How do you caregive when someone with dementia has been unfaithful?

My husband’s infidelity was around the same time all of the anger stage was happening in the disease process with the Parkinson’s with Lewy Body dementia. It was a horrible time in my life on many levels and he was only making it worse. Somehow, I stayed with him through all of it to try to heal our relationship which had been so great before all this. We never really got to full healing as his disease progressed and he lost so much of who he was. I don’t think he remembers what he did to me and how he destroyed something beautiful we had, so he doesn’t feel any remorse or responsibility for what he did and how much he hurt me. I have been working on forgiveness for my own well being even though I honestly don’t think he deserves forgiveness, or that he deserves me for that matter (if I am being honest). He has no other strong relationships in his life, his kids are estranged and mine tolerate him for my sake - he never worked on building relationships with them. It’s been very hard for me to accept that I am committed to caring for someone who is genuinely unworthy. But then I remember all that Jesus did for me and that I am unworthy of His level of sacrifice also. And so I carry on. Everyday, I make a decision to do this caregiver role and give him the best possible life he can have in his situation, and try to balance that with time with my loved ones and activities that I can enjoy also. My heart is still broken over what happened and I feel like I lost my trusted partner when the infidelity happened, and the dementia has taken the friend I used to love to talk with and joke with, and now I’m just caring for the “what’s left” of the man I fell in love with 20 plus years ago. Some days I just can’t believe that this is my life and where we have ended up. I’m sad at a bone deep level about all of it, but I can’t change the past and unlike him, I don’t have the luxury of just “forgetting about it”, so I just live with it (“It” being the knowledge of the betrayal, lies, humiliation, pain, disappointment, anger, and shame of the infidelity). It’s not a situation that I would ever wish on anyone, and not knowing how much longer this is going to last doesn’t make it any easier. It helps to know that I am not the only one dealing with this in addition to the caregiver role for someone with dementia. Thank you for starting this thread and to everyone who is sharing their experiences. You helped more than you know. It’s not exactly something I want to bring up with other people, but sharing it here is cathartic and helpful.
Blessings

@timber2026 It definitely helps to have a sense of humor…if I couldn’t laugh I would be 😭!

@labrown

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@mm180 You said it all. My spouse remembers what he did because it went on so long and he remember her. I too have worked on forgiveness. I am very spiritual and I have forgiven him because it was about him. He apologizes and says how much he loves me. I have lots of support and our blended family is wonderful. They know all about it. His kids treat me great and would put him in a home in a minute. He does not deserve my love and ruined something beautiful. The girlfriend was a therapist--can u imagine. However, she is a lonely old women now. Thanks for responding. Jeannie C