Depression, fibromyalgia and spinal degeneration

Hello @virtuous69 Nice to e-meet you here even under your difficult conditions. I am Scott and while my wife battled brain cancer for 14+ years I was her primary caregiver. Lost my job for the last five of it and was just caregiving.

It is good to know you are both at least of age to be covered under Medicare! My wife and I were too young for it and that added a whole different level of stress. Caregiving and chronic conditions are taxing for anyone, especially when it involves our loved ones. I am not a medical care professional at all, so I only speak from my personal experiences.

My wife and I had to give up all of our help during her illness as well. It was always a house of cards, where the smallest change or expense would add stress and cause the house to shudder, shake, fall apart a bit, but thankfully we were able to keep going. Maintenance went on full-time delay 🙂 Not only for our house, but also for me. Do you know if your area has any nonprofits that offer hearing aid assistance? That might help. I know from my own hearing loss it can be quite exasperating and frustrating for both sides of a conversation and cause even more feelings of isolation.

I had to totem everything we did based on my wife's needs. For a variety of reasons most of our friends and family departed from our lives and our community is one of mostly second homes so the local support was nonexistent. We worked hard on maintaining just a few, cherished friendships, mostly long distance, as best we could. We ended up with one each, but they were lifesavers to each of us at different times.

Quality, private time is a hard thing to come by when you have a loved one dependent on you, that is for sure. I never figured that one out, except I took to getting up at 2 am so I had a couple of solitary hours to myself before my wife's next medicines, etc. Clearly not a viable option for all, but it worked for me and now I find I am actually a morning person (for the first time in my life) and I like it.

I wish there was a magic button or potion, perhaps a genie in a lamp to help in these situations. Moving can sometimes be an option, but in our case the market for homes in our area was not able to afford us that as an option.

Have you contacted your local Office on Aging? Are you or your husband a veteran? The VA has some good resources too.

Peace & Strength

Hello @virtuous69 Nice to e-meet you here even under your difficult conditions. I am Scott and while my wife battled brain cancer for 14+ years I was her primary caregiver. Lost my job for the last five of it and was just caregiving.

It is good to know you are both at least of age to be covered under Medicare! My wife and I were too young for it and that added a whole different level of stress. Caregiving and chronic conditions are taxing for anyone, especially when it involves our loved ones. I am not a medical care professional at all, so I only speak from my personal experiences.

My wife and I had to give up all of our help during her illness as well. It was always a house of cards, where the smallest change or expense would add stress and cause the house to shudder, shake, fall apart a bit, but thankfully we were able to keep going. Maintenance went on full-time delay 🙂 Not only for our house, but also for me. Do you know if your area has any nonprofits that offer hearing aid assistance? That might help. I know from my own hearing loss it can be quite exasperating and frustrating for both sides of a conversation and cause even more feelings of isolation.

I had to totem everything we did based on my wife's needs. For a variety of reasons most of our friends and family departed from our lives and our community is one of mostly second homes so the local support was nonexistent. We worked hard on maintaining just a few, cherished friendships, mostly long distance, as best we could. We ended up with one each, but they were lifesavers to each of us at different times.

Quality, private time is a hard thing to come by when you have a loved one dependent on you, that is for sure. I never figured that one out, except I took to getting up at 2 am so I had a couple of solitary hours to myself before my wife's next medicines, etc. Clearly not a viable option for all, but it worked for me and now I find I am actually a morning person (for the first time in my life) and I like it.

I wish there was a magic button or potion, perhaps a genie in a lamp to help in these situations. Moving can sometimes be an option, but in our case the market for homes in our area was not able to afford us that as an option.

Have you contacted your local Office on Aging? Are you or your husband a veteran? The VA has some good resources too.

Peace & Strength

@virtuous Hi Dori, I agree with what Kanaaz said with regards to the 'big picture'. It is easy to get overwhelmed when things have gotten away from you. I break my tasks down into small ones. I find that if I compartmentalize each thing or area, I do better. For example, when deciding what to tackle in your home: you could say to yourself, 'Just for today, all I have to do is Scrub the toilet. That's it. Next say, "all I have to do is , scrub the bathroom sink. Then, the next day give yourself a small task. Then, everyday give yourself a small task. Delegate to your husband too. You said his back hurts, let him fold laundry on the sofa. A little bit here and a little bit there gets the job done. One feels better when they are busy. That is my take anyway. Hugs, Terri

@virtuous Dori - Fortunately, the "Helper Gremlins" of MayoConnect delivered your typo'ed @ catgig to @catgic, me. Thank you for the "Blessings." Clearly, you all have had, and are having a tough medical and financial row to hoe. It appears that you have the yin and yang of your marital relationship with your husband worked out to your mutual satisfaction...this is good.

