Therapy Homework: How Caregiving Affects Relationships

@kjc48
I can tell you've put a lot of thought into this!
All the things you said, ditto: faded dreams, less time with grandchildren, travel plans gone, etc.
You didn't just mention losses, you also focused on what you two still have together and that's healthy. Gratitude is important and healing.
Be very grateful that he still lights up, that you still have discussions, that he has empathy enough to think about you and offer an umbrella.
I truly mourn the loss of all of those things and need to remember to focus on what we still have. Thanks, Karla. 💓

I interpret your question to be about my relationship with others, aside from my DH.

I have to say, during the years of caregiving it became more and more difficult, ultimately impossible, to maintain relationships with family and friends. Aside from the occasional text and response to facebook posts, I had no time or energy to engage with anyone other than my husband and his medical team.

In hindsight, I recognize this was the most unhealthy way to manage this disease, but I saw no other option. Fortunately, loved ones didn't give up on me and they all knew that this was not how it would always be. I, on the other hand, could not imagine a different future. They continued to reach out, coming to the hospital during his many stays, just to sit with me. Leaving messages, sending cards... to me.

He passed over a year ago and I can honestly say, every one of those relationships is thriving. I can't name one relationship I have lost over these difficult years.

I am blessed.

@kmliste
You have a heavy load if you're caregiving for two.
I don't remember if you have support or get respite. Sure hope so. 🫂

@jehjeh
That is so beautiful, thanks for sharing. Very special. 🦚

I appreciate this thought provoking, insightful question. My husband has not wanted to share his MCI diagnosis with anyone other than our children. I have a few close friends that I have told and can talk to about it. One of them has a husband who also has cognitive impairment and we often share our experiences and thoughts. I agree that friends come and go — depending on work, interests and proximity. I work really hard to stay in touch with friends and family. It is a struggle with our friends because it seems that they are all are dealing with health issues and other limitations. Many family live a good distance away and, since we no longer want to drive long distances, it is difficult to see them in person. I am saddened by not being able to see family and friends as often. It triggers loneliness and the feeling that our personal world is getting smaller. That feeling is exacerbated by the inability to do much traveling and other activities we used to really enjoy. I do try to find joy and I am grateful for each day we have together.

My relationship with my grandchildren is one change that comes to mind. When they were younger I often made the two+ hour drive to babysit them when their parents were otherwise engaged on weekends. I worked hard to create fun times and memories. My husband was not interested in going with me. Now I don't feel I can leave him and the grandchildren don't really want to be around him. I don't have the energy for the fun times. They are teenagers now so maybe they would have grown away anyway but I miss them.

@grandmajoan
So true about the lonliness and not being close to family shrinks our world.
Thankfully in this modern world we can catch up with friends and family with video chats.
I truly miss the travel as well, but everything was getting too hard.
Thank you for your reply, and hope you have a good day. 🌞

@carolreid
I feel you. I am heartbroken that I won't get to see our grandchildren as often due to the challenges of travel, and we are no longer the grandparents chosen to care for them when parents are away, so I mourn the loss of stolen opportunities to be with them and become closer.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. ☺️

My wife is in "end stage" or that's what her neurologist calls it. She only knows me for about 4-6 hours in a week and otherwise, I'm a stranger, her father, my father or someone else. Friends have disappeared or have died (we're close to 80). my wife can't travel, so we've missed out on graduations and will miss out on weddings.
If it wasn't for our (my) dog, Norm, I would be lost but while she is in day care, Norm & I go for LONG walks in the woods. The walks help me decide on menus, shopping, medical appointments for the next few days/weeks. There are no future vacations or planned visits with friends. Luckily, I have a son nearby who can help out in a pinch or when my wife get physical.

@brn2tch This must be so difficult for you. Very sad.