Is it ok to feel angry?

@steiny1941 Yes! Especially if you are his person helping him. A lot of times they are not aware of their behavior! I have been a Caregiver for 13 year’s! Sadly I lost my sweetheart to Parkinson's over 2 months ago! I would give anything to be able to see and talk with him! He was my best friend and a wonderful person! Parkinson’s stole him from me! One good thing is he isn’t suffering anymore!

@kjc48

Yes, Karla. Choosing gratitude is life-affirrming. A martini or glass of wine helps, too.

To begin means there will be sn end. Who knows what the end will be. I won't get a dog, mainly for the reason I will love it, and probably outlive it(?). I don't want that sadness. Or if it outlives me. I'd have to say goodbye, wonder who will take care of it, and feel like I "Let him down" by leaving. So, no dog
But you can't apply this to a life. We commit. We invest. We enjoy. We connect. We love. We LIVE.
Living takes courage because (we know) things will end. (Painful things too) . The Hero's Journey.
A few things: If we have not thrown ouselves into Life, our Life, we haven't lived. We'd have no memories (which also fade and disappear to yhr default state of glorious nothingness (A blank page or canvass).
Life would miss the MEANING we bring to it, and the meaning it gives back to us.
But we have the gift of NOW. Embrace it. Relish it, because as Monty Python says "It's not now. It's gone. Oh wait! NOW? No that's gone too."
If I am with the person I love, or not love, this is our now. It may not be what my ego wants, but it is what it is.

@shmerdloff

As I have privately shared with you, I have been married three times. A colleague once remarrked to me about my second husband, a retired: "He's a prince-of-a man. He's a judge's judge." My response: I am a three-car garage.

I have loved. I have lived. I do not fear death.

Caring for someone like George numbs me at best and creates resentment at worst, but being a part of this community rekindles the feeling of warmth and tenderness that makes live worth living. Thank you, @shmerdloff, and thank the rest of the members of our special community.

George's Wife

P.S. I don't need my biological family (my sister said she didn't want to help Declan's family because "they are financially well-off")--but I need this community. People like you restore my faith is humanity. Thanks for contributing to cancer research on behalf of Declan, and for being moved and inspired by his life. I post this only to help others develop a better mindset, not to solicit contributions:
https://www.mibagents.org/family-funds/declan

@sillyblone

I am so sorry for your lost. Thank you for continuing to support us despite that lost.

Love,

George's Wife

@georgescraftjr Hot damn, I'm having a cold glass of Pino Grigio! Wish you were here!
Best, Karla

Hi:
My repeated phrase in my head, when things aren't going well is, 'Be a better person' that I say when I'm feeling bad about blowing up at my husband and losing my temper at some behavior that he can't control.
I try many different things in the moment:
-remind myself of the nuggets I've learned at training, and if a few strategies don't work I...
-walk away after ensuring my husband is in a safe space, if I find myself losing my temper
-find something I like to do, like baking or watching a Rom Com
-journal or read
-go outside and breathe
-pet our dog
All the best to you. 🌺

Good morning @gratia

My opinion, (so take it for what it’s worth), is that anger is a normal part of the grief process, so yes, it’s okay to feel angry as we grieve the loss of the person, their health, our plans, our lives. What’s not okay is to get “stuck” there and not be able to move through the process. The tough part with this long term dementia situation is that it continues over time and it seems to me that there is always new “losses” to grieve, so anger can pop back up as the decline continues- even when I think I have moved past it! I suppose the degree of anger in relation to the situation or loss should be somewhat commensurate as well. Minor annoyance at having to help with simple tasks that my husband could to yesterday but struggles with today might be understandable, but if it puts me into an angry rage, that’s seems like I have moved into the “unhealthy” anger range.
I’m not sure if my thoughts are of any help but that’s what’s coming up for me these days!
Blessings

@gratia
Hello:
In response to your query, how can you keep it together and start over when this ends?
I can only speak from my sister's point of view who lost her husband to cancer in her early 60s.
She went through stages after my brother-in-law passed, just like we are. There was the expected sadness, and tons of crying; she does retail therapy and has been buying things she probably doesn't need (but it makes her feel good).
She took a lover to combat loneliness and started getting out and enjoying her life again. She got two cats and enjoys spoiling them. She's traveled overseas and domestically several times. She lavishes attention on her garden and has created a visual paradise. She writes about her feelings and blogs.
Anyway, my sister has just carried on, recreating herself in her new, single life and is still sad, but carries on.
I try to imagine what life will be like on the flip side, but there are so many unknowns I need a crystal ball.
Something that was said in a grief class I took, is that we are all becoming new people. The way we respond to our loved ones, and how we manage has changed us.
What shall we become today?
Hugs all around. ☺️