How to have the discussion of taking away the car keys?

@mtdt757
I started the conversation with my husband before he stopped driving, telling him his judgment was off and he was veering off course frequently. He would not be convinced that he needed to stop, and thought he was just fine.
The way it ended was horrible, and we and the other driver nearly lost our lives (so, no, he wasn't fine to drive anymore).
My husband has anosognosia along with his frontotemporal dementia, so the lack of self-awareness makes it challenging to convince him of anything.
The best advice I read from folks on this site is to have their doctor take away their license. Alternatively, you can anonymously report a person to the DMV, and they send a letter to them requesting they come in to take a physical driving test.
Good luck!

@judimahoney I lost my license when I was 90 years old. I lost my freedom the same day.

Driving is one of the hardest issues to deal with. My husband stopped driving last Summer. Our doctor had recommended it the year before when he was still under the MCI diagnosis but that was too soon, even I acknowledged that. Last Summer saw a lot of decline in his mental abilities and even he realized he needed to give it up. He still had the want to…and when he would get angry he would demand his truck key to which I would always say no. Well, recently he wanted to go somewhere, he didn’t know where, just knew he had to go. To settle him down I offered to take him for a drive in his truck. In the process of getting ready to leave he took the key from me. I told him if he started the truck and tried to leave I would call the Sheriff’s Dept. He sat in it for a long time and I watched from the house. I noticed he was turning the lights on and off but never started the truck. He finally got out and came in. I was able to get the key back. The next time we got in the truck he wanted me to show him how to start it. I realized then he had forgotten how to put the key in the ignition and start it. A blessing for me, but at the same time I felt so sad for him. He bought his truck nearly ten years ago. He loved it, and loved to drive it…now it’s just something else this disease has stolen from him.
If you think your husband will be reluctant to give up the keys and stop driving ask your doctors to handle it so there will be no hard feelings between you.

I was so lucky in how this went for us. During the pandemic we found that we weren't driving his car (our older one) enough to keep it running. We decided we could get by with one car since we pretty much went everywhere together and we got rid of his. He wasn't able to figure out the new features of the newer car. He couldn't operate the wipers or the cruise control. He started being resistant to any route where he would have to back up. He, too, could not remember what to do to start the car. One day not long after we were down to the one car I said that it would be better if I did all the driving from now on. I didn't take his keys but he hasn't ever tried to use them except to unlock the car. Thank you, Lord, for making this easy. It is, however a real pain only having one driver in the family!

My husband with MCI has a nine year old car. I keep telling him to buy a new care because I wonder how long he will be able to drive and just want him to have the pleasure of a new car. Now I am wondering if he would be able to even handle figuring out a new car. The car he drives now is an Audi. I think if he gets a new car he should just get a new Audi. Hopefully a lot less to figure out.

@rochrsalley81 Although it's nice to dream about him driving a new car, his disease makes that not reality. It's important to completely evaluate him as he is today and prepare for what the future might bring. Safety has to be our biggest concern. Just be aware that his driving could kill him or even worse someone else.

@gilkeswe took the keys for a week asked the dr and he said he should have a drivers ed give him a test he passed it He is driving but I watch him . We have been fine.. the drivers ed gave the test free I guess he could see my concern

He absolutely has no issue with driving. Does MCI always progress? His doctor said he has been stable for a long time and that often when it progresses this slowly it will stabilize. I am hoping that this is true

@labrown I read this too and get sad, as it makes me think, like your husband's truck, my husband has his boat, that's just sitting on the dock, more like a haven for birds to land than avid fisherman who got so much joy from being on the water. It breaks my heart, to not be able to see him take it out. And even so, still have it sitting at the dock, something else I will have to deal with when we move out of this rental. He likes to playhouse on the boat (at the dock) Yes, everything changes. There always feel like so little time with this disease and the not knowing what comes next is hard. Thanks for your post, and the suggestion about "giving up the keys" whether a truck or boat! Best, Karla

@kjc48
It was a sad day when we sold my husband's boat. Little by little most of his interests or passions have dwindled and yup, I'm left to deal with it all.
It's just little cuts over and over, leaving a bigger and bigger gaping wound. 😞