Can anyone relate?

Let me say that just the trauma you have been through is enough for anyone person to be depressed I too come from parents that were alcoholics/drug abusers I have spent the majority of my life having pills crammed down my throat with none working. I can completely relate to over sharing with your children for the lack of no one to talk to and being upset when they leave you out of things. (Honestly I thought I was the only person in the world who does this) I have been told I was crazy the majority of my life and with all the “therapy” I have endured I have taken only one thing from it and that they can’t “fix” me. With that being said I stopped trying to fix myself and started trying to accept myself as I am. I went on a soul searching mission about 8 years ago and looked inward I started to meditate and following the teachings of Buddha in that I found a peace like I have never known in not saying it cured my depression but it drastically changed the way I look at my life and the world I stopped trying to fix myself because I learned that there is nothing wrong with me! NO ONE ON EARTH WILL BE A MORE PERFECT YOU! No one can be better at being you than you so what is there to fix? Also it helped me to stop caring about what others thought and with letting that go I stopped comparing myself to them. I can not relate to everything in your story but I can a lot of it and I hope that this helps you someway to become comfortable in your own skin Nameste beautiful soul

Dear Grasping,
Good Day. It can be a good day despite the turmoil and self loathing you may feel. The simple answer is gratitude. Try being thankful for one thing today. Maybe two tomorrow and three the next day etc. We are all pitifully full of flaws but also worthy of life as much as any other living being on this planet. 🌏 It sounds so simple it can’t possibly help, right? If nothing else has helped I just ask you to give it a try. I am glad you reached out here and I hope with all my being that you can find your rightful place in this crazy world. Sending you a smile and hope for a better day today.

It takes work and disappointment, but you can use the rest of your life to find fulfillment, peace, and the joy you deserve. I like the meditation suggestion.

Dear Grasping,
I'm so sorry that you have been through so much and feel so negative about yourself. That's so hard to deal with. I know how you feel about not liking your appearance. I never liked mine either and at 80, I still try and improve it with lipstick and sparkly earrings. However, I have noticed that I look better with a smile. Also you said you have no talent. Well, you do. You write very well! It's very interesting the way you write. I'd like to hear more!

My husband that I loved so much and was married to for 30 years died in 2024. All of a sudden my life was lonely and sad and I had no one. At my age, everyone we knew were already dead and up in Heaven. I have one son who hasn't spoken to me in over 20 years. Plus since I had taken care of my husband while he had lung cancer my house had gotten neglected and I had a lot of cleaning, window washing etc. to do all by myself! I couldn't afford to hire outside help. I felt devastated! However, I did the one thing I knew to do and that was to turn to God. It helped me immensely. God answered all of my prayers; even to finding me a next door neighbor who insisted on helping me with cleaning and house repairs at no charge! Give all your problems up to God. Just talk to him like he's your best friend and he is! He will work out all of your problems. Plus God is free and cares about you much more than any counselor you may see. I will say a prayer for you also.
I wish you the best.
PML

Wow, that sounds so much like me for most of my life, even now at 86. My parents weren't alcoholic, but they were very unemotional, I guess you could say. So, much so I doubted they even loved me. I guess I have always thought there was something wrong with me and that is why no one could love me. I found it impossible to relate to other people and spent much of my time by myself just riding my bike all over. My parents never seemed to be concerned about where I was or what I was doing so, I felt free to do whatever I wanted. I almost never did anything to get into trouble. When I got older, I still could not relate to others, I seemed to feel no one liked me so why bother....I guess. I was always self-conscious about how I looked, what I was wearing, if I said the wrong thing. So, I didn't say anything. Yes, I envied others who always seemed popular for reasons I could not understand. Anyway, two marriages gave me no satisfaction whatsoever. Both husbands didn't really seem interested in me as a person, only as someone they could get something from. I won't go into that. I only had two, maybe 3 people in my life who actually seemed to like me the way I was. They are long gone for different reasons, so at least I know what that feels like. Anyway, it wasn't until I was much older, and when I started to lose my eyesight that I began to "see" things in a different way. First, I decided to get a subscription to Audible Books, because I knew I couldn't read anymore. The first book I got, and still have, was the Book of Promise, which is a NKJV of the Bible. I began "reading" it every day. I still do. Something I never did when I could see. Like I said, I began to see things differently, and the first thing I realized was how self-centered I was. I was always thinking of myself, and how I looked, and would anyone like me. It was always me, me, me. When I watched others who didn't seem to have this problem, and who always was there for others, giving them a kind word, and encouraging them, I realized that was how I wanted to be, and stop focusing on myself. These people who were like this, were very popular, and even those who didn't look too "hot" themselves, or dressed funny, or all the things I tried to avoid looking like, but everyone loved them. Why? Because they were focused on others and not themselves. I still can't be around people, and in some way, I am almost happy that I am no longer able to be. But my focus has changed. I can relate to others who feel the way I have all myself. I understand how people can feel the way they feel, and I can try to give them encouragement, and pray for them when they are sick. There are so many people who are suffering in the world. They are much worse off than I am. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I will always have a problem talking with other people, and always feel out of place with others, but I won't focus on myself anymore and focus on those who are really suffering. I won't worry so much about what others think of me. By the way I think you are very fortunate to no longer have sexual desires. Even though I will never experience that pleasure with the man I love and who loves me with the same passion, I still desire it, and I wish those feelings would go away. So, if people don't like who I am that is their problem, not mine. I don't think I really explained this the way I wanted. There I go again. Anyway, reading the Bible every day helped me a lot and I am also able to focus on God much better than I ever did before, and I believe that has had a great deal to do with my change in focus. No, I don't think I said all of this very well. But, I hope it somehow helped in some way. Take care of yourself.

