To move near family or stay put

We love Oregon, where we live. Our son is a horse vet in Phoenix. We won't move unless I die first, and my wife may move. Unless we're needed, we're staying here.

But . . . he's getting married to another vet and they want a family. With child care costs today, he and his fiance asked us to move near Phoenix to help keep the kids they don't have yet so child care isn't an issue. Of course, we'll go, since they asked for help, and that's what we'll do when the time is right.

For me, I have CHF, a tumor, maybe an adenoma, in my brain, and a very sad case of arthritis everywhere. I will be so glad to become a Mayo patient.

@kjoed53
I’m in the first year of having my two daughters live so far away from me—as I’ve said in my post one lives in Alaska, other in Amsterdam and traveling to see either one of them takes about the same amount of time since getting to see my Alaska daughter involves a four or five hour ferry trip, and a flight of eight hours.
What has helped me the most is volunteering—the library, reading tutoring for elementary schools and working at a food pantry distribution center.
I did childcare for my daughter’s three children 2-3 days/week for the last seven years, so their absence really has made a difference in my weekly life. I began doing childcare for them two months after I retired, and really didn’t develop my retirement life because of this. They appreciated me for sure and I appreciated the time with them, but when they moved, it left a big hole in my life.
I still haven’t come to a decision on staying put or moving to Portland, which is much busier than my town in southern Oregon. I hedge on going forward with this because of all the traffic that I hear about from my sister who on the other hand strongly encourages me to come up there to be nearer family—3 sisters, 2 brothers—all aged 62-74. I plan to go up in the next month for a few days to look around neighborhoods that she will show me to see if I’ll be able to visualize making the change.
I appreciate this thread in the ability to read decision-making and circumstances of others in my age – – it’s not an easy time, this transition.

Oh my goodness, reading these posts is certainly eye opening. I am going to respond to the couple that is thinking of moving to Phoenix, Arizona and Mayo Clinic. First of all we are a couple without children but have taken care of plenty when we were younger. Those that have responded regarding child care are "right on", the fact that your son and future daughter-in-law are asking you to move closer to be their "nanny's" to me if very telling. If you are to do that you need to have frank discussions and set some boundaries otherwise you might be in for a very rude awakening on both of your parts. Everyone means well but when reality hits it becomes a whole other story. What will happen when you can no longer either physically or mentally fulfill their wishes and you will be needing the care? Might they be too busy with work and now children to be able to help you out?
Next moving to Mayo sounds great, but - - - do you even know if you will be able to establish care at Mayo? While Mayo is "top notch" medical care it is not easy to become a Mayo Patient. Take it from someone who's husband is one. Some of the departments are "closed" to outside patients as they are so overwhelmed with the patients that they have. Also what type of insurance do you have? Mayo will except conventional Medicare but not the HMO Medicare advantage plans. So check this out before you make any decisions.
Next someone mentioned Arizona heat, it is real and it is HOT! You are pretty much indoors from May until late September if you are in the Phoenix area, we live just south of Phoenix and we know. The other thing is the dust, dust, and more dust so if you have any breathing issues Arizona is not the place to be. We are struggling with contemplating a move just because of the dust. Right now we are able to travel for part of the summer to cooler climates where we can at least be outside but when we come home to a dirty dusty house it is disgusting.
So what I say it do your research and think things thru, don't do anything in haste and the best to you in your decisions.

Oh my goodness, reading these posts is certainly eye opening. I am going to respond to the couple that is thinking of moving to Phoenix, Arizona and Mayo Clinic. First of all we are a couple without children but have taken care of plenty when we were younger. Those that have responded regarding child care are "right on", the fact that your son and future daughter-in-law are asking you to move closer to be their "nanny's" to me if very telling. If you are to do that you need to have frank discussions and set some boundaries otherwise you might be in for a very rude awakening on both of your parts. Everyone means well but when reality hits it becomes a whole other story. What will happen when you can no longer either physically or mentally fulfill their wishes and you will be needing the care? Might they be too busy with work and now children to be able to help you out?
Next moving to Mayo sounds great, but - - - do you even know if you will be able to establish care at Mayo? While Mayo is "top notch" medical care it is not easy to become a Mayo Patient. Take it from someone who's husband is one. Some of the departments are "closed" to outside patients as they are so overwhelmed with the patients that they have. Also what type of insurance do you have? Mayo will except conventional Medicare but not the HMO Medicare advantage plans. So check this out before you make any decisions.
Next someone mentioned Arizona heat, it is real and it is HOT! You are pretty much indoors from May until late September if you are in the Phoenix area, we live just south of Phoenix and we know. The other thing is the dust, dust, and more dust so if you have any breathing issues Arizona is not the place to be. We are struggling with contemplating a move just because of the dust. Right now we are able to travel for part of the summer to cooler climates where we can at least be outside but when we come home to a dirty dusty house it is disgusting.
So what I say it do your research and think things thru, don't do anything in haste and the best to you in your decisions.

