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After treatment: Unclear where there is support, feel isolated
Hello everyone- I've posted before- most recently on struggling with the decision to stop immunotherapy (I did). ..I am a 51 year old woman, diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer in July 2025. I had my esophagectomy Nov 2025...and by what most people can see- I am "back to normal"- exercising and working, the only visible is some scars and the weight loss.
The issue I'm having is that everyone assumes that since I now look fine, I am fine. I had a village of support while in treatment and immediately around surgery...but it has been the post surgical world that has been a major challenge and when I try to discuss it with family and friends, I typically receive a reminder of just how fine I "should" feel...or that they seem to need validation from me that I am OK. I am having frequent eating and digestive issues (delayed dumping, frequent dilations due to strictures) resulting in procedures and other nonsense, had a horrible time with immunotherapy and had to quit it after 3 months, and really just don't always feel to great. I know many of you get it.
I know it is normal that I feel how I feel....but I don't know how to feel that way and feel isolated because everyone around me does not seem to be OK with me not being 100%. :(.
I suppose this is more of a rant than a discussion...but thank you for entertaining it.
Dana
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I get it Dana once you’re done with your treatments and surgery. Everyone thinks your back to normal. I feel good most of the time. But you have days you don’t. I had my surgery first week of January 2025 and finished my chemo in April of 2025. I didn’t have immunotherapy didn’t need it. But I still have dumping once in awhile and days I’m fatigued. So I know where you’re coming from. Hang in there it will be get better! Scott
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1 ReactionI talked to a therapist who specializes in cancer patients and was herself treated for cancer. I’m very tired of answering the “how are you “ and choose to ignore it and change the subject. Frankly I’m so sick of me and this disease. More than anything I hate “positive attitude “
“your so strong “,etc. I’m functioning on anger fumes to fuel my motivation.
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2 ReactionsI suppose support groups such as this are the best places to find those experiencing what we do. Yet, there is no substitute for in person contact. Friends, family, and, curiously, even your doctor, are made uncomfortable when a cancer patient discusses their emotional travels. Best wishes and healing to you!
I don't know if this is helpful or not. I was both anxious and down about a year after surgery. I was constantly dwelling on worst case scenarios of recurrence, death, etc. I went on the Psychology Today website and read some articles pertaining to dealing with cancer. One article in particular was helpful. It basically laid out that I had one of two choices. I could live the rest of my life dying or I could choose living each day as best I could. I know that's cliche, but there wasn't a third option. One thing I found that helps is giving back to the community. I got certifications in personal training and donate my services free of charge at my local Y. I get to help others, stay healthy and have a sense of purpose. This is a tough ride so I realize the mental health part is challenging. I sincerely hope you find a way to feel better.
Thanks for listening.
Geoff