Cumulative Grief

Thank you so much for your kind words. My husband passed away while we were away meeting our first grandchild. I live in Vancouver and we were visiting our son, daughter-in-law and new grandchild in Ottawa. Began to show some weird symptoms and he went to the hospital. They transferred him to the Ottawa University heart center and unfortunately he had a vascular aneurysm and in his heart and died quite suddenly. It has been a tough road that's for sure. But I'm not ready to make any changes. And like I said I talked to him all the time and he guides me in a special way. I wish you many blessings and somehow we will make it through. God has a plan and we are here to fulfill it

@rivermaya34
My sincerest condolences for your grief over 7 years with many losses. It's comforting to know that a brother in the Lord has faith in Him. I had the good fortune to get training in Trauma-Informed Care as a Certified Peer & Family Specialist. I cannot imagine the difficulty over many years in dealing with tragic personal losses. I have yet to deal with my 2025's business and personal losses during this period of feeling numb.
God has given me friends helping me through each day after losing my husband of 44 years last year in December. Today, I have a 9 month old puppy to keep my mind and heart feeling life. And my daughter with her family and my son who has been living with them is where I moved to in July when I left my friends in Colorado. Just losing a community of people I worked with is difficult for me. So, I'm having to continue looking for jobs just to feel useful. Being without a job for a year in August has been more than I could feel good about. Even at age 81. But, in suffering sudden losses, unplanned tragedies and those mount up over a span of years seems the worse situation to face--even for me. I've learned that denial and refusing to understand that we have no control over things outside of us are what keeps us stuck.
But, I'm an overcomer. I've also relapsed with a breakdown just from one small incident that opened up buckets of tears a few months ago. Recovering from hurts and trauma that stemmed from my childhood is what I am aware of, because of my training as a peer coach. However, I cannot deny my own weakness in private. Being transparent with myself and staying aware of triggers kind of governs the time I care to spend feeling helpless. I'm not suggesting you are feeling that way--I confess that I reached a point of giving up. My friends called for a wellness check when they suspected I might be in a bad place of giving up. If it weren't for them, and for the acute treatment center that I agreed to be in for a few days, I may not be here trying to help you feel okay about your grieving. It's natural and God is merciful to send our help through His Holy Spirit. My crutch has been my puppy that I got when she was 8 weeks old in January, one month after my husband passed and two months having put our 12 year old Dolly down in an emergency. It's a crutch for me because Misty has distracted me from feeling the pain I know will hit me one day big-time!
Meanwhile, you are God's child and He has a plan for you. You just need to be encouraged to seek His face daily, moment to moment. I love Psalm 91. What's your favorite Psalm?
I believe this group is a way I'm finding very helpful to express my grief and where I can be of encouragement, too.
Blessings and peace that only Jesus Christ can give through his promise to be in our midst when two or more are gathered in his name. - Donna Mae

It’s so good to hear that you had friends that could help you through such a tough situation with your losses. I lost my wife of 59 years just one year ago and have a few friends that are really important. Your little dog may seem a crutch but seems like a great companion and a place to put some of your love and affection. Some distractions can help get us away from the heavy load of grief. God bless.

@dmb7 Today being my birthday - a day that's usually forgotten and hard for me, grief-wise - this message really made my day, so thank you! I am deeply inspired by your courage and strength, for one. I was just reading in 2 Cor. 12 today and encouraged by Paul's words, "When I am weak, He is made strong." I definitely see that in your story (mine, too). But, I love that you embrace your victory in Christ - because, let's face it - w/o Him, where would we be? I'd be dead, literally. Aww your fur babies sound so sweet - and healing, too!! My previous job was at an emergency veterinary hospital and I miss the puppy therapy a lot, as it kept me afloat during many hard days. I would come to work sometimes and "my golden" (he adopted me, tho he had owners) would immediately find me and love on me. He could always sense when I needed extra love and dish it out unconditionally and w/o any limits. So, I'm glad you have them, along with your family - what a blessing! My 19-mo old nephew keeps me smiling most days <3 My favorite Psalms are 42 and 121. Yes, MCC has been a true Godsend since I found this family a number of years ago. I'm so glad you're here, too! And, I'm truly sorry for the deep hurt you've experienced and the pain that comes with it

@joetex I am SO sorry for your loss, friend!!! :'( Ugh ... stay strong. You are an encouragement to so many, and I'm really glad you're here.

@rivermaya34
Happy birthday, brother!
You met many pets in your life working in a veterinary hospital. I hated seeing our three dogs sick. They suffer and they can’t tell us what they feel. We had a mixed breed from a friend that was going to return it to the shelter. Resembled Bengi with more tan hair and smaller. She was our first dog that we had as a married couple. After putting her down, Steve decided we needed another one. We went to a pet store and got our first Miniature Schnauzer. 15-1/2 years later we allowed her to hang on. We turned around from the veterinarian until the next day , but it was the worse for Steve and me. He called from work the next day and insisted we get another Schnauzer. Dolly Too then Dolly Tres and now I have the next Schnauzer that Steve told me he wanted me to get. At the time, I refused. He knew I am a pushover for dogs. I’m glad you have a 19 month nephew to keep you smiling. Have a memorable celebration and God bless you for more years!😄🙏🏼

@dmb7 Thank you! I'm a girl lol 😊No kidding - the first while was a tough adjustment, seeing so many critical cases and death. But, on the flip side, there was also a lot of life and great joy. It kept me coming back to work each day and not always wanting to go home, either. As much as I've always wanted to have my own pet, I'm also very thankful that I haven't for exactly the reasons you're describing - with love, comes pain and grief. I've endured so much already, I could not possibly go thru that with a sweet animal that I'd be close with. So, I love on all my friends' ones 🙂 I'm SO glad you have that sweet little puppy in your life ♥ And yes, my little nephew is my whole world atm. He's the hope I needed to keep going.

@rivermaya34 My bad, sister 👩!
Thank you for clarifying this. Did you have a pleasant birthday?

@dmb7 Lol all good! No offense taken whatsoever 🙂 I didn't really get to do anything I wanted bc people kept calling me, so it was a bit exhausting in that capacity, but overall, it was nice bc I got to talk to a special friend + my nephew + I felt remembered & loved, for once. Definitely a change from most years. And, the grief seemed to stay away this round, too, but I'm sure it'll catch up to me soon lol. All good.

@rivermaya34
I know what you mean about feeling unloved. It took most of my years to realize that God never intended for us to feel unloved. I testified to that in my book that was finally published a few months ago. Our spirituality can be compromised by just feeling "unloved". This is the realization that I had to learn from looking at a fruit (the pineapple) and seeing the analogy of spirituality for my body, soul and mind.
Great that your birthday was remembered by people who love you. God created us to lean on each other for love. Only His children are capable of knowing what His love for us means. Sometimes and most always in my life as I confess--we forget that the only love we need is from our Lord and Savior. Father God is our first love, after all! He's the only one that will not ever forsake us. You are loved my friend.