FYI: In both my professional Warfighting Navy life and Techno-Geek life, I have lived and worked in Silicon Valley...Moffett-Sunnyvale, Mountain View, and Palo Alto, and the contiguous area, thereto. So my bride of 55 Blissful Emerald "Double Nickels" years and I are quite familiar with the Silicon Valley & San Francisco Peninsula area, culture, and cost of living. We also had occasion to have resided for a couple years, 90-miles down the PCH in Monterey-Carmel.

In the highest traditions of 1960's Hippy Dippy Culture let me encourage you to Keep On Keeping' On facing your challenges. We shall put you all in our prayers.

As I write this note to you, Big Bad & Über Blustery CAT 5+ Hurricane Irma has the State of Florida in her cross-hairs. Irma is still many days away from wherever she may be headed, but it has not stopped CNN, FoxNEWS, the local media, the public leadership from stirring the up the Florida citizenry into an anticipatory frenzy of fear. Back in the simpler, innocent "Good Old Small Government" times, folks were told buy some candles, to fill their bath tubs up to the top with water, and hunker down to ride out The Big Blow. For the record, my wife and I are not one of those "Citizen Chickens Running Around With Our Heads Cut Off." We have been there and done that before.

Let me share a personal hurricane-related anecdote. Back in September 1960, a month after I first met my Teen Queen Goddess Wife, I was a 19-years old teenaged @catgic sailor who was baptized into Florida Hurricane living with a heavy-weather Hurricane “Donna” drenching down on Boca Chica Key in the Florida Keys. Donna blew through the Florida Key, and in the process, blew out the main water line supplying the Florida Keys with water from up Miami way. Without plentiful running fresh water available, I had to wash my person and sweat-soaked Navy Dungarees in the ocean surf of the Florida Straits off Key West using special “Navy Issue Salt Water Soap.” This salt-water washing ritually completed my King Neptune Baptism to make me a lifelong favored Shellback’ed acolyte of King Neptune and the Weather Gods from then on. Bottom-Line…@catgic Knowz Hurricanes (Earth Quakes & Other Random Acts Of God & Man), and never has, and does not, live in fear of any of them.

Anyhoo, I remain the “Honey Do Love Slave For Life” to my “Honey, When You Have Time...Can You…???” Goddess Wife, and all is right in the world.

@virtuous Dori - Fortunately, the "Helper Gremlins" of MayoConnect delivered your typo'ed @ catgig to @catgic, me. Thank you for the "Blessings." Clearly, you all have had, and are having a tough medical and financial row to hoe. It appears that you have the yin and yang of your marital relationship with your husband worked out to your mutual satisfaction...this is good.

FYI: In both my professional Warfighting Navy life and Techno-Geek life, I have lived and worked in Silicon Valley...Moffett-Sunnyvale, Mountain View, and Palo Alto, and the contiguous area, thereto. So my bride of 55 Blissful Emerald "Double Nickels" years and I are quite familiar with the Silicon Valley & San Francisco Peninsula area, culture, and cost of living. We also had occasion to have resided for a couple years, 90-miles down the PCH in Monterey-Carmel.

In the highest traditions of 1960's Hippy Dippy Culture let me encourage you to Keep On Keeping' On facing your challenges. We shall put you all in our prayers.

As I write this note to you, Big Bad & Über Blustery CAT 5+ Hurricane Irma has the State of Florida in her cross-hairs. Irma is still many days away from wherever she may be headed, but it has not stopped CNN, FoxNEWS, the local media, the public leadership from stirring the up the Florida citizenry into an anticipatory frenzy of fear. Back in the simpler, innocent "Good Old Small Government" times, folks were told buy some candles, to fill their bath tubs up to the top with water, and hunker down to ride out The Big Blow. For the record, my wife and I are not one of those "Citizen Chickens Running Around With Our Heads Cut Off." We have been there and done that before.

