Can anyone relate?

First, I want to say that in my 67 years of life I have been to many Psychiatrists, therapists, doctors to try and get help for my lifelong depression, anxiety, very low self-esteem.
I have been on so many medications that have not worked because I have very severe IBS and cannot take them. I have read many self-help books. I have talked and talked, been honest and told everything. NOTHING has helped me and I get very frustrated with every website, chat, podcast that says get professional help with severe depression, this just does not work! I feel everyone is missing something or I am just too dense to understand what is told to me. I do not even think anyone I go to cares if they help me. I do not think I have been given the right diagnosis.
I will just say what I am going through daily and hope that someone out there can relate to me.
I look around and compare myself to everyone and come up short. I obsess all day, most every day, about how ugly I am, how stupid, boring. I feel like no one likes me. I am not fun, interesting or pretty, I think everything revolves around looks. I am very self-centered. I am shallow for thinking this way and hate that I cannot stop it. I have no talent and cannot do anything well.
I do not understand how people relate. I do not feel connected to anyone.
I am living with my ex-husband who drives me insane, although everyone else likes him. I am stressed because we do not like the same things, also, he wants sex and intimacy and I cannot give that to him, my body is too ugly, also I had to have a radical hysterectomy because of cancer and have no sex drive. This causes so much anxiety. I explained this all to him, but he does not understand. He tells me I am crazy. The reason I am living with him is because I cannot financially make it on my own and for some reason he wanted me back even after I left him.
I feel severe sadness when my 2 grown children do things without me. I cannot stop myself from pouring out my pain to my children because I have no one else to talk to. This makes me feel even worse. I am a horrible parent for doing this to my children.
The older I get the more bitter and angry I get because I have lived my life hating myself, wishing I could change everything about myself. I am angry that no one can help me. I am mad that others seem to like themselves, have friends, and have people that love them.
I try to tell myself to just live alone and not socialize with anyone. Do not look in the mirror so that I will not see myself. This is the only way I can live without losing my mind. Yet I want what others have so when I isolate myself, I end up crying all day.
I had alcoholic parents, I got married at 17 to get out of the house, I lost 2 children to crib death, I was born flat chested and all I ever wanted was to be pretty. I had implants that my body rejected several times so now, after having them removed, I look deformed. I have tried many surgeries to make myself look acceptable, be loveable.
I understand that many people have it worse than I. For some reason others deal with things, they grow up and do not put as much emphasis on looks. I cannot do that.
There are people who do not get help There are people that are just not nice. This is me.
Please, is there anyone out there who can relate?