My husband refuses to do any of the things they suggest to help.

Having someone to sit and do his interests with him is needed it sounds like. Encouragement to do so, or have someone else to, while he is at the place he is. There will come a time someone will need to do things you know he likes without him being able to verbalize it. I took care of my Daddy until he passed last year. Just do what he can with him, or get a break and have someone come in to help him. It's great he can say something he'd like to do! He just needs some help and company doing it.

@agnes01 Maybe you or your son could check with local senior organizations to see if anyone offers visitors or companions. Maybe one can hang out with him, and with your son's notes, help him gain confidence in scanning the photos.

I'm going to open a "hornet nest" here. When my sister and I were focused on caring for our Mom in her assisted living apartment while still working and helping our young adult kids, we were always trying to get everything done.

One day she said to me "You never have time to visit with me" and went on to express that she would rather have clothes laying on a chair, or a messy kitchen, so I had time to just talk. After that, I realized my bustling around made her feel lonelier, and tried to slow down. We would take a walk, play a game of cards, I would join her table for lunch, or just chat and she was so much happier.

Maybe your husband is trying to say he wants your company and attention? Especially reminiscing about the pictures while scanning?

This isn't the world of logic and isn't the place for expectation. It is the world of emotion and the place for acceptance. He may want to remember the past with you.
Can't blame him about the crossword puzzles.

@sueinmn
Thank you so much for taking the time to wirte. I understand what you are saying and it's good advice. My husband and I talk a lot. He really wanted to scan these photos, but I think it will be better just to forget it and not stress over it. Thank you. Mary

@lm2026
Thank you for writing to help. It has been hard for me to accept that he doesn't want to try. This must be part of the illness. Maybe he's afraid he will fail, or just doesn't have the initaiative anymore to try. Thank you. I appreciate you help. Mary

@gently Thank you for your helpful words. Lowering my expectations will be a huge help. Mary

@sueinmn I love this. Sue this is exactly how I feel about our adult children. That hornet nest you mentioned......and one that always feels like they never have time to visit with us, or talk to us. especially so essential when we're going through caregiver with our loved ones. Thanks for reminding us, that just being there, with that touch, feel and loving facial gestures, is sometimes all we need in this "world of busy."
Best, Karla

Gosh, I know it's tiring, to always have to "be there" - as a caregiver - but my initial reaction is to do it with until he no longer knows you're there or he becomes disinterested. Or engage a care companion for a few hours to give you a break! I remember on Father's Day pulling out a box of pictures with my husband and looking at trinkets, his long-ago important papers and pictures. I can't even begin to tell you - the joy on his face when I opened up that box at breakfast and we started going through every item. He remembered, and knew, talked about it. And I could tell it meant so much to him, and to me. Best, Karla

Hi Karla,
Our son came today to help him. It is such a relief to have this help and break. I know what you are saying and I appreciate your writing me. Having a break from helping is the key to not being impatient. Mary

@gently Yes, the "world of emotion and the place for acceptance" so well put, and just being able to create those moments that @memoriestomoments talked about. It's so easy to drive ourselves nuts over the same repetitive questions, the craziness when you get in a car and they get so anxious, the disrupts at the PC when they know they're not at full capacity, yet they somehow make you feel inept. With all that said, at least they're here, still talking, and/or can even get in the car. Too many people on this site have lost their loved ones form this disease and it's sad, really sad. My heart goes out to every one of them. This is confusing, but this I know: I just want to hang onto my husband as long as I can in this together - whatever together means as we move through this, for better or for worse. Best, Karla