Annoying little habits ?

Posted by Kathy @4goakley, 1 day ago

My husband has always displayed excellent manners, but since his Alzheimer’s diagnosis, he has developed some impolite habits, like spitting when we are walking outdoors. At the table, will pick at his teeth with his finger, or swish liquids around in his mouth before swallowing. I understand his brain doesn’t recognize these things as bad manners.
Reminders to avoid these behaviours are of course forgotten immediately !
Has anyone else experienced this ? Or have suggestions to handle it ?

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@4goakley
The only thing I have to add is choose your battles.
My (previously) extremely polite and well-mannered husband now shares his bathroom habits with me. I tell him unless he needs help I don't need to hear about his bowel movements. This is so out of character for my husband, and it's gross! It's like he's 8 years old or something.
Perhaps decide if this is a hill you want to die on, or choose your battles regarding his new habits.
If he's not harming himself or others, decide how important it is for you to have him display proper table manners.
Take care. 🌹

REPLY
Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@4goakley
The only thing I have to add is choose your battles.
My (previously) extremely polite and well-mannered husband now shares his bathroom habits with me. I tell him unless he needs help I don't need to hear about his bowel movements. This is so out of character for my husband, and it's gross! It's like he's 8 years old or something.
Perhaps decide if this is a hill you want to die on, or choose your battles regarding his new habits.
If he's not harming himself or others, decide how important it is for you to have him display proper table manners.
Take care. 🌹

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@judimahoney Once again you made me laugh although there is absolutely nothing funny about your husband wanting to keep you apprised of his daily bowel movements. I agree we have to choose our battles, but my God, there are so many of them. And so many strange quirks. At night, my husband moves his plate around and around to position the food, then destroys it cutting into every finite piece like a time-consuming project. By the time he gets through all of that, it's cold. Then the sun starts to go down, I suggest an evening walk - NO, it's too dark. One drop of rain, he wants to hibernate in the house. He doesn't have any desire to take a trip, absolutely no flying although I can't blame him with everything going on in planes right now! Now I'm noticing a - not so good - smell in his mouth. I have to book a dental cleaning for him, and I'm not sure how that's going to go down. Best, Karla

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@kjc48
You gotta laugh at their quirks so you don't cry, right?
I printed off business-size cards from the Association for Frontotemporal Dementia (AFTD) that briefly explain my husband's issue, and give it to the dental hygienist before he goes into his appointment, so they have a heads up to expect whatever unusual behaviors may exhibit while they're working on him.
Hope you have a good day. 🌞

REPLY
Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@4goakley
The only thing I have to add is choose your battles.
My (previously) extremely polite and well-mannered husband now shares his bathroom habits with me. I tell him unless he needs help I don't need to hear about his bowel movements. This is so out of character for my husband, and it's gross! It's like he's 8 years old or something.
Perhaps decide if this is a hill you want to die on, or choose your battles regarding his new habits.
If he's not harming himself or others, decide how important it is for you to have him display proper table manners.
Take care. 🌹

Jump to this post

@judimahoney You are partially correct in saying " It's like he is 8 years old or something". His speech may be like he is 8 years old, but his brain's control over previously learned impolite behaviors is like he's 2 years old. The brain degeneration occurs in different ways so loosing learned behaviors is not always the same.

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Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@kjc48
You gotta laugh at their quirks so you don't cry, right?
I printed off business-size cards from the Association for Frontotemporal Dementia (AFTD) that briefly explain my husband's issue, and give it to the dental hygienist before he goes into his appointment, so they have a heads up to expect whatever unusual behaviors may exhibit while they're working on him.
Hope you have a good day. 🌞

Jump to this post

@judimahoney Wow, you have an incredible amount of knowledge on all of this. Thank you for you and for sharing. Best, Karla

REPLY
Profile picture for kjc48 @kjc48

@judimahoney Once again you made me laugh although there is absolutely nothing funny about your husband wanting to keep you apprised of his daily bowel movements. I agree we have to choose our battles, but my God, there are so many of them. And so many strange quirks. At night, my husband moves his plate around and around to position the food, then destroys it cutting into every finite piece like a time-consuming project. By the time he gets through all of that, it's cold. Then the sun starts to go down, I suggest an evening walk - NO, it's too dark. One drop of rain, he wants to hibernate in the house. He doesn't have any desire to take a trip, absolutely no flying although I can't blame him with everything going on in planes right now! Now I'm noticing a - not so good - smell in his mouth. I have to book a dental cleaning for him, and I'm not sure how that's going to go down. Best, Karla

Jump to this post

@kjc48

Mine does the same thing! Wants to share his bathroom habits with me. He asked me to come "look" the other day. Huh-uh. No thank you. TMI.

He also started swishing the liquid in his mouth whether it be coffee, soda, Ensure. So strange. 🙃

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Profile picture for timber2026 @timber2026

@kjc48

Mine does the same thing! Wants to share his bathroom habits with me. He asked me to come "look" the other day. Huh-uh. No thank you. TMI.

He also started swishing the liquid in his mouth whether it be coffee, soda, Ensure. So strange. 🙃

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@timber2026 I guess he's proud of his bathroom accomplishments...OMG. Too funny. Best, Karla

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Profile picture for judimahoney @judimahoney

@4goakley
The only thing I have to add is choose your battles.
My (previously) extremely polite and well-mannered husband now shares his bathroom habits with me. I tell him unless he needs help I don't need to hear about his bowel movements. This is so out of character for my husband, and it's gross! It's like he's 8 years old or something.
Perhaps decide if this is a hill you want to die on, or choose your battles regarding his new habits.
If he's not harming himself or others, decide how important it is for you to have him display proper table manners.
Take care. 🌹

Jump to this post

@judimahoney I don’t mean really liked. . . But, sure like your outlook !

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