After treatment: Unclear where there is support, feel isolated

I get it Dana once you’re done with your treatments and surgery. Everyone thinks your back to normal. I feel good most of the time. But you have days you don’t. I had my surgery first week of January 2025 and finished my chemo in April of 2025. I didn’t have immunotherapy didn’t need it. But I still have dumping once in awhile and days I’m fatigued. So I know where you’re coming from. Hang in there it will be get better! Scott

I talked to a therapist who specializes in cancer patients and was herself treated for cancer. I’m very tired of answering the “how are you “ and choose to ignore it and change the subject. Frankly I’m so sick of me and this disease. More than anything I hate “positive attitude “
“your so strong “,etc. I’m functioning on anger fumes to fuel my motivation.

I suppose support groups such as this are the best places to find those experiencing what we do. Yet, there is no substitute for in person contact. Friends, family, and, curiously, even your doctor, are made uncomfortable when a cancer patient discusses their emotional travels. Best wishes and healing to you!

I don't know if this is helpful or not. I was both anxious and down about a year after surgery. I was constantly dwelling on worst case scenarios of recurrence, death, etc. I went on the Psychology Today website and read some articles pertaining to dealing with cancer. One article in particular was helpful. It basically laid out that I had one of two choices. I could live the rest of my life dying or I could choose living each day as best I could. I know that's cliche, but there wasn't a third option. One thing I found that helps is giving back to the community. I got certifications in personal training and donate my services free of charge at my local Y. I get to help others, stay healthy and have a sense of purpose. This is a tough ride so I realize the mental health part is challenging. I sincerely hope you find a way to feel better.

Thanks for listening.
Geoff

Thanks to everyone for support. I think what adds to this is also a funny coincidence...I actually am a therapist for work. So when I say I am the person who people rely on for support...I am not kidding.... 🙂
I suppose things ebb and flow as these things all do...part of the new normal. I also recognize that it is not everyone not being supportive...it is really just a few people who just want to hear that I am "fine" all the time.
I think more than anything I am in that early recovery fear of recurrance and not always knowing where to go with that fear.

Dana, I am not the patient, I am the wife, but this I totally understand what you are going through. This is what I wrote a couple of days ago replying to a patient having eating problems: my husband is 5 years (!) after his surgery and chemo, and he still is not hungry, does not have any appetite and does not enjoy food at all. Due to zincbisglycitate and magnesimbisglycitate he at least has hardly any diarrhea anymore and hardly any dumps, but he is totally under the weather ...yesterday was a bad day, but the 2 weeks before were great. It really takes a lot of time, some don't have any problems others have them for years. But try different supplements, please do so, especially bacteria, vitamins, and magnesium bisglycinateand zinc bisglycinate, not the usual magenisium. Zinc is so important, and we learned this only 4 weeks ago. Since he is taking zinc bisglycinate, he increasingly feels better.....it is a long way, but you will get there...and NEVER EVER give up!!!!!!! ...I know this is not what you were asking for, I only wanted to show you that after 5 years he still feels miserable, he is getting better, though, really much so, but there are day where life is a burden for him, although he is grateful for his second chance, but life is still not easy for him. So, you already get support here, and I am also here to help from a non-patient but affected by it person, so anytime you want to talk, just go ahead. We are all here for you! And we know how you are feeling. You all have one of the most difficult surgeries and chemos behind you (hopefully) and life should feel better than ever, but due to what you have lost microbiom wise and psycholically, the way is long and hard, but it is worth it. Looking forward to help and support you all anytime!!!! Big hug to all of you from the distance

I just said the exact same thing to my buddy here in the office this morning. I just had my chemo port removed yesterday. Man o man does my chest hurt this morning. but other than that and the major weight loss everyone thinks I'm good to go. Let me tell you I know you are not OK because there is so much more going on with me and you. I don't know if you can message me but my wife and myself would like to chat about our current situation. thanks
Steve

@deemold, I can imagine that needing/want support or understanding from others is a reversal of roles that stands your world on its head. You're usually the listener, the shoulder, the guide. I bet the burden of people expecting you to bounce back to be the reliable rock is annoying to say the least.

Where does one go with fear of recurrance? That's a good question. As a therapist, how to guide people dealing with fear? Are there any parallels to draw on?

More than anything- both professionally and personally, it's about validation. The fear is so very real for all of us- I don't let it run my life, but rather accept that is is there...and in fact, likely normal given going though and living with cancer/treatment/surgery/etc.
Sites such as these are a solid source for validation that what I am thinking/experiencing is normal...Things just feel sideways when my loved ones either cannot validate that something might be scary for me. I am often just seeking a solid "That makes sense" or "Of course you would feel that way"....rather than the typical response about how I am strong or that "You can't think that way".
If I had crawled into a hole I'd get the desire to try and pull me out of it...but honestly, since that was not the case, the fact that people feel the desire to blow sunshine up my ass at times is exhausting. I get it...and I know it is well meaning....but still....

My only thought would be to not think about what others think. Of course people want you to be 100%. That’s normal. You’re not alone with that. I have esophageal cancer, and I had part of my esophagus removed. It’s a long road. What was normal, is in the past. I live in a new normal now, or whatever it’s considered. The nutritionist I have always tells me relax, take your time, and enjoy your food. I am trying, it’s not easy.
Don’t think you’re alone though, many of us are here with you.