Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@kordahl oh that’s another part of the story. My husband is always telling stories from his life before we were together. It’s the same stories he told me before we married. I thought i was getting to know him, but i keep hearing ths same for the last 50 years. It get’s very very old

@vgen We've been married for almost 60 years but the stories my husband tells are all from before that. And of course, they are the same stories all the time. If someone mentions when school starts here, he tells when school started in his hometown over 60 years ago and why, forgetting he taught school himself for 30 years and had a lot of first days. So, I hear you, sister.

@kordahl It's like I said in another post. I remember the few times my husband deflected, argued, and put it back on me. My adult son does it to me all the time, enough so, we don't talk much. Unfortunately, in a caregivers' situation, we don't have that option. When my husband gets ugly, I told him, ENOUGH, I'm going to bash your head in, again, not ladylike, not something you'd say, or recommend, but the tone of my voice, and how and the way I did it, the few times, seems to work for now. He shuts up, and doesn't go there.
Who knows, with this disease, tomorrow it will change. And you are correct, there's probably something in his childhood, where deflection, was always there. I notice it a lot where growing up the, children, now adults, may have come from a drinking household.
Best, karla

@bftennis Yes. I'd say you must force the issue.

@kordahl it’s the selfishness coming through.

@kordahl I love the just walk away if you can. I agree no one should have to take continued verbal abuse. Caregiving is tiring enough and the whole notion of who's right or wrong - is mute when we're up against all of this every day. Carry on, set boundaries if you can to preserve your own sanity. I know...easier said than done.
Best, Karla

It’s lonely, discouraging, and, if I’m not careful, hurts my self esteem. I’ve learned not to bring up any topics that might take energy to discuss. I’m making all the decisions now. It’s not what I used to do. When I fall back into old patterns of being nice or thinking of his feelings (which he doesn’t even know), I get into exhausting exchanges.

@tryingtimes10 I had to look twice to see if I had written this post. I see it's from 12/2024. How are things going for you? I'm married 52 years. I could have written your post verbatim. My husband's cognitive decline was noticed by the family years ago. This is not how we expected to spend our golden years, either. I've been searching for support from even one wife who understands, though I wouldn't wish this on any couple.
Thank you for posting. If you're still in this group, I would like to connect with you.