Finding Joy

Someone on this site recently recommended the book
CREATING MOMENTS OF JOY by Jolene Brackey
I just borrowed it from the public library.
It’s wonderful ! Short 2 page chapters. Practical, helpful and inspiring. I intend to order it from my local bookstore.

Gratia, the joy was always found in the little things. Such as when Ann would hold even the shortest cognitive conversation, when she smiled at something that pleased her, when she finished a meal, feeding herself, without help from me, mostly when she recognized me and called me by my name. So many little things that I recall, and continually wish she was still here for me to enjoy those small moments. As to resentment - I cannot recall anything that I was ever resentful over. However, mild frustration over certain oversights, and late arrivals of expected visits or items in the mail, etc. was no different than what it always is even under normal circumstances, it's easily managed and quickly forgotten. don't allow those get to you, that does no good and solves nothing. At that time in my life there was only one priority - resentment and frustration were not needed. Please, take care of yourself, don't allow those emotional reactions get in the way of your main goal - caring for your mother. Please, be kind to yourself don't allow your emotions to take control - pick up the phone, talk to someone close to you, someone who can help ease any those pains that interfere with the caring that is your life right now. Best to you Gratia, you are doing one of the hardest jobs any individual is ever assigned, but it is one that is appreciated by the one you love, and by all others who also know of the love that you are sharing with Mom. You will never regret your commitment to her.

Being in nature helps me find some peace. Reflecting back on positive shared experiences. My husband does not remember but thoroughly enjoys me talking about trips and other experiences we shared. Photos of those times might be helpful and also to remind of the better times with our loved ones.

@fred1 Thank you Fred~ you have a huge heart and so much compassion❤️.
I really need to work on the exhaustion, so it doesn’t get the best of me.

@gratia
This is a BIG question!
My therapist posed the same question (by the way, suggest you get a therapist experienced in working with caregivers).
I answered that I will grab onto any little scrap of joy thrown my way: a temporary rainbow that forms when I'm watering my plants in the sunlight; photos of our grandchildren, phone call from family, comedy on TV, baking (my passion, what's yours?), etc.
I try and make a big deal of noticing the little, joyful things, like a life preserver.
The resentment did fade after a few years, the exhaustion doesn't change but look for a few hours of respite when you can.
Good luck finding your joy, and a nap! 🫂

Look for the best way through.

@dederickve And, God guide you on your way through.

What a wonderful question. My husband and I found joy on Friday. I encouraged him to come with me to a museum. We took a NYC bus downtown and spend a few hours seeing some exhibits and having a lovely lunch. Then yesterday we took a drive so that my husband could get a haircut and we met friends for lunch. More joy….simple pleasures. Today our oldest granddaughter and her boyfriend are coming to our apartment for brunch. More joy. I am grateful I can still make these moments happen for both of us.

Unfortunately, in between the joyous moments are moments of great sadness, frustration, and resentment. Communicating with all of you helps.

@4goakley

Just borrowed this book on your recommendation and read only a small amount. So far, love it! Thank you for the recommendation.

@jenniferkr

I turn to nature for a smile. One lingering smile a day seems to lighten the heaviness of the day. Look for it. A butterfly, a chirping bird, a breeze through the treetops, etc. The tiniest interruption to your thoughts can bring that smile and that smile is a reset button.