@jlynnd31 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! There are some awesome responses here, aren't there? What prompted you to become a member and post your words, if I may ask?
Ginger

@grasping You can see here, there indeed are others who can "relate" to your words. While we each have our own story, our own unique experiences, we have so many things in common. It's wonderful to read what people have done to work through their feelings of aloneness, isn't it?!

No one said it will be painless, or easy. Take those itty bitty steps, be gentle on yourself. You deserve it. And before you know it, you will be able to look back and see progress. Some days there might be more than other days, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Ginger

I appreciate all the responses I have gotten here. I am encouraged to know that people take the time to try and help a stranger. I must say that I have tried a lot of the suggested things. I will take some of the advice like meditation and will look honestly at myself and ask if I am thinking only about me. Religion has not helped me in the past but I can always try again. I have several family members that are so called Catholic Christians who are the meanest people I know, apparently they are not listening in church. I have tried to be positive and think about all I have, to give myself compliments. When I do this I feel like I am lying to myself, even trying to brainwash myself. All I have to do is look in the mirror and fall apart, I always come back to looks because if you have them people treat you like you matter. I know some people make up for looks with great personalities and other qualities but for some reason I focus on the physical, maybe easier to fix with surgery than somehow becoming talented. I have trauma from many things in my life that have further damaged me. I always come back to the thought of "how can I fix what was done to me as a child when my brain was forming"? It seems to be like asking a car that has been engineered to be a car to now figure out how to fly. I am happy that you all have found some peace and I will try everything that is suggested. I do think though that I may end up using alcohol or a drug to just to get a little relief from this horrible hurt I always feel. I laugh when doctors say do not use mind altering substances when they push drugs everyday and it is debatable if these prescribed drugs even work.
I seem to be discounting a lot of what you all have said, I do not mean to do that. I appreciate anyone that will take the time to respond to me. Thank you so much for the help.

@jlynnd31 This is the last post I read and before I did it was forming in my mind that “fixing” things has not been working for @grasping and maybe “accepting” could be an alternative approach ❤️‍🩹

Wonderful to see you put it out there as someone who has struggled. I’m not saying acceptance is a magic bullet and it too will take a lot of work. But different work.

It makes me very sad for @grasping that, for reasons I don’t understand and can’t relate to, life is so bleak 😢

What is it that makes some people battle for self acceptance and never manage it while and others do????? 💔

@grasping I have one other suggestion. If you are at all interested in exploring the spiritual, as in God, don't let others put up a roadblock by their bad behavior. Just start with the basics. Read the Bible and see what it says and don't go by what other people tell you it says. And meditation is good also. It is a more personal way of exploring the spiritual. But beware, and remember that the spiritual world is made up of both good and evil, just like the physical world. This is pretty clear in the Bible. Anyway, it is just a thought if you are thinking about these things. If you're not interested at this time....well, maybe sometime in the future you might be. Or not, it's up to you. You are in charge. No matter what you decide I hope you will start feeling better about yourself. That is what I want for you.