Husband diagnosed last April. He recently is beginning to understand

Posted by blisst @blisst, 3 days ago

What it means. Up until now he seemed to be unfazed by being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. (Both his parents had dementia so he does understand what happened with them.) Recently he has been very saddened by it. He is crying about leaving me (when the inevitable happens). I cry too as I don’t want to lose him. I try to reassure him that we don’t know how everything will play out, he could live for years (he has asked how long he has, I tried to tell him no one really knows as we are all different). How can I help him face this? How do I face this?

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ocdogmom | @ocdogmom | 1 day ago

Thank you for your kind words Karla. I think it is so important that we reach out to support each other on this website. I think that only someone that is a dementia caregiver to their spouse truly understands the challenges and pain of this"long goodbye", and the ambiguous grief that we live with.
I also believe that as dementia progresses we can be the shelter in the storm for our partners. When they can't figure something out, can't find the right words, are confused or frightened of something- new people, new places- they can look to us much as a small child looks to their parent for solace and a sense of safety. I learned in my Positive Approach to Caregiving classes that this is why some dementia patients will "shadow" their partner. As long as we are physically close to them they feel safe.
And for me, as long as I am physically close to him, I am at peace knowing that he is safe and with Gods's help I will deal with whatever issue comes up. I also know that at some point I will lose him probably mentally first, then physically when he passes so I don't want to miss any time with him as long as he still knows who I am. God bless you and your husband.