband about my fears and how i feel but after all these years, he is tired of listening to me. I just feel alone and like Iam circuling the drain. You are not alone. I just want to feel relaxed and tranquil and enjoy .whats left of my life. It is hard to get good mental care in our area. Iam going to my physician. and he sees me every 3 months. I dont feel any support from him. I do have a physchologist i see but i have problems with all the mindfullness, CBT and relaxation etc. In short, iam a mess.

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So sorry about your loss, it’s a tragedy when you lose a beloved pet. Enjoy your Sadie, she’s a beauty.

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Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Apr 30, 2018

Good morning- I also have been depressed and angry on and off for years but very severely for the past 4 or 5 years. I am 71 years old and have been in and out of therapy. I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to my 20+ years of lung cancer and childhood anxiety. Last year I stopped seeing a therapist who turned out to be sicker than I was. She was so depressing! After last year's 4th lung cancer I decided that I would not fall into a deep depression again. I was so fearful of this. I began a blog about my journey https://my20yearscancer.com/. My PCP helped me with a medication that supplemented anti-depressants that I was taking, Wellbutrin. I am not interested in ever getting off these pills that have helped me. They are not 100% successful all the time and I have to fight to help them work. It's now 6 months since my last treatment and I have more tests to go through. That always sets me back, esp with anxiety. I have also begun to exercise, and that helps incredibly well. It's the thought of doing something good for me that makes me feel good, that I actually did something.
I wish you well. I hope that this thread continues because I think that this beats most illnesses as far as debilitation go. It's an all encompassing cloud that just wont go away, or at least in the background, always threatening to rain. I hate it. I know that we all do. I think that it's part genetic too.

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2 replies
Merry, Alumni Mentor | @merpreb | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @merpreb "Good morning- I also have been depressed and angry on and off for years but very..." + (show)
@merpreb

Good morning- I also have been depressed and angry on and off for years but very severely for the past 4 or 5 years. I am 71 years old and have been in and out of therapy. I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to my 20+ years of lung cancer and childhood anxiety. Last year I stopped seeing a therapist who turned out to be sicker than I was. She was so depressing! After last year's 4th lung cancer I decided that I would not fall into a deep depression again. I was so fearful of this. I began a blog about my journey https://my20yearscancer.com/. My PCP helped me with a medication that supplemented anti-depressants that I was taking, Wellbutrin. I am not interested in ever getting off these pills that have helped me. They are not 100% successful all the time and I have to fight to help them work. It's now 6 months since my last treatment and I have more tests to go through. That always sets me back, esp with anxiety. I have also begun to exercise, and that helps incredibly well. It's the thought of doing something good for me that makes me feel good, that I actually did something.
I wish you well. I hope that this thread continues because I think that this beats most illnesses as far as debilitation go. It's an all encompassing cloud that just wont go away, or at least in the background, always threatening to rain. I hate it. I know that we all do. I think that it's part genetic too.

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In regard to my treatments I meant to say cancer treatments

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @vllynn "Hi, I am very interested in what you have posted. My life runs parallel to yours...." + (show)
@vllynn

Hi, I am very interested in what you have posted. My life runs parallel to yours. I have come to accept it as genetics, but I will never give up trying to beat it. Cognitive therapy has been helpful, although I find it difficult to speak to a therapist about this, so I read a lot. Of late, I have had an increased determination to overcome this affliction. I believe it is within us to move beyond it. I would love to hear from anyone who may have suffered from depression for decades. Do you have any suggestions or specific actions that may have been helpful for you?

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Structure has been my best friend, as well as my worst enemy. I have to have things written down, somewhere, to gauge what will be going on every week. Otherwise I am like a balloon that is accidentally let go and flies off into the heavens, never to be seen again. I flag certain times during the day for specific activity. I read devotionals, the Bible, do housework, listen to music videos on YouTube, play the piano, sing, take care of people and dogs. I take classes that interest me, and I try to make sure I get out of the house every day. I just recently got my pastoral counselor certification, so I am dedicating this first year to helping and encouraging others any way I can. Pro bono. Actually, I don't see how I will ever get past that little sign I have posted on an antique child's desk, "Therapy - 5cents." It's just what I do. I was miserable and so sad for so long, I will go to almost any length to help someone else not have to go there. I have found some things that work for me, and for others. I would love to share with you. We can learn from each other.