Let me share a personal hurricane-related anecdote. Back in September 1960, a month after I first met my Teen Queen Goddess Wife, I was a 19-years old teenaged @catgic sailor who was baptized into Florida Hurricane living with a heavy-weather Hurricane “Donna” drenching down on Boca Chica Key in the Florida Keys. Donna blew through the Florida Key, and in the process, blew out the main water line supplying the Florida Keys with water from up Miami way. Without plentiful running fresh water available, I had to wash my person and sweat-soaked Navy Dungarees in the ocean surf of the Florida Straits off Key West using special “Navy Issue Salt Water Soap.” This salt-water washing ritually completed my King Neptune Baptism to make me a lifelong favored Shellback’ed acolyte of King Neptune and the Weather Gods from then on. Bottom-Line…@catgic Knowz Hurricanes (Earth Quakes & Other Random Acts Of God & Man), and never has, and does not, live in fear of any of them.

Anyhoo, I remain the “Honey Do Love Slave For Life” to my “Honey, When You Have Time...Can You…???” Goddess Wife, and all is right in the world.

Hello, Virtuous69 here. Re: straightening out my two accts that really surprised me that @virtuous got created.......Did all on my smart phone. Going to my laptop now to look for Colleen Young,'s reply/advise to merge my two accts to Virtuous69. My smart phone sometimes flips around. BTW. Since I've started a depression discussion, for those of you who have difficult daily protocols like Mac/Mai, have amazing health issues, but do not suffer depression, I'll.want to say Depression is very real and always seems to go hand in hand with Fibromygia. Have really appreciated your entire "connect"community.
bye for now.... Virtuous69.

@virtuous Dori - Fortunately, the "Helper Gremlins" of MayoConnect delivered your typo'ed @ catgig to @catgic, me. Thank you for the "Blessings." Clearly, you all have had, and are having a tough medical and financial row to hoe. It appears that you have the yin and yang of your marital relationship with your husband worked out to your mutual satisfaction...this is good.

FYI: In both my professional Warfighting Navy life and Techno-Geek life, I have lived and worked in Silicon Valley...Moffett-Sunnyvale, Mountain View, and Palo Alto, and the contiguous area, thereto. So my bride of 55 Blissful Emerald "Double Nickels" years and I are quite familiar with the Silicon Valley & San Francisco Peninsula area, culture, and cost of living. We also had occasion to have resided for a couple years, 90-miles down the PCH in Monterey-Carmel.

In the highest traditions of 1960's Hippy Dippy Culture let me encourage you to Keep On Keeping' On facing your challenges. We shall put you all in our prayers.

As I write this note to you, Big Bad & Über Blustery CAT 5+ Hurricane Irma has the State of Florida in her cross-hairs. Irma is still many days away from wherever she may be headed, but it has not stopped CNN, FoxNEWS, the local media, the public leadership from stirring the up the Florida citizenry into an anticipatory frenzy of fear. Back in the simpler, innocent "Good Old Small Government" times, folks were told buy some candles, to fill their bath tubs up to the top with water, and hunker down to ride out The Big Blow. For the record, my wife and I are not one of those "Citizen Chickens Running Around With Our Heads Cut Off." We have been there and done that before.

Let me share a personal hurricane-related anecdote. Back in September 1960, a month after I first met my Teen Queen Goddess Wife, I was a 19-years old teenaged @catgic sailor who was baptized into Florida Hurricane living with a heavy-weather Hurricane “Donna” drenching down on Boca Chica Key in the Florida Keys. Donna blew through the Florida Key, and in the process, blew out the main water line supplying the Florida Keys with water from up Miami way. Without plentiful running fresh water available, I had to wash my person and sweat-soaked Navy Dungarees in the ocean surf of the Florida Straits off Key West using special “Navy Issue Salt Water Soap.” This salt-water washing ritually completed my King Neptune Baptism to make me a lifelong favored Shellback’ed acolyte of King Neptune and the Weather Gods from then on. Bottom-Line…@catgic Knowz Hurricanes (Earth Quakes & Other Random Acts Of God & Man), and never has, and does not, live in fear of any of them.

Anyhoo, I remain the “Honey Do Love Slave For Life” to my “Honey, When You Have Time...Can You…???” Goddess Wife, and all is right in the world.