I’m having the same issue, I have four children living in Georgia and I live in South Carolina about an hour and 15 minutes away, and they are begging me to move back closer to them, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it outside of a few factors, one being me having to change my healthcare set up and the other being that I’ve been living in South Carolina for eight years now and in the entire eight years that I’ve been here they’ve not been to visit me more than 10 times and I think that’s ridiculous!!! because I go back-and-forth to Georgia where they live usually around 2 sometimes three 3 times a month , so that makes me wonder if none of them seem to have time to drive an hour to see me at least once a month , how often will they visit if I’m 20 or 30 minutes away. I just kind of think it’s asinine that they would rather have me uproot my life and pay thousands of dollars to move me closer to them as opposed to just driving an hour every now and then to come and visit, Then whenever I ask them about a visit their excuse always has to do with their vehicles. Somethings always wrong with them, but those same vehicles take them every place else they wanna go. A a few weeks ago one of my daughters and her husband found out about a restaurant an hour away from the house that they wanted to try out and they went on a random Tuesday with no problem and no mention about the problems they were supposedly having with the Car. I’m starting to think maybe they don’t like me that much, they just want me closer in case something happens to me, they won’t have to be inconvenienced by driving the distance to come and deal with the situation. so actually the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to do it.

I’m having the same issue, I have four children living in Georgia and I live in South Carolina about an hour and 15 minutes away, and they are begging me to move back closer to them, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it outside of a few factors, one being me having to change my healthcare set up and the other being that I’ve been living in South Carolina for eight years now and in the entire eight years that I’ve been here they’ve not been to visit me more than 10 times and I think that’s ridiculous!!! because I go back-and-forth to Georgia where they live usually around 2 sometimes three 3 times a month , so that makes me wonder if none of them seem to have time to drive an hour to see me at least once a month , how often will they visit if I’m 20 or 30 minutes away. I just kind of think it’s asinine that they would rather have me uproot my life and pay thousands of dollars to move me closer to them as opposed to just driving an hour every now and then to come and visit, Then whenever I ask them about a visit their excuse always has to do with their vehicles. Somethings always wrong with them, but those same vehicles take them every place else they wanna go. A a few weeks ago one of my daughters and her husband found out about a restaurant an hour away from the house that they wanted to try out and they went on a random Tuesday with no problem and no mention about the problems they were supposedly having with the Car. I’m starting to think maybe they don’t like me that much, they just want me closer in case something happens to me, they won’t have to be inconvenienced by driving the distance to come and deal with the situation. so actually the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to do it.

I’m having the same issue, I have four children living in Georgia and I live in South Carolina about an hour and 15 minutes away, and they are begging me to move back closer to them, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it outside of a few factors, one being me having to change my healthcare set up and the other being that I’ve been living in South Carolina for eight years now and in the entire eight years that I’ve been here they’ve not been to visit me more than 10 times and I think that’s ridiculous!!! because I go back-and-forth to Georgia where they live usually around 2 sometimes three 3 times a month , so that makes me wonder if none of them seem to have time to drive an hour to see me at least once a month , how often will they visit if I’m 20 or 30 minutes away. I just kind of think it’s asinine that they would rather have me uproot my life and pay thousands of dollars to move me closer to them as opposed to just driving an hour every now and then to come and visit, Then whenever I ask them about a visit their excuse always has to do with their vehicles. Somethings always wrong with them, but those same vehicles take them every place else they wanna go. A a few weeks ago one of my daughters and her husband found out about a restaurant an hour away from the house that they wanted to try out and they went on a random Tuesday with no problem and no mention about the problems they were supposedly having with the Car. I’m starting to think maybe they don’t like me that much, they just want me closer in case something happens to me, they won’t have to be inconvenienced by driving the distance to come and deal with the situation. so actually the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to do it.

I’m having the same issue, I have four children living in Georgia and I live in South Carolina about an hour and 15 minutes away, and they are begging me to move back closer to them, and I wouldn’t be opposed to it outside of a few factors, one being me having to change my healthcare set up and the other being that I’ve been living in South Carolina for eight years now and in the entire eight years that I’ve been here they’ve not been to visit me more than 10 times and I think that’s ridiculous!!! because I go back-and-forth to Georgia where they live usually around 2 sometimes three 3 times a month , so that makes me wonder if none of them seem to have time to drive an hour to see me at least once a month , how often will they visit if I’m 20 or 30 minutes away. I just kind of think it’s asinine that they would rather have me uproot my life and pay thousands of dollars to move me closer to them as opposed to just driving an hour every now and then to come and visit, Then whenever I ask them about a visit their excuse always has to do with their vehicles. Somethings always wrong with them, but those same vehicles take them every place else they wanna go. A a few weeks ago one of my daughters and her husband found out about a restaurant an hour away from the house that they wanted to try out and they went on a random Tuesday with no problem and no mention about the problems they were supposedly having with the Car. I’m starting to think maybe they don’t like me that much, they just want me closer in case something happens to me, they won’t have to be inconvenienced by driving the distance to come and deal with the situation. so actually the more I think about it, the less inclined I am to do it.