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To move near family or stay put

Posted by beckboop13 @beckboop13, Jul 28, 2024

we have been living in a retirement community for 21 years, and our children are encouraging us to move back to our previous community and be near them. We have long-term care insurance which could cover us in either place should we have the need?

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rashida | @rashida | Oct 8 1:15pm
In reply to @sueinmn "@gravity3 Indeed it is a matter of whose priorities. BUT - In my humble opinion, part..." + (show)
Profile picture for Sue, Volunteer Mentor @sueinmn

@gravity3 Indeed it is a matter of whose priorities.
BUT - In my humble opinion, part of the breakdown in society we are seeing is when "priorities" begin and end with "me and mine", with little or no regard for others, whether family, neighbor or greater community.

How do we break the mold and teach people to care about others so we have a better society? My Dad used to say "Charity begins at home." I would expand that include compassion and empathy. Society urgently needs to establish this as a norm or it is going to collapse. It needs to begin with each of us expressing and modelling this to our own family, friends and community.

Almost every time I am with my daughter and her kids, she says one of these at least once:
It's not just about you and what you want. Maybe it is [brother's] turn to choose.
[Mom] is speaking to [Dad], please wait your turn.
You already have 2 weekly [sports, activities]. More would take away too much [family, study, leisure] time.
No screen time until you do your chore.

Instead parents are run ragged, go into debt, give up their social lives and extended family - and the kids learn life is "All about me." Just ask anyone who works in a school or coaches a sport.

PS I spend half of each year in a family-centric 95% Hispanic community. Elders, whether related or not, are respected. Families gather for any (or no) reason. Kids are comfortable with people of all ages, and teens are frequently seen tending grandparents in between school, sports, part-time jobs and hanging out with friends. All winter, younger people of all ages open doors, reach high shelves, load packages into my car, or offer to take my yard waste to the dumpster. If it happens in my north suburban home, it is almost always an Hispanic or Asian person who offers.

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@sueinmn so very true!

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lori098 | @lori098 | 4 days ago

If your children are encouraging you to move back home I would seriously consider doing it soon before it becomes more difficult. My mother had LTC and was in assisted-living and then in a nursing home for 2 1/2 years after my father passed. My sibling lives in another state. As time passed she had no visitors and I had to advocate for her as she became increasingly unable to do that for herself. When she stopped driving I took her out to eat, shopping and to doctor appointments for a long time until I couldn’t take her out anymore. It’s my opinion that care teams at hospitals as well as staff at retirement/nursing home facilities are so much better when they have family visiting and asking questions about the care of their loved one. As time goes on it can be very lonely living in these facilities and if you are fortunately enough to have children who want you close to them you should take advantage of it.

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