Caregiver problems after transplant

Hi Em. Congratulations on your transplant ! Cool , cool ! I am so sorry though for what you are going through. It sounds like you are handling the transplant much better than your Mom is. I know it is hard when you are being yelled at but it may help to remember that this is tough on caregivers too. My wife was mine and she had real rough patches when we were in AZ for two months. Part was the stress of if I was going to make it but also our caregivers back in CO dropped the ball with our home, dog, etc.. For your Mom it must be hard having to think you might not make it. We lost one of our three sons to a heart attack years ago and my wife took it very badly as expected. A mom should never outlive her child and that possibility is something she may be dealing with .
My wife did much better after a few months and hopefully your Mom will too. I would just let your missing stuff go. Can't help the past, not your fault but oh well. My only suggestion is wait for a time when she is in a good mood and try to (gently) talk to her about it. Telling her you love her but need peace. Best of luck Em. Prayers up.

@craigcraig Thank you, it means a lot to be heard!

Em
First congratulations on your new liver - you’ve made it through (hopefully) the hardest part.
My caregiver (I’m almost at my 2 year anniversary of my transplant) is my spouse and I too have no other family nearby. There has been anger, love, yelling, hysteria - every emotion you can think of - and it’s hard when yelling happens. Remember your mother loves you and is trying to do her best. There are so many ups and downs and that can stress everyone out. You will get past this. I know that’s hard to hear but it’s true.

Also this community is great and I’d recommend your mother join a caregiver support group - my spouse did and it’s a place where venting can happen that’s not directed at you.

@brin Thank you, but I hate to say it, but ALL of this is directed at me, she is ALWAYS making me feel like S**T, as I'm writing this, she is throwing my stuff around at me while I'm lying in bed. Her husband is even calling me horrible names and telling me I need to get up and .... I feel so broken and alone, there is NO ONE to help me. How am I supposed to heal living like this. I'm sorry to vent, I just don't know what else to do.

My caregiver was my sister and brother in law it started out ok but I was treated like a criminal it felt like plus I was in really bad shape I couldn’t walk without a walker a month later I ended up with my 92 year old mother and took care of her, which was much better my mom didn’t scream my sister is a freek plus my assets were in jeopardy of getting stolen on top of it , overall it was a horrible experience and I’m glad 3 years post life is good and I’m happy and alive at 66

@emily82 I had a liver transplant 4.5 years ago and was very emotional in the immediate aftermath, at the hospital and when I initially came home to my mom’s home and was cared by her and others. I had been widowed much earlier so needed a patchwork team but relied heavily on my mom which at times I admit I resented. I have always had a good relationship with my old mom but I was in my 50’s when I lived with her in illness and it was hard. When you are vulnerable post transplant it is so challenging to understand what you need to feel comfortable. Take your time. Take breaks and ask for space as you might need it. I can relate to the experience of a caregiver mom, tensions can run high and old tensions rise. We are lucky to have caregivers, however, as difficult it is to need a caregiver.

As Kate said, we're all vulnerable post transplant. The medicine has a huge impact on our emotional well being as we try and navigate a very difficult road. In the first few months, I found myself talking to myself on more than a few occasions. I also laughed and cried many times for no apparent reason, and despite the fact that I am a pretty stoic person otherwise. To me, it's easy to see how any person in the immediate aftermath of a transplant would perceive any slight in the worst possible way. Hang in there for now and keep a positive attitude.

I really appreciate y'all's feedback. I'm usually have my life together but I'm Sicilian and from New Orleans, so my emotions are always vibrant and loud...lol. But I do find myself, crying more, feeling SUPER frustrated. My poor brother gets phone calls from me at least 5 times a day complaining about my mom. I tell you what, if it wasn't for him, I think I would have lost my mind. The thing that sux the most is that NO ONE has come to visit me, not one family member, my dad doesn't call. I understand people have their own things going on, but damn, at least a phone call. But I can't worry myself with that. Well, I think I'm done here...sorry guys, I'm a little chatty...lol I'll be back to keep y'all filled in. Thanks again for the support, it truly helps!!!

That is sad to hear 3 years post nobody calls me and my friend pool pool shrunk to a puddle truthfully I feel better this way my family and friends really exposed who they really are if my dad was still alive it would be a different story but he passed 35 years ago , I was treated like a leper and very cruel , my caregiver was going to dump me off at the front door of USC and drive away if you can believe that then plan B was a mental institution! I was never considered a recovering patient just a burden and truthfully they only did it to impress their church on how great they are which backfired, I’ll pray for you’re peace it will get better ❤️‍🩹 I am very happy now and in a good place on a secluded ranch

@pgruetz I'm sorry you had to go through that. It really is hard. I can't believe the people who you thought would be there for you, just aren't. I'll be ok, I hope! Things are a tiny bit better, but definitely not anywhere what it needs to be.