Lack of impulse control and empathy

@marketlink I think the days of playing with Papa and a soaker gun are over. With a spouse that can't logically reason, and/or obviously doesn't realize that he could be inflicting pain shooting the granddaughter in the face he loves with water. He's obviously not aware, or he wouldn't be doing it, to the little girl he truly loves to the moon and back. Many of the caregivers on this site post how aggressive some of their spouses can get, yet those spouses love their partner too. This disease is so baffling, and frightening, especially for a small child who wants to just play with Papa. What took place for you, hasn't happened to me, with a water gun, but there have been other things where my husband's judgement is way off, and his reasoning and logic are no longer there. We, therefore, have to change the way we do things. Retire the water gun...and find a happy, more calming way for her to engage with her beloved Papa. Best, Karla

Hello and hugs:
That lack of executive functioning means even though he loves your grandchild it doesn't mean he can figure out he's hurting her. There is a lack of empathy, so her crying didn't trigger any empathy.
My husband is the same, no reaction to my strong emotions. They just don't have the capacity to care.
Now you know you just can't leave him alone with the grandkids anymore if he's acting inappropriately.
I absolutely hate this lack of empathy. My husband's brother died a year ago. There were no tears, no discussion and no mourning. He wouldn't even accept a hug. 😪
So sorry we are going through this. I hope your grandchild was able to understand what happened on some level. 🫂

I’m so sorry that this happened to you and your granddaughter! It must have been so upsetting for both of you, I haven’t had this same circumstance, however my grandchildren are often visiting and I have had situations where my husband’s lack of executive function, lack of impulse control and absent empathy has caused me concern about how he is interacting with the children. It is definitely a worry for me - I feel like I never know when he might say something from mildly odd to wildly inappropriate. My husband is extremely sedentary now, so is less likely to engage in any physical activity such as in your story, but I feel like I can still relate.
I have talked with the grandkids and given them an age-appropriate explanation for Papa’s illness.
“Papa has an illness that makes his brain work differently. His brain is like a radio that sometimes has a fuzzy signal. Some days it’s clear, and some days it’s harder for him to think, talk, remember things, understand or move his body. If he forgets something or says or does something that doesn’t make sense, or seems crazy, you don’t have to argue. You can just smile and change the subject or ask a grown-up for help.”
I also try not to leave them alone with him, which isn’t hard since he shadows me continuously. I also try to have the grandkids come and visit in the afternoon while he is taking his daily 3 hour nap. While this decreases their time together, it makes it less worrisome for me, and he doesn’t really miss the time with them (or appreciate it when he does have time with them as far as I can see).
It’s definitely a tough situation and I don’t really want to isolate my husband from the kids but I also don’t want to risk him getting out of hand and causing the kids upset if I can avoid it. It’s so much work to try to manage all of this!
Blessings! ❤️