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Mamacita, Alumna Mentor | @mamacita | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @merpreb "Good morning- I also have been depressed and angry on and off for years but very..." + (show)
@merpreb

Good morning- I also have been depressed and angry on and off for years but very severely for the past 4 or 5 years. I am 71 years old and have been in and out of therapy. I have been diagnosed with PTSD due to my 20+ years of lung cancer and childhood anxiety. Last year I stopped seeing a therapist who turned out to be sicker than I was. She was so depressing! After last year's 4th lung cancer I decided that I would not fall into a deep depression again. I was so fearful of this. I began a blog about my journey https://my20yearscancer.com/. My PCP helped me with a medication that supplemented anti-depressants that I was taking, Wellbutrin. I am not interested in ever getting off these pills that have helped me. They are not 100% successful all the time and I have to fight to help them work. It's now 6 months since my last treatment and I have more tests to go through. That always sets me back, esp with anxiety. I have also begun to exercise, and that helps incredibly well. It's the thought of doing something good for me that makes me feel good, that I actually did something.
I wish you well. I hope that this thread continues because I think that this beats most illnesses as far as debilitation go. It's an all encompassing cloud that just wont go away, or at least in the background, always threatening to rain. I hate it. I know that we all do. I think that it's part genetic too.

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Good for you for "firing" your therapist who wasn't helping you get anywhere. Sometimes it is so easy to stay with the familiar, even if it isn't really working out for us. Because it is familiar, and at least there are no surprises. I am so glad we all found each other here. I look forward to sharing and hearing more of your stories. We truly can learn much from one another.

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Jinny Y | @vllynn | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @parus "@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to..." + (show)
@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the "D" word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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Hi @ladybugmg, focus is one of the ways I have battled depression for the past 5 decades. Some would argue that it is an avoidance technique; I argue otherwise. Depression made it hard for me to focus and accomplish things in life. By focusing on one thing at a time and establishing specific goals to follow, my life has more meaning and I feel more productive. While this does not eliminate the depression, it does seem to keep it at a lower level -- the clouds are not as dark. Clearly, it is necessary to focus on more than one item during any period of time -- but I think of it as a hyper focus on one important goal, with the rest being secondary. As each goal is achieved, another item moves up to the hyper category. It works for me ...

If you like to read, I enjoyed reading the Checklist Manifesto. While not read (or I expect written) specifically with depression in mind, I found it quite helpful.

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Jinny Y | @vllynn | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @charlie75 "Hi Sharlynn62, I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed..." + (show)
@charlie75

Hi Sharlynn62,
I've read the sharing between you and others in our group. I've been depressed for so many times that it became a comfortable space for me to occupy as I knew where I was and what was happening. I learned to feel the pain and continued to function after several years of suffering. I would put on my actors face and go out into the world and fool those around me although I was crying inside. My Father would tell me that I was my worse enemy. I was so sick that I didn't understand. Of all the lessons that I've learned is that once I accept my illness, I have been able to work on the illness by people who are willing to help me recover. These people are professionals and others who share the same sicknesses and hope is instilled. I've learned that acceptance and hope are two verbs that require action on my part. Action helps with optimism and optimism brings me out of my depression. I have no idea what your mental diagnosis is and the medications you take. Hopefully, your Doctor can help you with this portion of treatment. The best to you.
charlie75

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Hi @charlie75, I know this must seem so very basic ... but where would one look to find a CBT group? That sounds to me like a fabulous idea.

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @parus "@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to..." + (show)
@parus

@sharlynn62 I am 66 and there is nothing anyone else can do. It is up to me. If I cannot use my CBT skills then what else is there? I am 66 and I do not mention the "D" word to anyone. I feel like a leper in society. I surely will get back on track. Currently I lack the desire to even try. Yup, listening to the depression demon. Native Americans left the tribe when they were no longer of value. Welcome to my pitiful world.

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@vllynn

Some helpful suggestions. Thank you for sharing your "tool-box" for dealing with depression.

We all learn from each other. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Teresa

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elwooodsdad | @elwooodsdad | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @jimhd "@seeker70 - I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful..." + (show)
@jimhd

@seeker70 - I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful to me to enter a conversation with you. Trouble is, I'm part way through a cold, and I'm just not up to writing or thinking. Give me a couple of days and I'll try to remember to join in. I've been going through a month or so of increased depression, and being sick right now is the pits.

Jim

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Sounds as if you are channeling me. I am 70,and have been diagnosed with dysthymia. I don’t remember when I didn’t have depression & anxiety/panic attacks. I have support via medication, and have 15 years or so and know it will pass, and it does. Not ideal, but knowing and practicing coping mechanisms is what I have in my tool box.

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ainsleigh | @ainsleigh | Apr 30, 2018
In reply to @jimhd "@seeker70 - I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful..." + (show)
@jimhd

@seeker70 - I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful to me to enter a conversation with you. Trouble is, I'm part way through a cold, and I'm just not up to writing or thinking. Give me a couple of days and I'll try to remember to join in. I've been going through a month or so of increased depression, and being sick right now is the pits.

Jim

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I forgot to mention in my last post that another possible tool box item could be access to a distress phone line. Lots of the volunteers
have had personal experience with mental health issues and in any case all are kind and empathetic and ready to listen. If you need to speak to somebody and do not have anyone to call it could be a resource for you. It Is confidential and you do not have to use your real name. How to I know-because I have had mental health issues and was a volunteer for five years .I hope you have this available where you live!
Ainsleigh

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